8 things that could officially make me a weirdo.

Imagine how busy i have been, it took me almost a week to post this. i started by writing one at a time until i finished 5days after i started. This is serious. some1 please help i need ideas for dessertation anyone? (what do you know about globalisation and UK trade market? i cannot narrow it down and am sweating. i need a target point, otherwise i might have to change my topic altogether, that would cut like a knife after all these research).

Finally anyway here it is;

Written, Stamped, Signed, Approved and Tossed ur way

i laugh to relieve tension and any sort of confronting emotions.

say some1 is in a rage with me and attacking me on the aspect, i start to laugh, very annoying i know. but as every1 says now, its not you its me. lol! that line is the perfect shut up line.

i talk to myself on a regular

conversations, question and answer sessions, arguments, confrontations, everthing u can imagine, i even rebel against myself, just to make my alter ego get the point. it's so bad sometimes that i put on my ear piece so on-lookers would think am talking on the phone. lol! i know, horrible shea? but i really enjoy it.

i sing alot.

on the road, at work, on the train, on the tube, in the bathroom. and trust me, i dont have the best voice but i just love me some singing. reason why i love musicals; so i can sing along, and why i cant do without a music player. dont sit beside me on the train if u dont like people who hum to whatever they are listening to.

music is my fix

u'll see me having a dancing fit with any song i consider good enough to move to, on the road i shake side to side in what i consider an un-noticed way, am sure u'll notice. never try surprise hook up with me at a bus stop, ill surprise u if am alone, u just might find me grooving away. lol. most of all, i bounce alot in the car, like a little spoit brat. ha, sometimes i tire myself, honestly i dont know what ill ever do without me though.

i stand infront of my mirror naked

every morning when i wake, i take off my pj's or nitey and stand in front of the mirror, when am in my bedroom alone that is. so dont think u'll be seeing me naked if u come spend the night. sorry, that wouldnt happen.

i am a sucker for books.

i love reading, novels, manuals, intructions, everything. ill get a new phone and read every single little booklet that comes with it, or buy cereal and read every writing on the box. i guess thats how i successfully set up a glass dining table and 4 leather chairs i bought my mum from argos for her 50th almost 2years ago, that took me like the whole day. my mother was so amazed, and no mistakes were made too.

i have also formed an habit of buying two books every month; like i pay my rent, phone bill, card bills, cable bill and whs bill for 2 books lol. as much as i love reading books, i hate love stories i cannot stand reading a book based on love. yuck! mills and boon pure trash, i've read two my whole life, absolute waste of my time, i wish i could actually have the times i spent reading them back. in as much as i love reading, when it comes to studying, am a lazy bugger! thatz my weakness, i find it really weird.

i am terrible at keeping records

here is the thing, you take me to a restaurant and believe me, by the next day i dont know what area it was in or what the restaurant's name is called, i just know i had a good meal. this happens all time especially when some1 takes me on a night out, my friends get so pissed off with me cos i come back to talk about how lovely the bar or club was but never remember what location or name it is. all i need is my mobile phone and bank card and i believe i can follow you to the ends of the world and come back home in one piece, by His grace.

i lost 3 ipods, a psp and a mobile phone all in one year.

tell me that aint weird? trust me, am extremely careful i dont know how i managed that? now i have gotten the gist, there's an ipod karma working against me. am totally on mobile walkman now. my house mate who loves morning sleep ran down the stairs from sleep one morning on my way out to work because i told him the night before that ill be borrowing his ipod. guess wot he came to say? he went lighty, with sleepy eyes and all, please i beg u, dont lose my ipod, please please please be extremely careful with it, and bring it back home. how embarassing is that? he could lend me his life and not worry about me losing it, because he'ld be sure i wouldnt but with ipods? *shaking my head* different story. Sorry apple that product is not just made for me, OBVIOUSLY. as for the psp and mobile phone, total fluke! it just so happened.

$h£&$pa^kl*

So long it has been with me and blogville but never mind people I have just been busy. Hail and hearty though, plus my birthday was last saturday, wish me a belated one.



Down to this.



I went for this get together one of my male friends invited me to, it was full of young black and sexy people, beautiful faces, smily and happy. umm I wonder what makes so many people all happy at the same time. Am guessing it was the alcoholic drinks though cause that kind of excitement was far far beyond me.

AJ the friend that took me to this get together warned me about some guy chilling on our far right; keep away from that nigger, in his exact words and before I could even ask why he made his way to say wotzup to some prettygirllies in corset tops.

So there was me sipping on the champagne some guy poured me and thinking to myself when we gonna start making it home, not that I wasnt enjoying the party or nothing, it was full of cool people I presume but with no one I knew. In my thinking someone tugged me from behind, it was that nigger on the far right, I didnt even notice him making his way, this guy was so irrestibly cute. umm so cute I thought Ill melt into his eyes alone, kind of reminded me of Scofields eyes, some fine boy like that. If not for what AJ said earlier, I was ready to start my great rapport skills with him.



Am AY he said (trust me, its not AYO incase u started thinking that. AY is the combination of his first and last name). Well am lighty then, lighty kopearl LK lol! um lighty kopearl? he asked, looking at me with curious eyes. Yeah whatever, the guy was already pissing me off sef. I was about to walk away from him when he told me he was a good dancer and would like to show me his skills on the dance floor. Shea I like dancing now, I followed him to the middle where it was already noted to be the dance floor.



Imagine this idiot boy ohh, the energy he used in grabbing my butt was outta this world, I was more shocked than embarassed but his grip was too strong on me. I bagan to shake like a jelly fish, trying to break myself free, but his grin was extremely evil extra extra evil. Before I knew what was going on AJ came in and landed a punch on AY's face, AY broke me free and staggered all at the same time. In what seemed like a minute he threw a punch back at AJ that caused him a nose bleed. At this point, I was so confused on what to do, a couple of guys held AY has it looked like he was about to do something else.

AJ grabbed me and we left the place, I was so sorry for him and sad because he warned me about the silly surd, but then what would I have done? The guy looked decent at first, I thought AJ was being over protective, maybe cause the guy is cute and he thought I would probably be too happy to mingle with him but heyyy! am sorryyyy AJ about your broken nose, dont sue me. as for the knuckle headed roughian AY bugger off. U silly salami.

Well I helped AJ in dressing his nose when we reached his house and *cough* you would never guess what happened, he kissed me. This is serious, I mean AJ is fine and all but ehn I kind of see him more as a brother and this kissing thing made me extremely uncomfortable. I told him, he shouldnt have, and the look on his face was like someone gave him another punch that blew off his ears. Even with that, we managed to watch a movie and listen to some of the new songs on his playlist. He actually introduced me to AYO's down on my knees, one of the songs on my playlist, never heard of her till then. she's really good I think plus the girl is Naija, I couldnt believe it.

As for now things are cool with AJ and I but is it me or is he looking at me in that kind of way guys look at girls when they are attracted to them? Whatever! I think i'll have to shove the thought down, all the way to the back of me head.

Blogville, am sorry, I've been mad busy and still would be till like middle of febuary.

NB: That guy I blogged about thinking I could have a relationship with, if you remember that is. It turns out I cant. Infact I've kicked him to the kerb already and that one is a story for a another day. He had a twitch I just cant deal with and am not even ready to start trying this early. so, there.

30 DAYS OF THANKSGIVING. DAY 20.

Join me in the Thankfulness Chain....if you've been tagged, please complete the tag on the assigned dayexample... if you're tagged for November 20... that is day 20 and you should title your post 30 Days of Thankfulness 2 - Day 20provide a link to the person that tagged you previouslyAlso provide a link to the two people that you're tagging for the next day so we can all follow the chain... DO let them know they're being tagged.. why they're being tagged, and how to grow the chainif you're unable to do the tag on your assigned day... still choose the day to reflect the date you do it (if you're choosing not to back date it) ...example... if you're tagged for November 25 but dont get to do it till November 27... and you're not back dating.. it's okay to do it as Day 27 you can post these rules or something to this effect to help it along.. :-) (From Diamond)

I WAS TAGGED BY LAST KING OF SCOTLAND, 30+ AND OLAMILD.

I give thanks to God for after three boys HE finally granted my family's wish and blessed them with one beige colored looking girl, guess who? MEEEEE!

I thank God for through the years I have not seen suffering and he has always swiped me dry after the rain.

I thank God for the few friends I have, because they; I can truly call friends

I thank God for the confidence in me, that which has taken me places.

I thank God for up coming close friends, with them I know I can lift up my face and smile.

I thank God for the whistles on the street, even though that is really rude, it only means he's work is beautiful.

I thank God for always watching my back and lifting me up when I need to be lifted

I thank God for good music, its my drug, my daily dose of living.

Thank God for high fashion and couture, what could be better?

Thank God for that spirit in me, that gives me the bad vibe radar (rings the alarm; you are now stepping into a foolish territory, use your head and step outside the line, I repeat place both legs outside of the line).

Thank God that I have never suffered the loss of a loved one, every one is safe and kicking.

I thank God for blog, it brings out my free spirit. (singing: am like a bird I will only fly away. but I know where my soul is and I know where my home is.).

Thank God for the love that surrounds me from family and friends

Thank you for my mother who if does not hear my voice for 2days in a row, we argue for 15mins based on why my love is fading (seriously mum, you call like 3times a day, 2days isnt that bad, remember my mailbox is full of your voice messages too? what chance do I have in calling you? you've taken it all from me. I love you really, I do but don't always make the first thing you say 'where are you'? whenever you call. like I would be somewhere in a cave, eating corn on a cob with Osama and discussing what we make of the foot and mouth disease).

oh yeah! cannot forget this, Thank you dear God, for my Husband. the loving, caring, understanding, grounded, respectable fun-loving and most of all God fearing good looking man. I know I have not met him yet. maybe I have and don't know it. but you know dear God. Thank you for helping him find his way to me.

I thank you for hugs, kisses, and more hugs that you provide me with in abundance enabling me to share with blogville. They've been wonderful.

xoxoxoxoxoxox.

I tag: Zerkhezi, Zephi, Baroque, Teediva, Queen of my castle, C for Carl, Isi.

This is me.

Well am back from the rollercoaster ride of different kinds of illnesses. First I thought it was flu, then I thought maybe fever, but doctor said it was tonsillitis coupled with crams. So I have not blogged and I am sorry about that, I have been weighed down. But missed y’all though.

Since my brain is still on its way to recovery, I think ill just do the meme, that was tagged on me by Baroque, Zerkhezi and Zephi all in this post roll with me.

I am … sleeker than your average.
My ex-boyfriend was … too much of a liar.
Maybe I should … take my clothes off and dance in the rain
I love … high heels and skinny jeans, they bring out the sexiness in me.
I don't understand … why people are so ignorant of the fact that we all are born different.
I lost my… babyphat wristwatch in my bedroom a year and some months ago, still have not found it. it beats me.
My current boyfriend is … somewhere in the world, thinking am somewhere in the world. find your way to me babes, i have been waiting.
People say I'm … a light, ill shine regardless.
Love is … what you choose it to be.
Somewhere, someone is… thinking; 'what da hell is inside her head'? and i will tell u, it is what it is. lol!
I will always … be to you what you defaulted your brain for me to be. open it up, come on, see the true me.
Forever is … forever.
I never want to … wake up in front of my class naked. oh my God, that was a nightmare.
I think the current President is … ummm! who??? is it Yaradua? oh my God am disgracing myself, who is it? I know Gordon Brown is the prime minister though, does that let me off?
When I wake up in the morning … I listen to Andrian Rogers on ucb radio on cable or put on my music player, depending on what time it is.
Life is full of … pretenders and skimmers.
My past is incredibly … the stepping stone of my future.
I get annoyed when … people underestimate me. ill surprise u. you can count on that.
Parties are for … happy people. we all need a break.
Girls are … the greatest snitches alive. thats why i operate around women.
Sex is … overrated. you know it is. but no one ever admits it. i can already guess ur replies; speak for urself lighty. maybe I will. OVERRATED!!! lol!
I wish … i could soar on wings like eagles'
Tomorrow I'm going to … see Anthony Evans in the morning and Jill Scott at night. wot a day, wot a dayyyyyyyyyyyy. I have waited 4 months for both of them. hurray hurraay hurraaaay
I really want some … Baileys cheesecake. I see myself growing fatter just thinking about it. God help me.
I have low tolerance for people who … just cant clean their shoes. cant u see it looks like shit, come on, do the nation a favor, give them up for recycling or wash the damn thing.
If I had a million dollars … i'll rather it were a million pounds. regardless, ill sleep for 2 weeks.
My job makes me … feel i can achieve a lot in life. something like my stepping stone.

and the other one, from Z and Z.

um: my life seem interesting, you will be surprised to hear I consider myself extremely boring, but I do have a great sense of humor though.


dois: I have often wondered what it would be like to have a white boyfriend, but whenever a white guy comes up to me the thought disappears, ummm! Thatz interesting; thinking out loud.


tres: I consider poetry an escape route to free thought. I can write what I feel and you can think what you want of it. now thatz fair, dont you think?

quatro: I have always considered myself a lucky head. I think I did really good in my past life, if a had any.

cinco: sometimes I wonder how my life would turn out, I really want to be on television(not as an extra though) receiving an award. Ask me for what, I have no idea. Lol. I want to become a dancer someday, but a famous and well respected one. Same time, I want to be the hottest banker on wall street. So many things my people, many many many.

sies: I once fell face flat when I went for a university open day. I never went back to that uni, bad omen! Lol! More like the shame was too much to bear.


siete: My life is full of butterflies and rainbows, I have my God to thank to that. Thank you Jesus.

Memoirs of B and I

Happy people hope u’re lajesting good? Been on my feet 4 two weeks now. Am sure by now y’all know am an Ajala (traveller), the greatest one that ever lived. Been to the 4 corners of England, but as usual my Blackberry has kept me connected to your lovely blogs.

I was chatting with one of my ex-boyfriends, I have managed to still keep in contact with all of them or should I say they have managed to keep in contact with me. Ummm story for the rats in the hole.

Well I was chatting with one of them, the very first one; B. haaaa B, I have nothing but sweet memories of B. you see ern, I wasn’t one to have a boyfriend until B came along. Thing is I use to enjoy the chase, it felt so good having all these guys coming up to me and knowing that none of them had anything buzhi to say about me to their friends. It felt even better that they always tried to guess if I had a boyfriend out of city or somewhere they didn’t know about. For two years, I had an imaginary boyfriend, I always use him to wave guys off me, trust me my imaginary boyfriend had a complete profile compiled with siblings and all. I cooked the guy up good.

When B came my way, it was a different ball game. Then I was in my last year in senior secondary school (ss3), an all boarding military school. Being one of the girls on the hot list in school now, it was only normal B came along like many of them did. Um honestly, my secondary school years were the bomb, you could always spot me from miles away, light skinned, short fitted skirt, highest school sandals in the school, long sleeved rolled up shirt with black bottoms and pinned down bottoms on the collar, plus I carried a bright yellow school bag. You would always know who it was from a distance. This got me in mega trouble with staff members. Eyyy, I suffered ohh.

B on the other hand cool, neat, level headed fine boy, together we made bonnie and Clyde. Anyway, B came up and I disregarded him like I did the rest but B had his ways. I told y’all I was in an all boarding school right? I went home for Xmas and on one of those days our maid came up to me saying there was these bloke outside the gate wanting to see me. I wasn’t surprised because for some reason even blokes I don’t talk to in school find their way to my house during hols, they had an habit of coming in threes and fours, (I have 3 elder brothers, the last one of them is 3years older than I am + I am the only girl and last child in my family. Guys coming to check on me was war, as in battle field kind of waring lol!) Don’t ask me. So I went out to the gates shaking and trying to watch my steps so none of my brothers would decide they wanted to take a walk with me to have a chitty-chat. At the same time, I was thinking who it could be.

It wasn’t B, it was B’s friend. He had a message from B, I was thinking ok, let’s hear it. Told me he was hanging out with B the day before and B got some things to give to me, since he lived not too far from my house, was told to hand them over to me. Me being who I am told him to tell B to shove those things up his arse. If he thinks because of the said things I would be his girlfriend then he has a screw loose in his head. that’s how this boy started to plead oh, saying there is no way he could take the things back to his house because his mother must not find them, he cant start to explain where he got them from. On the long run, I agreed to take the things from him

Happy people, if you had seen the size of that basket, you would run. I was so scared. Even more scared that my brothers may decide they wanted to take a stroll and find me with this thing but with the help of our maid, who was actually my confidante then, I managed to hide the basket in one of the huge barrels we keep in the kitchen for dry food. Happy people you don’t want to know what was in the basket but I will tell you, a quick run through some; there was 2 wrist watches one Tommy, the other Gucci, an Oscar de la renta and Tommy girl perfume, a gold necklace and pendant, and loads of assorted biscuits and wine, along with two little Christmas cards and a huge red one too. I don’t know if y’all remember those cards with big red envelopes, the extra large ones. Kia! I was fear. More fearful than impressed. I thought I was going to run mental but at the same time I felt so good inside, ladies you feel me?

Well after the holidays I went back to school more determined than ever that I was not going to be B’s girlfriend because then he will be sure I could be bought. Meanwhile I was wearing the Gucci wrist-watch ohh. Lol! *shaking my head* silly ( it was safer wearing them in school than at home otherwise, my brothers would cut off my wrist for supper). Thing that amazed me the most is I didn’t see B for like a week but every one else saw him around, I saw him after the second week and all he did was reply to my hello, nod his head and walked on. I was so amazed it angered me. Here was me thinking I can’t wait to tell this boy off, does he think gifts are the way forward? Me I thought soon as I enter school the boy would be thinking he had the right and would start sending juniors to call me to see him. Not B. B carried on like nothing was between us for like two more weeks you know? By then I felt so rejected and sad, believe. Then one faithful night after prep soon as I stepped out of class to walk to my hostel someone pulled me by the hand and asked to walk me to my hostel, it was B and I felt my first tummy tickle, I had waited so long and the process had softened me. We had a good chat and I thanked him for the stuff instead of reprimand him like I had planned to do.

I still proved hard to get but I couldn’t hold it on for too long. His ways of doing things drew me closer to him more and more. I remember when I told B I would give him a TRIAL that was a real funny night. Soon as I said that you wouldn’t believe B sprung round and started running, lol. I screamed him to come back, he came back panting and we both busted out laughing. Asked him why he ran and he said he couldn’t believe what I just said and he was trying to run as far as possible before I change my mind.

I always got into trouble with female soldiers; if it’s not concerning my school sandals, it would be my ever shiny baby curls hair or my school uniform (skin cling skirt and breaking all the rules shirt). B seemed to love the whole show and some what encouraged me further. Lol. I remember the first time my hair got cut off in a cross in school, he snuck out of school that night and bought me a school bag full of hair products and told me “start all over again, they are just jealous”. Surprisingly B was that boy in school all the teachers loved, he was really clever, neat and his house captain, they would have never have guessed he was almost totally behind my goose chase with the female soldiers. He had a good balance of a good+bad boy image, that tripped me the most. Our relationship was so beautiful that with time the whole school and a lot of the teachers knew we were together and untrue as it may sound for naija schools, especially mine, they were very cool with it (the teachers, i mean).

The only time we had a misunderstanding was when some silly SU guy went to tell B I was flirting with him, that day I was so shocked I couldn’t even defend myself, plus B had never gotten crossed with me. Read this; the foolish boy was reading a physics text book in the library, I went up to him to ask what he was reading curious as a cat that I am. The boy asked me why I wanted to know after all I study art, what business have I got with physics. I said to him I have never thought of it but now, it all seemed interesting so I would like to know. I think at some point I must have placed my right hand on his left shoulder because I was standing and he was sitting, we were side to side. This boy just shouted GET THEE BEHIND ME, THE DEVIL IS A LIAR. ern? Strong things, I was mesmerised I just left the boy sharply. I noticed B didn’t send for me throughout that day after class, but after night prep I went to meet him on the basket ball court. It used to be so lovely at night and most of the senior student hung there every night after prep for a while. Soon as I spotted him, he walked towards me and the next thing he said was we need to talk, gen gen.

Cutting the long story short, omo guy went to tell B that me, I went to him with a purpose, to seduce him and that B should tame me. B was so vexed that on a normal day, omo guy should not come to him to chat shit, not to talk of reporting his girl? That got him really mad. Well I couldn’t say anything, he kissed me on the forehead and bided me goodnight. Ill see you in class tomorrow he said. I went to my room and cried myself to sleep. Awww poor little lighty crying. Awwww. The second day I went to find that boy, it wasn’t hard because the silly boy was my class captain. I raked for this boy ern, he cried back to his hostel. I was so unimpressed as to how dirty his mind could be, being an SU that he claimed to be.

In loving memoirs of the times I shared with B, I thought I would share this little part of me with you. Stay happy people. X.

By the way, I hope you lot know my talent is not to be wasted on empty space. Kindly check this out. http://lightystalent.blogspot.com/

Help! I see sweaty and almost naked men.

Firstly, a huge thank you to everyone who left wise words and sound advice on the post prior to this one. To be honest those words have left peace in me, you guys worked tremendous magic. I find myself more relax and open, may the good Lord's will be down. Wherever my compass points from here, I promise to fill you in on it. A big thank you, *mauh*.

Now...

In one of my previous posts I told y’all I started out at the gym and frequented my visits, well this was another one of my visits only this time I was curious. Isn’t it a damn shame curiosity killed the cat?

After my normal round, I decided to go in the sauna, in my gym you have to put on your swimming costume plus it’s separate for male and female. Usually in the shower room.

I’ve been seeing this fire exit door with a note on it saying please wear costume before getting in the sauna boldly written on it but because it’s a fire exit door I restrained myself from opening it. Na so amebo carry me open this door oh, one faithful day like that.

As soon as I opened and got into the room, the door shut behind me. What did I see next, half naked men walking up and down the shower room, this is me with my swimming costume, and a little towel wrapped around me. The men didn’t seem to mind. I thought something was out of place because I couldn’t seem to find the women and all the men said was are you ok sweetie? I said yes and went on to look for a sauna to sit in, totally oblivious to my surroundings.

I found one packed full with four sweaty men, imagine what lighty did, I entered into the sauna and bid the men create space for me. Na so I siddon ohh staring into space and wondering why I still haven’t seen any women yet. Trust me, sweaty men reek in the sauna I wonder if my friend's fantasy of sweaty men would still remain if she was in that sauna with me. Anyway the men didn’t seem to mind, until one guy bless his heart came in and asked me if I knew I was in the men’s shower room. This is me thinking to myself; dang lighty, you should have known.

If you see how I blushed errrr, you’ll think me a plum. I was immensely embarrassed, so I stepped out the sauna room back into the open shower and couldn’t go out the front door; apparently it leads straight to the gym, noooooo. No one’s gonna see me coming out the men’s shower room with a little tower and swimming costume, HELL NO. So they called one of the guys that work in the gym and he organised a woman to go open the fire exit door for me, it took good ten minutes. In the space of ten minutes you should have seen me having a laugh with these men, you would think it were my place to be there.

I wish I was a dark fantasy writer type person; it would have been a whole other ball game how wild my imagination would have been. Anyway, I put anyone who is capable to the test. Use my experience as a basis to your imagination on your next post. Iight?

Hell... let my imagination run wild, Here goes….

The sweat dripping down his chest, bring the hairs on my body alive, I feel them charging as if trying to explode the softness of my skin, out of the corner of my eye a DARK CHOCOLATE hunk makes his way to where I am standing, stood so closely behind me I could feel his breathing on my back. He gently pulls my hair to fall my head on his chest and devours my lips with a hard kiss that sends my spine to work. He, full on hard against my voluptuous backside, our hips swaying to the rhythm the music in our hearts is playing . Slowly, his right hand with a mind of its own make it’s way from my lower abdomen to my right breast. I make a ah sound of welcoming, my SWEATY SENSATION bends, takes hold of my legs, slowly and steadily licks his way up and settles in-between my already parted legs while DARK CHOCOLATE is getting ready to take me... STOP.
My oh my. There, I tried. Abeg make una no vex ohh I am not a fantasy nor raunchy writer. So you might want to continue this one on your blog Orite???
So, which one of you is taking up the assignment?
lol!

Serious thoughts of a mature mind

Lovely people, I am glad to tell you all that since my broke weekend, my life has bounced back to normal except I am still single, and true to say, I don’t know how I feel about it at this point. Thing is I actually think I have a problem, I am not sure what it is though so I’ll rely on you lot to help me out.

I’ve been single for 1year and 3months, and I still can’t be bothered getting into a relationship. I find myself pushing guys away intentionally, for no reason. Cool able guys for that matter too.

On my phone you’ll see random names like ‘don’t pick’, ‘disturber’ etc. could it be that I am scared of getting into a relationship? I don’t want to believe my last relationship is having an effect on me because I believe I am a strong woman, but psychology is a b**ch and it just might be the reason.

I believe I was everything a man would want in his woman, I was down with pleasing, motivating , advising, playing, cooking, looking fly on his arms and he cheated, in a cold way too. Can somebody tell me why men cheat? Because up to date he is asking to get back with me even though the mofo stayed with this girl for 4months after we broke up plus his mother still calls me.

Anyway, that is by the way. I have been talking to this guy for a while now, but every time anything relating to relationship between us comes up, I shut it down. I really am feeling him though and he is not hiding the fact he wants to WIFE me. Lol! we flow really well, my kind of guy.

So why haven’t I accepted to be his girlfriend after 6weeks? I don’t know, and to be honest, I don’t think I would for the next 4weeks either. Here is where my problem sets in, even though I like him, it doesn’t seem to bother me if after two more weeks of these, he decides to move on because he is not getting anywhere with me, of which I really doubt but then I cant be too sure of myself, it just might be. Hey! It doesn’t seem to matter though. I don’t know if I want a boyfriend.

I would like for us to be together, only if I had more time, then again how much more time do I want? I have shut myself from everything that represents a relationship, I don’t miss cuddling, kissing etc, it doesn’t even touch me to see couples fooling around, I just can’t be bothered. My heart has been closed and I really don’t know when it’ll open up again. I believe it wouldn’t be fair to enter into a relationship with a closed heart. To be honest I could do with another year of being single, I have learned a lot, grown spiritually and mentally too. It’s like my life took a boom in every aspect and I am grateful to God.

Why my heart has refused to open beats me, because when it comes to the list below, he foot’s the bill

Cute
Good Rapport
Religious
Level of intellect
Dress sense
Style
Attentive to my needs.

I don’t make up list but these are some of the many things I like about him and now because I know we could be starting something beautiful, I look for every excuse not to go places with him, meet up or go for a meal. I am always busy, tight schedule, dissertation stress, work, etc. I am afraid of starting anything because in any relationship; I am extremely committed, very loyal, giving, loving etc and all these just might be kicked to the kerb again or am I just enjoying being single and making excuses? I am not getting any younger, in fact in less than 2months, I will be a year older. What if this is the only chance i get of a good man and end up missing it because of my blasé attitude?

Blogville, I need your help on this one, I don’t think I can go through this alone. I need strong words of advice, honest and open minded. Don’t worry I am strong enough to take any shots you might want to shoot at me. Let’s hear it from you guys, bring it on.

In between your words of advice, make your way to my talent blog: http://lightystalent.blogspot.com/

Broke ol' me III (cont'd)

There was a knock on the door, it woke R and I up from our deep sleep. After that stressful and scary event, that deep sleep came natural. R asked who it was and it turned out to be L, it was 10.30am. She said she was worried about us and was wondering where we were, she was apparently sat in the lounge for some time until one of the guys told her we were in the room.
I asked L when we were to be heading and she appeared to be clueless about it, that didn’t make me a happy bunny. Just as we were talking J let himself in, told us he was making his way to a library, telling us in other words it was time for us to get our asses out his crib (that would have been the first thing we would have done, if we knew how da hell we were to make our way to the house punk). It would have been easier to get the bus home, but R was not dressed comfortably for that, plus she had no jacket to conceal herself in.
Well so far so good, J managed to arrange a cab to take us back to the house. It was an extreme long journey but at least we got to the house safe.
Suffering 3 cleared.

Suffering 4.
Remember my close friend I was supposed to chill with in the first place, the one I sat on my suitcase and waited for fruitlessly? We had been talking and she was really sad and sorry for how it all turned out and pleaded that I at least come spend some time with her before I finally left the area. So I conformed,
I spent a day with her; it was blissful, fun and refreshing, different from all the madness of the previous days.

If you recall, I told you I had enough funds to last me 7days and I had managed to blow it up to minimal, I was convinced I had enough to at least get me to the station so I could take my broke self back to my work area, to my house (take note, not my home). So I packed my stuff and made my way to the station while my friend made her way to work.
Got to the counter and the sales guy said it’ll be £4 from my friend’s vicinity to get to the station that would take me out the area. No biggie now, I should have that in my account, WRONG!!! Behold I didn’t, and so at this point I was back to square 1, plus my train out of the area was to leave in 45mins. (missing that train would cost me a lot more, plus I’ll miss work the next day, I couldn’t afford to miss my latter train) so I thought to myself; lighty think, think think think, what to do, what to do. First I stepped out the station shamefully, and decided to use a cash machine to at least know what my balance was. It was £3.75. Damn! Just 25p short? As I looked across the road, I saw my bank, which happens to be a branch of the one I work for.
Shamelessly, I walked into the bank, looking all fly and sharp and extremely broke not to forget. I plastered a huge smile on my face and told the cahier:
Lighty: hello, I would like to withdraw some money please
Cahier: hi, how much would you like?
Lighty: precisely £3.75 please.
Cashier: oh! Ok, I see you’ve got a gold account with no overdraft facility, would you like to set up one?
(Why? Because I am broke? It doesn’t mean I would be broke all the time does it chicken head? Does it?).
Lighty: love, 'your-bank' wouldn’t set up one for me, you know how they do.
Cashier: oh you’re an employee?
Lighty: doesn’t it state that on the account?
Cahier: oh yeah, I see it, well then lighty, would you like a receipt?
Lighty: what. For £3.75?
Cashier: money is money love, you never know.
Lighty: well it wouldn’t really matter; I am using it now anyway.
Cashier: there you go, have a nice day.
Lighty: you to.
My goodness, going in the bank to get £3.75 out? Ah that just has to be the lowest anyone would go. I guess when there is a will, there is a way. I wonder what she was thinking in her head. Well not that it mattered, I needed to get on the train quick as possible.


I had a pound on me already, so I got myself on the train quick as can, and made it to the train that got me out the area.
Suffering 4 cleared, I made it safely to the house. I hope you all had a beautiful weekend.
The End.

N.B: Am sure everyone is wise enough to manage their funds wisely when short. I know now, am over bogus lifestyle, especially when my bank account light is blinking, or am I? At least I know to stay put when am broke, no going ANYWHERE, NO CAN DO.

Now make your way to my talent blog: http://lightystalent.blogspot.com/

Broke ol' me II (cont'd)

Right… so where did I stop.
Suffering 3.
OK, the three of us went outside and stood, wondering what will become of our fate?
L remembered that some Malo (Hausa Nigerian) guy, her friend told her to come chill over at his place earlier that night and she had turned him down because she didn’t see much sense in it. At this point, we felt the need.
She decided then to call him up to see what he’s saying. Unluckily for us, the guy was still bent on her coming over. I’ll call him J.

L told J she was coming over but she was with two of her friends, the night had turned out messed up so we could do with the chilling. Little did he know we were stranded in the cold and little did we know what they had in stock for us.
J arranged a cab to get us and I must say, J lives in the very posh part of the area. As in, this part is where you’ll see the likes of Henry taking out his trash or Ronaldo jogging round the area, you get the gist?

We got into the apartment; it looked like there was a miniature party going on. So I loosened up, plus we received a warm welcome. ‘Welcome of doom’.
It was brought to my attention that most of these youngsters were influential, as their fathers are very well to do and well known Nigerian men, from the Malo (Hausa) side. If you’re Nigerian, by the time you think of two very well to do Hausa men in Nigeria, know that their kids were amongst this gathering. That night they were all under the influence of something because most of them were not acting right.

They offered us drinks, drinks they brought from within the house. Whatever drinks were in those cups I wonder, only God knows. I refused to drink anything so did R but L had some, oh well. Shortly after, J spoke to L about going indoors and she followed.
R was falling asleep and I couldn’t just imagine why she should since we were in a strange environment.

I tried to make conversation just to keep everybody focused and got to find out that one of them actually writes, he is more of a Nigerian critic who wouldn't blog (I asked if he ever considered blogging) because he doesn't believe in hiding his identity and wouldn't like to make known his identity because most of his write ups focus on the fathers of his friends ( he told me this in confident. i saw some of his work, Good stuff).

R was fast asleep on the bed we saw in the lounge area when we came in, so I joined her in order to cover myself up under the duvet, I was feeling uncomfortable with all the vulture eyes around so i decided to go into hiding.
T one of the guys brought in another mattress and placed it close to the one R and I were laying on and started stroking my hair, can u imagine? I scolded him and he stopped. So I decided to act asleep so they don’t be getting any ideas.

A, the most influential of them all came into the lounge and you wouldn’t believe what I heard him say. He said ‘why are these girls sleeping, wake them up I want to fuck’. I thought I would jump out my skin. Before I knew wat a guan this stupid guy was bending over me, I screamed so hard at him and he took a standing, the other guys were like why you are bothering her, leave her alone, she’s sleeping (Dear Lord save me tonight I promise I would never go out broke, that was my prayer).
They began to speak Hausa, I was so scared at this point I put the number 999 on standby in case anything was to go down. I was so scared I thought of calling my mother to save me from this hell hole. I tried calling MIMI but this was about 5:15am in the morning, her phone was going voicemail. I tried calling my close male friend K voicemail too.

Before I knew what was going on, A started going about them waking R up, why is she sleeping he said, and was about to pull the cover off her when I told him to go find somewhere to lay his head and leave her to sleep.

The guys left the lounge, and I quickly woke her up, telling her she must be crazy to sleep in this mad house. She woke up feeling confused and I told her what had been going down. She asked after L and I said L hasn’t returned from where she disappeared to.
The guys came back into the lounge with some girls that were chilling in the kitchen, apparently, one of them was supposed to be A’s girl, the other was super high and was chatting super shit. The one that was A’s girl told A they need to start heading home, so the two girls and A headed out only for A to come back into the house and head towards me with his phone.
A: can I have your digit?
Lighty: what for?
A: to take you out for lunch sometime
Lighty: not interested in lunch
A: dinner?
Lighty: I try avoiding dinner.
A: breakfast maybe?
Lighty: I don’t eat breakfast.
A: you must be on a mega diet; you don’t seem to eat at all.
Lighty: oh well that’s the way it is.
A: since you wouldn’t give me your details, it’s Lighty right? You will most definitely be hearing from me.

Was that supposed to be a threat because it damn right sounded like one to me, P the writer suggested since we were sleeping already, it will be more comfortable to go in the bedroom. I thought he meant R and me, in truth he was suggesting me and him. What? I decided to play along. He wanted for him and I go in the bedroom and R and T remain in the lounge area. R had drifted asleep again. I wonder how some people can have such peace of mind.

Well P came back to me to let me know the room was ready. I woke up R and told her they had set up a room for both of us. she was ok with the idea, the way the girl was sleeping sef, one would think she was drugged.
So R and I followed P as he led us to the bedroom. We got into the bedroom, and R tossed some pillows to P telling him he would need it to sleep in the lounge. He took the pillows from her and said ‘I’ll come join you girls shortly’.
R looked my way as if to say wot da hell is going on?
As soon as P left the room, we both raced to the door, to check if it had a lock, thank God it did, locked the door, lay on the bed, feeling safe but sorry because we still didn’t know how we were going to get back to the house.

Broke ol' me.

Before I start on my suffering ranting, if you ever hear me say I am going out with no money in my purse and my current account close to 0.00, don’t hesitate to hit a terrible slap on my face and shake me until the wool over my eyes fall off because for me to say that believe I must have been jinxed.

Remember in the post prior to this one, I talked about suffering in the past weekend; well here it is, brace yourselves.
I’ll split it into 4 categories.
Let me take you through the prologue before I start
I had sufficient fund enough to last me precisely seven days before my big bucks arrives. Haven spent so much on important things in life alas I was left broke. But I would rather be broke than not pay my bills. Stupid I though, even in my broke days, I still find myself living a bogus life (I believe when there is a will, there is a way and there has always been a way for me, so I am spoilt).
If you have ever read some of my old posts, you will know my party area is 4hrs 20mins away from my work area.
Whenever I go like that, I go for 4days as in enjoy myself to the max. This was not to be different and I intended to have my fun, broke! Lol!
I booked my trip that was no problem, arranged to chill with a close friend, that became little problem and partied for 3nights that became a huge problem.

Suffering 1: well I arrived at my party area, I was over joyed, and I had my outfits planned out as I had done some shopping specially for the purpose, damn! I thought to myself; its gonna be so much fun. I called up my friend told her I was in the area, and she said should give her a call when I get to her vicinity. Blogville, only for me to get to my friend’s vicinity and call her to come pick me up and her phone was winding up on voicemail. Dolls, I called for two hours and thirty minutes, VOICEMAIL!
I was tired, weak and confused actually more frantic than confused. Damn I had no where to stay, time was running out. Shit shit shit. I was calculating in my head, I am very picky when it comes to staying in people’s houses, I don’t sleep in just any house its hard enough to get me out my house cause I love my bed so so.
I know my friend said something like her being in training but she also told me that it wouldn’t be a problem contacting her when I reach her vicinity. As if, this has become a major problem. Now my phone battery was running flat chai wahala, I am there sitting on my suitcase like a motherless child, I had to quickly transfer some 2-3 number that are important on this journey onto my blackberry I hardly use it to make calls don’t ask me I use it mainly 4 emails and the lot. But on this day, it really saved my butt. Fortunately I succeeded in saving 3 numbers before that phone went off. Problem now is my blackberry had just one bar of battery life left, been on the net all through my journey, reading your blogs. See? Its’ your entire fault, blogville and its addictive stories.
In my thinking and tiredness as I have gone seven hours already without rest, I decided I’ll just go home and forget about this party. Sad shea? I know. By the way, home is 45mins away from party area and it doesn’t make sense traveling to party area from home things are different there. Like no transportation at all during late night and bleak roads, too quiet. Just when I was about to pick up my suitcase, another friend of mine called and asked me where I was, she was like she’s been trying to reach me that I need to bring my butt round she already organised her cousin’s place for us to chill. Let’s call this friend L. I told you, there is always a way for me.
Suffering 1 cleared. After 3hrs and 15mins suffer head.

Suffering 2. That first party was ok, no biggy, second party, I, L and L’s friend R couldn’t get a cab number so on the mission to get a taxi to the second party we were lucky to ask some young dudes who were actually going next door to where we were going, they offered to give us a ride delightfully, it was fun, the trip I mean, little ranting, complimenting and exchange of numbers. They actually gave us a ride back to the house and asked to give them a call tomorrow if we would be going out. awww how sweet. Moreover, it was £30 just to get into that party let alone the Moet and things, in order words; I totally blew up my 7day sustainer. I officially became Broke. Lucky we got that ride back to the house. See? Always a way…
I was supposed to party with some of my homies, in short all I needed to do was get to the arena and all will be sorted, VIP and things, it was bound to be fun, but the problem now was getting there as home gal lighty was dry on funds. Behold R gets a call from one of them dudes of the night before and he offered to come for us. Yippee! Only for this dude to arrive at 1:10am at least he came. We got to the venue, this guy said he was gonna park his car and guess what he did, he ran off. Lol!!! Now how da fuck! Are we gonna get back to the house. WE WERE ALL BROKE and stranded as well, yea ohh! Lol! We went in, I saw some of my folks and this place was kind of dry. I mean I didn’t dress this nicely and bring my broke ass done here for this place to be dry. This was 2:10am, the place shut down at 2:45am what???? I look around the few people I knew damn which mouth am I going to use to say I cant get home, not me, they don’t expect that from me. Luckily, L spots a friend before I could say Jack Robinson there was yet another means of getting to the house. But there was this little commitment to it, we had to follow him to another spot where he said the music was live and they will be kicking it till 5am in between since he doesn’t live too far from where we were crashing he’ll drop us off
So we all went to this place, getting there, the door was closed, there was no more entry allowance but the guy kept to his word, he pulled some strings and they opened the doors. There is always a way, but not this time. Got behind the doors and it turns out there was £20 to pay. Lighty has reach rock bottom lovies aint no 20quid coming out from no where. Wait for it; this boy told us to go wait for him outside till he’s done partying.
Chai! Lighty you have suffered for fun ohh I mean how did I think anything would be fun if it doesn’t involve money? On the other hand, how broke is this boy? Not that I was expecting him to pay, I promote independence in women, if I were in his shoes, I would have handled it, so I half expected him to, although I have never met him before sha! And coming out while broke, WRONG!
We were to wait for this boy from 3:05am till like 5:00am in the cold before we could get to the house, I looked down at myself and thought HOW DA FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TO YOU. So we went outside and although we didn’t get to the house with the boy, the night took on a whole new dimension.
To be continued…

Ciara didn't do well ohh!!!

Well bloggers, I have got so much to talk about, very importantly is the sufferings that came on me last weekend which i will talk about in my next post. Chai! I suffered ohh. But before I start on that one, here is one very embarrassing yet funny moment in my life.


What is it with guys these days sef? Can’t a beautiful, intellectual and young lady be single no more? You tell them you’re single and they leave their mouths a-gap. This one is by the way let me tell u about one very horrible shall I call it date? No. I will just say hang-out I went on.

I don’t wear my glasses all the time so my vision is forever blurred. On my way from work the other day, I thought I saw someone waving at me and maybe nudging at me as well, this is what I do when situations like this arise, I wave back because I never see the person and I choose not to be rude, it just might be someone who would not take it kindly if I didn’t respond.

The person decided to walk towards me, and I found out we’ve never met. I was pained. I actually mumbled shit* to myself. Well he introduced himself and started with them lame lines silly guys start with. Funny though, we heard a decent conversation after. Turned out he speaks five languages which I found very interesting. So time for me to find my way and he asked for my number; on a normal day I wouldn’t give it out but I thought; we had a decent conversation nywayz, I meant as well. WRONG DECISION.

I have not gone 3mins before my phone starts buzzing, I just refused to pick it up, because I needed time to breathe. 5minutes later, text message. Nsi duuuu ( what is itttt???) ahhh!!! It goes; you touched something special in me, dah dah dah please text back. Hissssssss*I wasn’t in the mood at all.

Anyway this went on for over two weeks, calling and texting. Sometimes I pick my phone up most times I just watch it ring, that did not stop the voice messages coming through though. I felt choked. In fact I had to warn him to watch the way he calls which he agreed on.

Rush hour 3 came out and he said he wanted to see the movie plus I was dying to see that movie too, so I thought yeah since I am not busy this weekend, why not? There ain’t no harm. The beginning of my ordeal.

The day came, this boy turned up in a suit, not blazer oh, as in suit. Oh shit* I thought to myself, for goodness sake, we are going to the movies, what da hell came ova this boi? I was so turned off, I had to ask him why he wore a suit. Nywayz it was 30mins before the start of the movie, so we chilled somewhere for a drink, that wasn’t bad, saw the movie and it was hilarious in every sense of the word.

My flatmate was around town so she told me to chill for her so we could make it home together, at this time it was like quarter to 12am so I decided we should go dancing for a bit while I wait for my flatmate.

We got on the dance floor and after downing a bottle of red wine, this boy decided to go crazy on me, he was doing all the dances you can never imagine, jumping like this and that, until, wait for it, he decided to do the Ciara bend. Any of you seen the like a boy video? Remember the bend Ciara did? The one that her head was almost touching the back of her ankles? Yeah that one, he did it, I was so so so so so embarrassed, guess what, he could not stand up. Ahhhhhhhhhhh no. no no no. I just stood in akimbo looking at him, I was so angry, thinking whatever took you down there should be able to bring you back up now.... sha after struggling and struggling he managed to get up. My intention was to walk out that place, but I thought, I would stick with it till my friend finishes. I called her up and she was already making her way to where I was, lucky me, I just wanted to call it a night.

So I called him a taxi and said my goodbye that was it, I was done with this one. I can never ever forget that embarrassing moment.

And I thought racism was dead.

Imagine ohh , was at work today and some 66year old man called to renew his policy. From the begining of our conversation, I felt he was awkward. I noticed his reluctance when I ask for his policy number because he went silent for like 5 seconds until I said hello before he gave me the details. Below is how the conversation went;

Mr: all I want to do is change the card detail because I don’t want to use that card this year
Me: I do understand, but I would have to run through the policy before I take the payment.
Mr : I don’t want you to go through the policy if you just cant change the card number I would take my business elsewhere
Me: the problem is not changing your card detail, it is just that I have to follow procedure (before they decide to start suing because they didn’t know this or that, we have to thoroughly cover ourselves).
Mr: the problem is not the procedure, the problem is 'you bloody people'. He hung up the phone.
Which bloody people?????

I took his number down, my intention was to call the heifer to explain himself better to me, I was so very angry, but I got another call and this was such a lovely man, he actually made me laugh half way through the call. So I thought no point wasting my time on primitive people who don’t want to move on.

This also takes me back to when I first arrived in this country, after finishing high school in naija asper I finished at a young age, I had to go back to high school now. So there I was ohh in my English literature class, I had two classes for that, one of the teachers loved me because her class was first and I made an excellent first impression on her. My believe is she must has told her colleague about me because from the first day I entered that woman’s class, she gave me attitude.

I found myself failing in one class and passing in the other which was very weird so I decided to talk to that foolish teacher. First she asked me if English is my first language, my head went spinning. Guess what she did next she pulled out a year 5 English book, all them tenses, nouns, and pronouns kind of books with short stories inclusive. God! I could feel the tears gathering behind my eyes. But I made sure I beat her to her own game.

At the beginning of the class, she presented an essay to us saying it was the best in class and the rest of it was shit. This essay was from the girl I compete with in the other class ohh, and most of the time I had a higher score than the girl sha, so I wasn’t even bothered.

Unfortunately for the crazy woman, she set exactly the same question half way through the class and what did I do? I looked at the girl’s essay she gave to us months back ( I kept it because I personally thought it was shit), pulled out like 5-6 shitty sentences from the shabby work and put it in mine untouched, pure and shabby like she wrote it.

I couldn’t wait for the results to come out, it did and all the 5-6 sentence were marked out in red, along with so many other sentences, it was my day. After class I went up to her to discuss the essay along with the girl’s original, I asked why I got such a terrible mark and why most of my work was marked in red, she told me because it was bad and asked me if I have been reading the book she gave. I told her bad uh? How come when the girl wrote it, it was the best work to the extent she had to photocopy for the class? She asked what I was talking about, and I pulled out the essay and pointed at it sentence after sentence. She stared at the essay and wouldn’t look up to my face and wouldn’t speak too. Just then someone knocked on the class room door. Saved by the bell.

I went home and cried my heart out to my mum and from that day I never went back to that school. So much for civilisation uhh?

Drunken Self

So now I am sitting on my bed, still feeling weak as hell, a result of getting drunk last night. I wonder why people actually get drunk; it is so not fun and funny how in this part of the world if one is not getting drunk one is not having fun.

So, I set myself on a mission last night to get drunk because I have never been drunk in my life. Not because I am immune to getting drunk but because I refuse to let my guards down, I am extremely conscious of my surroundings and would probably be the last person you would take advantage of.

It was my friend’s birthday get together yesterday, and she lives literarily behind my house so I and my housemates made our way there. At first I was just munching away while everyone was dancing and drinking. After like two hours, I noticed I have not heard a drop of alcohol which was surprising and I was beginning to think there was something wrong because usually I am first to grab a glass. Mind you I have a rule, strictly no larger, cider or beer, I personally don’t think it speaks well of a classy woman like me.

So last night I thought to myself, why don’t I just get drunk? This is just 3mins away from my house, I have my housemates around me and I have never had the gust to be drunk. I started with 2 tumblers of white wine and pulled out a bottle of red wine (my favourite, I just can’t get enough of red wine uhhh.) and downed the lot.

As at the time they were leading me home this morning, I was floating, got up to my room slept for a bit, woke at 7.30 to throw up and that’s what I did every 30mins till 5.30pm. Awwww what a horrible, horrible, horrible feeling. How do people get by this? I threw up until I almost gagged out my intestines, funny though I had no headache but I feel so so so weak am surprised I am actually even writing now.

Well at least now I know when I am drunk I don’t talk shit or act a fool and experience no headaches at some point though, I was thinking of calling paramedics because I thought the vomiting would kill me.

On that note I am never getting drunk again in my life, I think I have done my part.

Animal Fetish

Ok, here’s the deal, I am sick and tired of so many strange things all happening at the same time. Was watching television the other day, day time TV for that matter and there was this documentary kind of talk going on, it was about humans having sex with there pets or random animals.

Apparently, it is illegal to have sexual intercourse with animals and anyone caught in the act would get a prison sentence. Don’t know how many years though cause I was in the middle of getting ready for work.

So this man came up and said he is a farmer and a few days ago he heard something strange going on in is barn, he went in there and in the hot afternoon was a man having sexual intercourse with his horse. He declared he beat that man black and blue (lol! I personally think he should have cut off his balls instead. But hey! Datz mi tho. Lol!).

Anyway, another man was found having sexual intercourse with his dog, and when he was arrested for it, he said ‘why should he get arrested, after all he owns the dog’ thing is the dog is a male dog too, so you know where what was going. Hewlllllllll….
They arrested a woman after suspecting she was having sexual intercourse with her poodle, but she always denied it. Finally while in public, her dog decided it needed a lick and proceeded by going under her skirt, which confirmed the suspicion, she was taking into custody.

Well people, that just goes further to show you how dirty the world today is. May God help us.

P.S. I was thinking that I would like to start smoking. Any recommendations on what cigarettes brand to go for? I am giving myself two weeks before I start fully. And don’t ask me why, because I don’t know, plus it is not influence or peer pressure, I believe I have past all that.

Witchcraft ban ends in Zimbabwe

By Steve Vickers BBC, Harare.

I just thought I would share this with you all, isnt it amazing what the world is coming to, right before our eyes? Programmes with the likes of Harry Potter, Charmed etc have a great impact on how the matters of witchcraft is viewed today. Now to be a witch is 'supercool', to the extent that children write series of letters to 'JK Rowling' writer of Harry Potter to join her fantasy academy believing it to be real. Well people what can I say? Zimbabwe on the other hand decided to take full charge, read through the article.

Zimbabwe has lifted a ban on the practice of witchcraft, repealing legislation dating back to colonial rule.

From July the government acknowledges that supernatural powers exist - but prohibits the use of magic to cause someone harm.

In 1899, colonial settlers made it a crime to accuse someone of being a witch or wizard - wary of the witch hunts in Europe a few centuries earlier which saw many people burned at the stake after such accusations.

But to most Zimbabweans, especially those who grew up in the rural areas, it has been absurd to say that the supernatural does not exist.

In fact, it is not hard to find vivid stories about the use of magic.

Alfred, for example, believes that he was bewitched at work some years ago, making him partly bald.

He described how after supper one evening as he and his wife were retiring to bed his hair disappeared.

"When my wife came into the bedroom she look at me and said, 'What happened to your hair? Where's it gone?'

Claims of witchcraft need to be investigated instead of putting down every disorder in society that is taking in our society to witchcraft or modern magic
Thomas Deve, social commentator"She saw a bald patch from the forehead going back on the side of the head. There was no trace of it," he says.

He spent seven months visiting traditional healers to make it grow back.

"She made some incisions round the bald patch, put some powdery muti (medicine) and lo and behold within a few day the hair had grown."

Fetishes
There are many other accounts of the use of magic, and the new law effectively legitimises many practices of traditional healers.

'If you have that knowledge to capture a thief in a cattle kraal when he comes for the cows, well and good. It's like electrifying the fence round your house'
Traditional healer Claude Mararikei

Do you believe in witchcraft?

These include rolling bones to foretell the future, divination, attempts to communicate with the dead, using muti - traditional powders and fetishes - to ensure the desired sex of a child.

But there will be some legal grey areas, like whether it is legal for a husband to place some charms in his bedroom - charms that may injure his wife if she is unfaithful.

Professor Claude Mararikei - a sociologist and the chairman of Zimbabwe's Traditional Medical Practitioner's Council - argues that witchcraft has some positive benefits in the modern world.

He cites the example of a man who stole some bewitched cement that became stuck to the thief's shoulders so he could not remove the bag.

"So if you have that knowledge to capture a thief in a cattle kraal when he comes for the cows, well and good. It's like electrifying the fence round your house," he says.

'Waste of time'
Others believe that the country would be better off without elevating the supernatural.
"I think it's a waste of time and energy. The urban areas are not really caught up in these supernatural issues," says social commentator Thomas Deve.


"Claims of witchcraft need to be investigated instead of putting down every disorder in society that is taking in our society to witchcraft or modern magic," he adds.

The church in Zimbabwe has always believed that witchcraft exists, but it has been careful to establish the source of such supernatural powers.

"As Christians we've got to recognise that supernatural forces are good if they originate from God - now witchcraft is one of the things that originates from the Satanic world," says Reverend Roy Musasiwa who runs a theological college in the capital, Harare.

The Witchcraft Suppression Act was used fairly frequently, but prosecuting someone under the new legislation may prove difficult.

The new Criminal Law Codification and Reform Act will demand proof that a person has supernatural powers and that they are using them to harm others.

"It's not going to be easy task," says Custom Kachambwa, a judge with years of experience in the legal field.

He says witnesses will often be traditional healers, who could be accused of practising harmful magic in the future.

But whatever the problems, the repealing of the witchcraft laws is another sign that Zimbabwe's government is continuing to move away from Western values and placing more emphasis on the country's own traditions.

Fellow bloggers, this is disturbing.

I went home yesterday because I need a break, I have been working really hard since I got back from the States so I arranged with my family friend to come spend some time with me because we have not spent much time in each other’s company lately. I picked her up from my party area and we headed to my home.

She discovered that her friend whom she hasn’t seen for a very long time lives not too far from where I live and arranged with him to come over so they could have a miniature reunion. We could not host him yesterday because we were both tired. I on one hand had come a very long way, made a stop over at hers’ and got back home to cook some lovely dinner. On the other hand, she wanted to get settled and familiar with her surrounds before having anyone over.

Anyway today we met with; call him RF as in for reunion friend. RF came round and we had a fantastic time. We all went round my beautiful town and RF loved the fact that the major stores were at your convenience and promised himself to come back shopping. He ended up getting my friend and I a pair of shoes each. Those shoes are Gorgeous and he insisted so who am I to say no. we went to the movies to see transformers, good movie, so overall like I said we had fun.

Got back home and shortly afterwards RF gave us a call. He spoke to my family friend for a while and she handed the phone to me. This is the conversation that ensued.

RF: so Lighty I was talking to your friend and the thing is I am very lonely.
Me: ha ha why are you lonely?
RF: actually I need a girl in my life I use to have one that your friend knows about, I put everything into it and it ended in a muddle.
Me: why what happened?
RF: after I left Nigeria, the girl became an aristo chic and she suggested we break up after realising I found out.
Me: how long ago was this?
RF: its been three months now and when I see what I like I go for it. I talked to your friend but it seems like she has someone already and I am not someone to break up a happy home. So I saw you today and I like you.
Me: say what? (now I know this boy is on drugs, I think he grows weed on his head).
RF: I am saying I mean we are not kids here, plus I need a girlfriend and I think you will be the right person.
Me: ( err ehh… so that is what those shoes are about? I have always known that nothing goes for nothing in this life, no wonder). Love, I think you are broken hearted, and what you are looking for is a rebound. This is not the way forward boi! You just cannot float amongst friends and expect to get something real out of it.
RF: I mean I know what I want and I think you will be right for me.

To cut the story short RF decided that asking my friend to be his girlfriend and she turning him down was liberty enough for asking me the same on the same day, what a fucking liberty. I told him I don’t even fancy him in any way and he said we could start on friendship, it might lead to something. I told him that there was no point starting from somewhere when it would lead nowhere.

Guess what the guy says to me, he ask if my friend is still awake, I tell him to hold on I will give her the phone and I hear them talking about me and how he said I said I wasn’t his type in a horrible way. Anyway after that, he returned to asking her to be his girlfriend. And she let him down nicely.

Ahhhh!! What a desperado, or on second note what does this guy take us for? Is it the shoes? Because that would be the last time I will accepting a gift from any man.

Entrapment

Have you ever been pinned to a corner and feel the walls are closing on you? Or been in a relationship that feels like you are bonded by a chain with a lock on it as if a slave? Trust me, it is more freaky than scary.


About being trapped, let me get down to that. I had been with my ex for like 6months and in that 6months, my life was snatched away from me. Let’s call him X. My life was snatched away because by six months, X had let his mum know about me, literarily forced me to tell my mum about him, I was twenty. Ode me, I thought I was living the life because I believed it was love (actually i think i had a stupidity wool over my eyes, bless my lil' heart lol).


Anyway, X lives approximately one hour away from where I work but I had no problems seeing him as frequently as I wanted (or should I say ‘as we both agreed’?). So when X told me that his mum was coming over to see 'us' because she lives where I party, I had no troubles making that happen.


Well I got to X’s house a day before his mum was due to arrive and it was a nerve wrecking 24hr wait (ladies can feel me on this, when it comes to meeting your guy‘s mum for the first time it is bloody scary). X’s mum’s anticipated arrival finally came, and guess what? She came with his grandmother, haaa! His grandmother!!!!!!! from Nigeria? I thought to myself OMG this is crazy. I mean I knew she was around but I didn’t know she was going to travel such long distance as the grandson had just visited her the weekend before why would she come all the way?


I found out why shortly, after I was introduced as X’s wife by Mama X. Omo. I wanted to pass out, I was thinking sh*t if my mother should hear all these, she’ll break my head and ask me who gave my hand in marriage? Well the two women ate and after they were settled, Grandma X decided to make a calling. She beckoned on X and I, you will never guess what happened.


Cool down let me brief you. Grandma X told X and I to kneel down she wants to say a prayer for us. Darlings, this is where my entrapment comes in. I wanted to run away but I couldn’t, it was not possible. I wanted to scream my mother’s name and call for her to save me but that was not even an option. I was so freaked out that I don’t know if anyone noticed how unsettled I was. Umm… Well I managed to fall on my knees and the prayers started.


Grandma X: may you two love one another till the end, may you have as many kids as you want, may anything that tries to separate you be put in asunder yadi! yadi!! yada!!! As she was praying it, I was bouncing them off with the prayers in my head because it felt more like an oath taking session than a prayer to me. what??????? This is six months mate! What’s up with all these?


Anyway the ordeal ended and I was grateful for that until after 24hrs when it was time for mama X and grandma X to leave. This bit is the freakiest bit ever, and it still freaks me out when I remember it. Grandma X decided that she would not leave until she takes a photograph of X and I. There was no camera anywhere in the house and boi!!!!! Was that the happiest one minute of my life? (Not). Grandma X sat down and said she was not going anywhere until she takes a photo with her. Wahala oooo. I on the other hand was seriously praying that a camera would not turn up, camera for what nowww? Peoples, a camera turned up sha to my disappointment and ask me how?
Because she was so strong on her decision X’s younger brother had to go to the shops to get a disposable one and that was how Grandma X sat in-between X and I and younger X took the photograph, Grandma X was happy, she slipped the camera into her bag and they said their goodbyes. I was dazed thinking; what was all of that about?


Well sometimes you will find yourself believing in superstitions, menh! I prayed every night about that freaky encounter, every night. And I am glad to let you know that I have been out that relationship for exactly a year today. I just thought I’ll share a little bit of it with you, and when I think back on it, it scares the hell out of me.

Do you think I am overly thinking it? Could it be that it really meant nothing and maybe Grandma X was just expressing her joy?

Gay Torment

Ummm… people, I am in trouble. I mean what is going on around me? Why is it that every moving picture I focus on, there is gay action happening? I am thinking there could be three possible answers to this;

1. Either the world is now standing on its head or free will is overly expressed.
2. I am a bit too slow with the world’s revolving.
3. I have been oblivious to my surroundings.

I believe in free will and I have nothing to say about gay people, for or against. I mean literally, I don’t have anything to say. I don’t think about the issue, I don’t debate on it and as far as I am concerned it is just another trend people in the world have decided to follow. However, in the last month it has become too frequently thrown in my face.

It all started when I was in the States a month ago and I picked up a book titled ‘On The Down Low’ by J.L King, I read with great perplexity as to what the world has turned into. Like that was not enough dose for me, the Sunday programme on BET ‘Meet The Faith’ decided that the DL issue was to be the topic for that week. I decided to watch the programme with my mouth shut, leaving my head spinning.

I know by now most people are familiar with the DL issue. Its basically about men who in the eye of the society are 100% straight, some of them married with kids, but seek sexual intercourse in private with other men of their calibre and in the process increase the rate of HIV/AIDS among their women. These men are black men by the way, African American. But I am sure African men in Africa are guilty of the same.

However that’s not the issue for today. The issue for today is why gay attitude have become full-on in my face. Anyway, I came back from the States, forgot about the matter and carried on with my life, but nooooo, it had to come back to me.

I have been a member of the gym for a long time now, but just recently became a frequent visitor. I go for a 20mins run, 100 sit ups, 15min sauna a little bit of this and that routine, which includes a movie to take back home just to ensure my return to the gym the following day would be happening ( because knowing myself I probably would be too lazy to return. The movie keeps me in check).
Problem now is all the movies I have taken out recently have turned out to have gay substance in them.

The first one was ‘Broke Back Mountain’, how come nobody warned me about that movie? The sight of two men kissing is not attractive, nor appealing nor sexual nor anything. Anyway, that was that and I thought well it is over. Haaaaa not. The next movie I took out was ‘Night Whisperer’ based on a true story, good movie but surrounded by gay attitude, as if that wasn’t enough I worked round the clock on the few days following that, only for me to wake up on Sunday morning happy to have a day of rest (I go to church in the evenings), sat up on my bed, put my TV on, and what did I see??? I am sure by now you know, yes oooooooooo umm… It was two men touching on each other’s face in the omnibus ‘Hollyoaks’. At this point I begin to trace back my week and I become very aware that on each day of last week, there has been a content of gay nature popping it's head from my TV screen. Now, why I have decided to write this is not because of any of the above but because to top it all up I was walking into the train station from work this night and guess what I saw???????? Two men kissing and groping on each other.

Diary, am I imagining this? Or has homosexuality become part of the world’s day to day activity? Like you wake in the morning, take a shower, brush your teeth and step outside your door to see two men kissing?
Whatever it is, it is ringing a help alarm in my head. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!

while at work....

Yesterday, I was at work doing my normal saturday 8hr shift and believe me, I thought the day was never going to end. It was so damn busy and I was on red light all day long. The least number of calls I had waiting on my "aspect" was 23, just imagine!!!!! dem won kill me ( are they trying to kill me)??? anyways, whenever I was not feeling it I just sat there and stared at the red light or went on the internet and chatted with my loved ones. abi wetin man pikin go do now ( wot would the son of man do)? But out of everybody I sorted out yesterday, I remember this one guy very vividly.

It was a Nigerian man who called, a Nigerian igbo man to be precise. surname was Opara. noramlly I hardly get Nigerian calls I guess thats why when I get calls like dat, I am kind of excited (dont ask me why, cos I dont av an answer). except for one woman like that ohh some mrs Akinyemi woman..... imagine ohh this woman must have called and asked to set up insurance policy in the most yorubaish accent ever. that didnt even budge me. what bothered me the most was her rudeness.

Some Nigerian older people should learn to be respectful honestly... na so mrs Akinyemi do ohhh, land 4 my red book. (here's how mrs Akinyemi wind up in my red book)

mrs A: ehh I want toe set up an insurance policy foh my car

Lighty: would it be in your name?

mrs A: yes nau it is my car

Lighty: can I have your surname please?

mrs A: look it is a toyota corolla nineteen ninety sebin ( I spelt it out so u lot can get what I mean when I say she heard some strong accent) I dont have that much time can you please tell me how much it is.

at this point I knew it would be better if I didnt let her know I am nigerian, I thot am better off being professional and not friendly.

Lighty: madam I cannot give you a quote without entering ur details, it is through ur details that your premium is generated.

this woman no gree mi ohhhh (this woman wasnt having it)

mrs A: errr wo I dont av time to be answering all ur questions can you jos give mi the prise and let mi set it up.

Lighty: madam if it is a quick quote you want, you can go on our website www... and get one, if you have any problems give us a call back and we'll talk you through it.

mrs A: why suld I go onlye (online)? but I am speaking to u now why cant u jos tell mi the prise (lol! as in price)

abi woman yi ti mad ni??? (is this woman crazy?) abasi nbong nsun ton npo ( please lord, what is this)

Lighty: ok wotz ur surname please?

mrs A: ayy I have told you before it is jos a toyota corolla nineteen ninety sebin why cant you jos tell me the prise? why is so difficult 4 u to hear wot am sayin jos give mi the prise I dont av all day.

now mo mu 'pe woman yi ti mad ( now i know this woman is crazy). I swear, sometimes some of us Nigerians can be extremely difficult.

Lighty: I have to take your details mam

mrs A: then u wuld av to call me back, take this numba down

Lighty: what is the number?
am not one to be disrespectful to customers some of my collegues just tell rude customers off in a professional way and I that sometimes, but because I know my people, I could not be bothered to do that, its just long tellin her off.

mrs A: the numba is 020.... call me back now now. I dont have all day, I have things to do.

Lighty: I will call you

mrs A: ok, I will be waiting, call me now now ohh.

Lighty: alright then ill call u now. thanks for your call goodbye.


ha ha ha ha story....... I was thinkin.....just imagine how rude and you expect mi to call u back? when am the one tryin to help you out here. mrs joneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssie, about callin u back, errr.... no can do. sorry mate!!!! lol! nywayz the last thing I was goin to do that day was call mrs A back. I will rather take off my underwear, stand on my desk and dance with it on my head.


By the way where was I? ok mr Opara. so I tell mr O am nigerian and boiiii was he pleased? in his igbo accent too. am like r u igbo. he's like yeah how did u know? am like ur name ( not. more like I can tell from the accent). he's like what did you say you name was again so I tell him; Lighty. where r u from ( thing about my name is, its one of them names that you can never guess where it's from unless I tell u. its classic and very unique, most pple actually think its a nickname).

Anyway it turned out mr O lives not to far from where i live and he is like haaa after this we shuld hook up. I laugh it off. and because we keep full details of our customers, you have to register their fone numbers too, so i ask for mr O's fone number boiiii!!! was he happy, am like sir it is for company use. he's like save that number. read it to me again so I know you got the right digits. At this stage I decide to be strictly professional with mr O and coninued with my job, yadi yadi yadi. annual premium was told and mr O's voice went from high key to flat note. to be honest it was quite expensive am not gonna lie. and mr O was not happy too.

but somehow he managed to say well since ure my pipu and yav been very hepfu I guess ill just have to take it. my credit card no is ........... and err please call mi ehh wen u finish from work ayy, so we can hook up. ( ay ay ay as if. lol!)

am lyk thanks for your call enjoy ur day.......... I hung up the fone and laughed my head off. so there u go, something to lighten up my busy day.... ahhhhh honestly work gives me jokes sometimes.

diaryyyy I honestly love my job.

The Birth.

ok people..........................hi to y'all, this is me: fynnn as hell, light skin (my skin colour is one that intrigues people the most, the blend of it. not shockingly light, not brown, almost beige like and very rich in moisture and softness) extemely confident, cocky at times, true to self and dwell on facts. listen, dont get me wrong I encourage fantasy sometimes and I have just a few friends.

Here's the deal, I dont like keeping things in, because I beleive it makes it worse, so I've decided that you lot are going to be my diary. The good thing about this is that now my diary would share its opinion. ummmm!!!! I find that very fascinating. ha ha ha. the joy of it alone fills my heart.

I am Nigerian by birth, UK citizen by location, dual nationality that is. I party 45mins away from where I live, study 4hrs away from where I party and work 20mins away from where I study (estimated times by train) all in UK. I am your insurance consultant in UK, am saying this because you never know, if you live in UK you just might be speaking to me regarding your motor insurance. I deal with almost every single one of them, from BMW to Vauxhall to Tesco, you name them and thats because I work with a partnership governed by one of the major banks in UK.

Now.... I know this blog thing would require a lot of commitment, I will try my best to write to my diary (you) every now and then to share my daily joys, blessings and disappointments.

Let's get the ball rolling.