Stuck in middle of my crossroad.

Don’t y’all find the word who’s your daddy during sex utterly disturbing? Isn’t it the sickest ish you ever heard in your life? For starters why would I want to have sex with my daddy, second why should I picture my daddy having sex with me when u are pulling my hair in hot xtacy??? All I can say is y’all have a nasty nasty mind. Lol! (for the randomness).

Sure u’re wondering what came about this mind, I miss love. Damn! I haven’t been in love for what seem like 2years now. HELP!!!!! Am frigging lonely. I never thought ill ever say this, but there you have it, I am shouting it, LIGHTY IS FRIGGING LONELY.

I can’t be bothered to start a relationship with the people asking. They are not my cup of tea, and even loneliness would not claim the better part of me. Can u imagine I almost entered into a long distance relationship because of loneliness? I am talking Nigeria- England kind of relationship. Nahhh menh! Ern ern.

I know you would conveniently say it is not about the distance but the person. Yeah yeah yeah wotever. It is so about the distance, mehn I can’t. Am sorry.

The guy in question is good looking though, got his own business and all and oh so dresses to impress. But along with all this comes his arrogance. That I know am fly and I know you know kind of arrogance. That is one absolute turnoff mehn. I can’t deal with that. But to be fair he’s been on my case for what seem like 4years now though. He was in my Uni before he finished and transported himself to naija to settle into family business. Obviously when he was on my case I had a boyfriend and didn’t even give him the time of day, with his fly self and huge arrogance lol! After I broke it off with my ex. His plea was very much intense and I actually considered a relationship with him then the goat picked himself up and did a marathon all the way to Nigeria. Now he’s back to hunt me again. This time he wants me and long distance. That is 2marks down for the guy. Arrogance and distance.
On the other hand Lighty is in like with someone else. Someone that I don’t think is in like with me though. Now isn’t that a damn shame??? Argh! Life is so funny.

This person I talk to a lot of the time, almost everyday and have shared a few ‘fun’ times with too. Only for him to turn around to say am his good friend. F good friends. The funny thing is in as much as I have a lot of pride and ego. I just can’t get this person off my head. Note; he just might be reading this and I really don’t give a F if he is. I believe my blog is made for my mind and even He wouldn’t stop me from saying exactly what I want.

As I was saying, I really like this person that may be reading this post but does not like me in the way I want, I can’t stop myself from liking him still. Even though I have never told him this, I expect he knows I do.

Damn! I need to fall in love, and I think he is holding me back because 1) I cant like 2 people at the same time, I have a problem doing that and ever since I started rolling round this guy i have refused to like any1 else. 2) I have missed out on 2 of what I presume would have been good relationships.

I am beginning to think maybe I really don’t like him that much, and maybe because I am still trying to figure out why he does not feel a certain way about me, I am so attached to him. So until I get to the bottom of it I am going to be chained to Him. Honestly, sometimes I think I punish myself sef. Thing is I have never had any1 I am close to not like me in that way. I guess there is a start for everything or should I say welcome to the real world Lighty, alas! the world doesn’t revolve round you. Damn! That hurts. Lol.

His excuse is he is not ready for a relationship; my explanation for this is I am not his type of person. But my question is why all this then? I think the phone conversations and visiting should stop because he is really getting in the way of what I am feeling.

I also believe that no matter what, if anyone comes across their kind of person, they would be ready regardless or what do y’all think.

So here I am, stuck in the middle, cant move forward, not ready to pull back, giving guys a hard time and lonely as hell. Damn! Am lonely.

P.S. if you are reading, I really don’t give a shit. I still like you anyway. I have never said this to you before, so there you have it. Prove is prove. Lol!

My next post would be from: THE ROLLERCOASTER OF AN ALLEGED PLAYER. stay tuned.

Serious thoughts of a mature mind

Lovely people, I am glad to tell you all that since my broke weekend, my life has bounced back to normal except I am still single, and true to say, I don’t know how I feel about it at this point. Thing is I actually think I have a problem, I am not sure what it is though so I’ll rely on you lot to help me out.

I’ve been single for 1year and 3months, and I still can’t be bothered getting into a relationship. I find myself pushing guys away intentionally, for no reason. Cool able guys for that matter too.

On my phone you’ll see random names like ‘don’t pick’, ‘disturber’ etc. could it be that I am scared of getting into a relationship? I don’t want to believe my last relationship is having an effect on me because I believe I am a strong woman, but psychology is a b**ch and it just might be the reason.

I believe I was everything a man would want in his woman, I was down with pleasing, motivating , advising, playing, cooking, looking fly on his arms and he cheated, in a cold way too. Can somebody tell me why men cheat? Because up to date he is asking to get back with me even though the mofo stayed with this girl for 4months after we broke up plus his mother still calls me.

Anyway, that is by the way. I have been talking to this guy for a while now, but every time anything relating to relationship between us comes up, I shut it down. I really am feeling him though and he is not hiding the fact he wants to WIFE me. Lol! we flow really well, my kind of guy.

So why haven’t I accepted to be his girlfriend after 6weeks? I don’t know, and to be honest, I don’t think I would for the next 4weeks either. Here is where my problem sets in, even though I like him, it doesn’t seem to bother me if after two more weeks of these, he decides to move on because he is not getting anywhere with me, of which I really doubt but then I cant be too sure of myself, it just might be. Hey! It doesn’t seem to matter though. I don’t know if I want a boyfriend.

I would like for us to be together, only if I had more time, then again how much more time do I want? I have shut myself from everything that represents a relationship, I don’t miss cuddling, kissing etc, it doesn’t even touch me to see couples fooling around, I just can’t be bothered. My heart has been closed and I really don’t know when it’ll open up again. I believe it wouldn’t be fair to enter into a relationship with a closed heart. To be honest I could do with another year of being single, I have learned a lot, grown spiritually and mentally too. It’s like my life took a boom in every aspect and I am grateful to God.

Why my heart has refused to open beats me, because when it comes to the list below, he foot’s the bill

Cute
Good Rapport
Religious
Level of intellect
Dress sense
Style
Attentive to my needs.

I don’t make up list but these are some of the many things I like about him and now because I know we could be starting something beautiful, I look for every excuse not to go places with him, meet up or go for a meal. I am always busy, tight schedule, dissertation stress, work, etc. I am afraid of starting anything because in any relationship; I am extremely committed, very loyal, giving, loving etc and all these just might be kicked to the kerb again or am I just enjoying being single and making excuses? I am not getting any younger, in fact in less than 2months, I will be a year older. What if this is the only chance i get of a good man and end up missing it because of my blasé attitude?

Blogville, I need your help on this one, I don’t think I can go through this alone. I need strong words of advice, honest and open minded. Don’t worry I am strong enough to take any shots you might want to shoot at me. Let’s hear it from you guys, bring it on.

In between your words of advice, make your way to my talent blog: http://lightystalent.blogspot.com/