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Tuesday, 22 April 2008

Stuck in middle of my crossroad.

Don’t y’all find the word who’s your daddy during sex utterly disturbing? Isn’t it the sickest ish you ever heard in your life? For starters why would I want to have sex with my daddy, second why should I picture my daddy having sex with me when u are pulling my hair in hot xtacy??? All I can say is y’all have a nasty nasty mind. Lol! (for the randomness).

Sure u’re wondering what came about this mind, I miss love. Damn! I haven’t been in love for what seem like 2years now. HELP!!!!! Am frigging lonely. I never thought ill ever say this, but there you have it, I am shouting it, LIGHTY IS FRIGGING LONELY.

I can’t be bothered to start a relationship with the people asking. They are not my cup of tea, and even loneliness would not claim the better part of me. Can u imagine I almost entered into a long distance relationship because of loneliness? I am talking Nigeria- England kind of relationship. Nahhh menh! Ern ern.

I know you would conveniently say it is not about the distance but the person. Yeah yeah yeah wotever. It is so about the distance, mehn I can’t. Am sorry.

The guy in question is good looking though, got his own business and all and oh so dresses to impress. But along with all this comes his arrogance. That I know am fly and I know you know kind of arrogance. That is one absolute turnoff mehn. I can’t deal with that. But to be fair he’s been on my case for what seem like 4years now though. He was in my Uni before he finished and transported himself to naija to settle into family business. Obviously when he was on my case I had a boyfriend and didn’t even give him the time of day, with his fly self and huge arrogance lol! After I broke it off with my ex. His plea was very much intense and I actually considered a relationship with him then the goat picked himself up and did a marathon all the way to Nigeria. Now he’s back to hunt me again. This time he wants me and long distance. That is 2marks down for the guy. Arrogance and distance.
On the other hand Lighty is in like with someone else. Someone that I don’t think is in like with me though. Now isn’t that a damn shame??? Argh! Life is so funny.

This person I talk to a lot of the time, almost everyday and have shared a few ‘fun’ times with too. Only for him to turn around to say am his good friend. F good friends. The funny thing is in as much as I have a lot of pride and ego. I just can’t get this person off my head. Note; he just might be reading this and I really don’t give a F if he is. I believe my blog is made for my mind and even He wouldn’t stop me from saying exactly what I want.

As I was saying, I really like this person that may be reading this post but does not like me in the way I want, I can’t stop myself from liking him still. Even though I have never told him this, I expect he knows I do.

Damn! I need to fall in love, and I think he is holding me back because 1) I cant like 2 people at the same time, I have a problem doing that and ever since I started rolling round this guy i have refused to like any1 else. 2) I have missed out on 2 of what I presume would have been good relationships.

I am beginning to think maybe I really don’t like him that much, and maybe because I am still trying to figure out why he does not feel a certain way about me, I am so attached to him. So until I get to the bottom of it I am going to be chained to Him. Honestly, sometimes I think I punish myself sef. Thing is I have never had any1 I am close to not like me in that way. I guess there is a start for everything or should I say welcome to the real world Lighty, alas! the world doesn’t revolve round you. Damn! That hurts. Lol.

His excuse is he is not ready for a relationship; my explanation for this is I am not his type of person. But my question is why all this then? I think the phone conversations and visiting should stop because he is really getting in the way of what I am feeling.

I also believe that no matter what, if anyone comes across their kind of person, they would be ready regardless or what do y’all think.

So here I am, stuck in the middle, cant move forward, not ready to pull back, giving guys a hard time and lonely as hell. Damn! Am lonely.

P.S. if you are reading, I really don’t give a shit. I still like you anyway. I have never said this to you before, so there you have it. Prove is prove. Lol!

My next post would be from: THE ROLLERCOASTER OF AN ALLEGED PLAYER. stay tuned.

48 finger tappings:

Afrobabe said...

Yipppeeeee I am first

Afrobabe said...

Hmmm...I just came out of a non ready for serious relationship but lets shag kind of relationship and babes...i swear its not worth it,....wait to meet someone who wants you badly...

Lighty said...

afro-electric... the thing is its no longer lets shag sef, it is more like lets wait and see relationship. the funny thing is i know its not worth it. i think it is the mystery of it all that makes me want to wait and see.
i av a terribly feeling in the end if he says he is ready for a relationship. i would automatically stop liking him. i must av a serious problem, honest.

anyways babes r u ok?
i tried emailing u but can't. send me one sweetie.

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

lmao...at the "P.S".lol...blunt chick...neways, pls dont miss love, it hurts like hell and feels good at the same time..tell me how thats possible..well at least thats the way it feels for now...your not missing out really...so i am guessing that guy we talked about did not work out...

Lighty said...

@zephi...he kind of is the same guy am talking about here.

miluv! how u dey now???? hope u guddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd. and errthing is orite?? lol.

darkelcee said...

love will find its way into ur heart babes.

holding on to him will only prevent you from seeing that dashing young man.

let go and see a dude right infront of you! lollll i am guilty of this too but trying to end it now.but omo ko easy.lolll

Lighty said...

@darkelcee...let go u say??? i think i would do just that. but to be honest, he is 100% my type of guy which is the saddest part of it all.

well i guess i just av to step back. like u said, i might be missing the dashing guy in front of mi. argh! this sucks.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

OKAY, CAN i CONFESS THAT i AM LAUGHING AT THE WHOLE "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" BIT. lol!

My sista, as for love, let ol' boy go in order for your heart to be receptive to the blessing God has coming your way. ANd you know it will come right? Right when you aren't looking....

Lighty said...

@solomonsydelle... lol! but truly isnt the ish bugging? lol.

and i am not in love at all. love is too strong. i am in like, if there is anything like that.
chai! i should let ol' boy go??? but why??? he's a good lad, honest. if he wasnt that good e fo don go tey tey. but truly i need to let him go. i here u.
like they say, if it is meant to be, it would be. no need forcing it to be.
so i would let him go, if he is for me, he would come back to me.
at the mean time, i would give others a chance but i still wouldnt settle for less though. agreed?
i would rather stay sinlge and lonely than be in a relationship only to be unhappy.
on a greeting note, how u dey???

Jeff Corbin said...

Aww...now i see why i sounded like a woman...Sorry dear. It sucks i know...Anyways, I liked this post...i just saw 2 things throughout the whole thing. 1. WHO'S YOUR DADDY!! 2. I am in like with you 'whoever you are'.

Lovely post...a like letter if you will. :)

La Reine said...

I fell in on a relationship day. Interesant.

-Feeling your blog

Lighty said...

@jeff corbin... yep! it sure sucks. lol @ u seeing only 2 things. honest jeff, dont u think that ish is messed up? i know people dont think about it but it really is, dont u think? lol.

and opps u're in like with me? yeahhh am blushing. lol. ok am in like wit u too luvvie.

ha ha ha about u liking letter, now wuldnt u be taking carlang's spot by liking letter? lol!

@la reine... unfortunately darling, u did.
thx hun 4 stopping by. hope to see more of u.

30+ said...

That's why we women have palavas honest.

Funny thing is if you cut him off high and dry he just might come to his senses of how much he is in like with you as well.

And if you cutting him off doesn't bug him then you really don't want to be in like with him or do you...?

HUGS

guerreiranigeriana said...

lmao at the 'who's your daddyy' question...haven't had that one and hope to never be asked that...i might actually stop pumping and ask 'what did you say?'...haha...or 'what does my daddy have to do with this here?'...

...loved the jill scott "getting in the way of what i am feeling"...haha...okay...i'm trying to avoid dealing with the real issue you have brought up lovey cause honestly, dunno what to tell you...just don't play yourself...however you take that to mean, fine, just at the end of the day, be able to walk away and be cool-not played!!...good luck lovey...kisses...and you too, don't stand in the way of your prince o!!!!....make una move, allow him enter (whoa, just realized the sexual implications of that statement;)...

Lighty said...

@30+... sista mi, we av too much palava. and i believe we cos our own palava sef.

well i think i would go back to my usual old sef. move on. i never had a problem with dat b4 and hopefully i wouldnt now. i hope so tho. i just have to programme myself to focus. ill try 2 weeks. thing is at the end of 2 weeks i may not even remember his name. lol. am sure i would dnt mind me.

@guerr... lol. honestly i still say that ish is messed up.
i see u're really feeling jill there uhh. cool. lol! i was actually listening to the song at the time i was writing the post.

and my darling guerr i promise not to get myself played in the end. from today i move on and never look back unless he pulls me back that is. and only for a good cause would i return.
ha ha about that sounding sexual, i see who's ur daddy is getting the better part of u. say, wot r u thinking? lol.

muah love thx. look out for my email.

ladyguide said...

babe, who's this guy u are in-like with sef, is he a blogger? u never know, we might convince him to like u too, lol!!

cheers

~Mimi~ said...

:) darling. u and i need to talk.

:)

Lighty said...

@ladyguide... blogger??? u wish. lol! woteva happens in blogville stays in blogville. word! lol.

@mimi... really? hit mi. i hope all is well oh.

Lighty said...

@ladyguide... blogger??? u wish. lol! woteva happens in blogville stays in blogville. word! lol.

@mimi... really? hit mi. i hope all is well oh.

Lighty said...

@ladyguide... blogger??? u wish. lol! woteva happens in blogville stays in blogville. word! lol.

@mimi... really? hit mi. i hope all is well oh.

Olamild said...

Hope you find true love

Honeywell said...

mehn sister, all i can say is, been there, done that.... what is needed right now is patience...... as for the naija guy, ABEGI! i agree, some people say its not the distance, its the guy..... ever notice how most of those people have their boyfriends IN A 5 MILE RADIUS?? abeg abeg abeg..... lol seriously though, hopefully the guy will read this and develop some feelings for you, fingers crossed... :)

soupasexy said...

mehn, i want to cry reading this...this is so my story.
na only God go punish them sha..lol

Lighty said...

@olamild... amen to dat sista.

@honeywell... lol about its the distance. thx hun! i didnt knw u'll say that too. it is soooo about the distance. and about him reading this. to be honest it really doesnt make a difference to me. and if it does to him, all well and good. it still dnt matter.

@ soupasexy... lol @ u crying, U cant be serious i aint even crying writing it. LOL.

nooo babes, no punishing here. remember we most times put ourselves in situations like this. its sometimes' our fault for knwing wots right but sticking to the wrong.

take 4 example God punishes all the men because the women said to. there would be no good man alive. now wot would we do then??? remember, men recycle. wots bad for me maybe ur best preference. if i pray for him to be punished u would never get ur preference coz i already asked 4 him 2 be punished.
just saying, just saying.

soupasexy said...

i hear u, guess was a lil upset when i wrote that. but it's true, in the end we'll just be fine and we'll also get what we want. thks luv.

Jinta said...

lighty, who's your daddy???

lol @ "then the goat picked himself up and did a marathon all the way to Nigeria". at least the goat had ambition nah

this your fun guy. better look at him as your f-buddy or whatever, if he's not ready, he's not ready. it'd be a disaster if he says he is ready just becos he wants to please you

Lighty said...

@soupasexy... datz the spirit darling. e go better. muahXX

@jinta... my daddy is my Father not any f buddy. never ever a f buddy. disgusting. lol!

ya know. u blame mi. how he just gonna put a long distance barrier on a woman like dat. at least he is doing well am sure much better than he would av done if he didnt pick himself up.

problem is i cant do f buddy ohh it just aint right to me. i'll rather he just find his way. the mistake he would make is entering into a relationship just to please that is the first step to heading into the rocks. dont u think???

Lighty said...

@soupasexy... datz the spirit darling. e go better. muahXX

@jinta... my daddy is my Father not any f buddy. never ever a f buddy. disgusting. lol!

ya know. u blame mi. how he just gonna put a long distance barrier on a woman like dat. at least he is doing well am sure much better than he would av done if he didnt pick himself up.

problem is i cant do f buddy ohh it just aint right to me. i'll rather he just find his way. the mistake he would make is entering into a relationship just to please that is the first step to heading into the rocks. dont u think???

The Last King Of Scotland said...

just truthfulness.you are you and always speak your mind. long distance is a real bitch. as for the'whos your daddy' some peeps like it and some dont

Jinta said...

you're absolutely right, you dont want someone saying things just to please

this f buddy business may work for some. its not as dry as it sounds, of course, the partner has to be pleasing and some fondness involved

you've been tagged. please see my latest post

Lighty said...

@lkos...awwww ive missed u. allow mi say dat again please. lol.
ok back 2 business, pure truthfulness i say coz if i dont speak my mind, some1 else would speak it 4 mi cant allow dat can we???

absolute bitch long distance i first, second and tenth dat.
ahhhhh ah r u a victim of who's ur daddy??? just asking. lol!

@jinta... u see this f buddy business brings misery in the end, datz my opinion tho. so am not even gonna go there.

and ohh ive been tag? i avnt done a tag in a while, u dont mind if i do it late tho do u??? but would mos def do it.
now let roll down to urz and see wot this is about.

Queen of My Castle said...

OH Lighty! I know the feeling babes. I don't understand how some people can 'like' more than one person at a time. I am, however, pleased to hear that your loneliness is not causing you to lower your standards. My girl!

OMG! I just realized today that I have been spelling your name wrong! Na wah o! I have been spelling it LightLy. LOL.

My bad.

Kisses!!!!!!!!!

Lerieluvlie said...

lol..im sorry i just had to laugh at "who's your daddy?" well, i'm sorry you are lonely, but you've gotta stick it out otherwise you'll end up in worthless relationships, i think you should try to date often day, your friends should hook you up with there trustworthy friends, afterall, your friends are more likely to understand you and hook you up with your type..if there's a type.I date a lot but have had very few relationships, i dont think you need to rush, get into fun activities, be very busy, you won't have time to BE LONELY....lol...there is nothing like meeting someone who you really bond with, who has a lot of the attributes you want in a man, he may not be perfet, just as you are not perfect, but when you meet him you'll definitely know.

Pink-satin said...

who is ur daddy!!utterly ,totally disgusting!

Lighty said...

@lerieluvlie... hello darling, how u doing mate? wot happened to my number???

i think i am more lonely now because am doing nothing but studying and writing projects. like u said dating is always an option and it makes sense. but sometimes u get tired of datin, like i am now. but i'll see how it goes.

@pink satin... most definitely. lol!

Lighty said...

@queen... i thot it was just ur thing 2 write lightly, i noticed ages ago. and dont worry u av a few others her guilty of the same crime. but i forgive y'all. lol.

the the last thing loneliness would cos mi to do is lower my standards. noooo. i refuse to. and i see u've replied all my questions calling mi lightly in the process. he he he. i'll be there to drop my 2 pence.

Aphrodite said...

I guess you kno wthe right thing dear is to just let him go but hell...its difficult when you REALLY like someone.

Be strong and move on. No point waiting and hoping cos things will most likely not change(I wish they would tho for your sake).

Nice blog. Thnx for dropping by mine.

bumight said...

babe you almost put me in trouble in class! came on your page, and your music was blasting!!! LOl!

Lighty said...

lolololol. sorry darling. bless bless.

Lighty said...

@ aphrodite... well i expect it'll be difficult. but i'll get over it.
was a pleasure. as would be the others.

Free-flowing Florida said...

i understand u, o jare. i've been dia b4. babes, believe me d pain u r willing 2 put urself 2ru is so not worth it. afterwards, u'd wonder 'wtf was wrong with me sef.'

u need 2 b loved & i mean thoroughly loved by a man 2 enjoy d relationship, else u'd b wondering if he'd b out of d door d next minute. den, u'd start doubting urself, 'am i not good enough' sort of tot. not worth it, girl. leave d bobo. leave am now & leave urself free 4 someone 2 fall 4 u

Lighty said...

@flo... well i guess so, and am ready now to let go. it makes sense.

and yeah! welcome to my blog.

Smaragd said...

who's ur daddy ko, who's ur mummy ni!*long hiss*...lol. the first time i heard that qstn, i practically flipped!

I totally feel u on guys, I think i put up a comment at Queen's about how i havent been in love in like 3years. sumtyms it's awful, sumtyms i just coast.

and i honestly cant stand the guys av been meeting of late! glad to know am not the only one babe.

u remind me of me in some ways.lol.

ur writing's fun to read.

Lighty said...

@smaradg... hiss r u minding all them unserious guys??? well i av gone back to my coastin self. sometimes i think it is even to much wahala with this relationship business sef.

ah ha there u av it, from today u become my blog twin. yeah! ive got a twin. yippee. wot u say???

Tyger said...

sometimes we want this person for the simple reason that they dont want us as much... i mean we do like them... but its their saying no that makes them become an obsession... at least i think so cos i've been there 2ce!.... its crazy shit babes... please walk away jare

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