ay ay ay.... just me talking or is it thinking.

...even i am scared to blog. not scared but boi! has it been a while. am here thinking how is this done again? do i just strip my thoughts into a readily blank page and show the world? or do i write like am talking to that mystic fellow in my brain? the one i often talk to sometimes out loud where friends think me crazy. then i thought nah... i'll write; not for writing itself's sake but because i have all these things to say.... although i have no idea where to start from or what topic to select in the folder of my brain...



Am in a new city... obviously we got that cleared... Am still single... yeah because relationships are strange now... scary piece of frigging sh*t. lol! nahhh thats harse. i mean with a suitable person its beautiful... ay ay...problem is who is suitable now ey? relationships around me are so scary and believe sex is the problem... no, not sex... free sex and greed. ones like; ure so greedy u want ur girl's best mate... or u think he's too perfect for ur girl u want a slice or that too, just share in the public cake uh? he he lol! or lets think of married men chasing skirts... check out a single lady thinking that married man loves her more than he does his wife... dream on sister.



that leaves me wondering, could it be a power thing? could it be that men think they have a sort of power over a woman when they have slept with her and in their quest to feel energised with the fluid of the power fuel they ran round in circle to see where the next woman to enslave in their ego cage lies... then i wonder maybe women have decided that Yes finally liberation since the discovery of the clit... ever since sex was no more boring... how sad it will be to be stuck with just this short stick man. why cant i have juliet's bloke he's got a big one and remember there is my clit. YAY! dat should be fun. lol! anyway am not even about to get into this whole riddle ringt now... i have been doing too many thinking and even complicating my own thoughts sef. i tell you ern... too much of everything dries up your body cells.





so... where was i? oh yeah i dont know what to write or where to start from i'll give you bits and pieces, lets make guys the topic.



guy 1: not my type, good looking, nice, down-2-earth, fun loving and professional skilled. why is he not my type again??? emmmm... cos he's not. so i play it down with him, although cos he's in love with me as he declared and has a huge heart, he's one of my closest friends. with this guys i could be 100% undiluted razz and not care. lol. he's lovely really. shame he's not my type.



guy 2: alright looking, professional skilled, my type but full of ego and self pride: i am so good at knowing when to stop that i hardly ever go wrong kind of attitude. its good sometimes but other times it leaves a sour taste that just puts him in the immature category. a lil' bit over the top if u know what a mean. now the problem with guy 2 is denial insecurities. apparently i work out to be a challenge that he cannot phantom, so he carries on with a blase attitude that makes him look like a headless chicken running round in circles. thats he's cup of tea not mine. story for another day.

guy 3: professionally skilled today there's this girl he is checking out. tomorrow he is fancing rugby players on tv. day after tomorrow he thinks all the cute guys at the mall are checking him out. ohh and he just remembered, he's ex has just broken up with him and he is broken hearted so now he is depressed. this is my take: fringing make up ur mind... are u gay, vain, broken hearted, all thats mentioned or just plain confused? but he is my friend so i accommodate him. and wait for it; he is making moves on mi. ayy ayyy. i beg ohh. comot road.


guy 4: professional skilled just like guy 1 and 2, good looking. could be my type except he is not. different religion and for religious reasons its bye bye mister man. sweet guy though determined to make me his girl. but ermmm thats a shame now isnt it. **sigh**.

so.... on the yadi note. i'll leave you guys here.
for the record: am alive hail hearty and living life to the full.


ignore any mistakes am at work....
by the way how is it that am posting on 22nd of april and its showing 1st of march. hmmmm dats interesting anyway i have amended it the little way i know.
love u guys
~pebbles~

...lets aim for the bigger piece

... the thing is everybody believes they deserve to be loved. when has love not been an issue for women? i am begining to wonder if the search for love is on the same scale for guys as it is for women. This whole thing is becoming so bogus to me. its like the guys are extremely confident that whenever they are ready, love will find its way and i must say, they often get ten times lucky. should women be as patient as men on their quest of the 'right' one? is that why we get done over time and time again? that we rush things and we are to eager for something to erupt while the guys are so chilled out?

the guys on the other hand would not settle for what they think less. in other words; they do not settle (at least not everytime, sometimes they fall short thought). its amazing that only a few men stay miserable in a relationship becuase once they get bored they find other means to keep them happy; be it chill with their boys, absord in football, books, video games, other making money means or simply go get down with some next woman.

on other hand, the women find themselves settling for less for one to many reason or the other and end up miserable as fcuk in their relationship and for shame of pretend happiness being reveled they remain in the shit hole.

is life unfair or do we dig our well of sadness with out own hands.

i think i am begining to think like a man, because it looks like they are getting the bigger piece of the cake and like oliver twist 'i want more'.

adios~

until my schedule permits me another post.

kisses.


before you start thinking i was done over by a guy, i wasnt. i was just thinking.

scribble/my apartment.

To be or not to be?

Early this morning I heard a knock on my door and decided to open up to see who it was. To my surprise it was the same girl who knocked yesterday, the one that said her house was on fire and she needed help except it wasn’t, she fooled me into her house and what I saw shook my heart. In her living room, right there on her couch was her boyfriend; naked with absolutely nothing on but yogurt smeared on his coo chi. I screamed from shock but Anita grabbed me from behind and they both took me to the bedroom and tied me to the bed.

She started, Anita started by taking off all of my clothes while Sawyer stood there watching, absolutely naked with nothing but the smeared yogurt on his coo chi. Afterwards she took my nipples in her mouth. And caressed it with her tongue, squeezed it tightly first then gently and soft. I had I black out and woke up two hours later on my bed and behold I had been dreaming.

So today Anita was there again, standing in front of me except this time I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming. she said there was a fire in her house and she needed help but I couldn’t move my lips, couldn’t say nothing, I just stood there staring and staring at her, more so I couldn’t move, it was li- it was like-like everything was still, even the air from my breath seized and I couldn’t blink. Anita repeated herself, there was a fire in her house and she needed help. I went with her to her house, and in her living room was her boyfriend lying on the couch with nothing on but their dog; Perry giving him head. I had another blackout and woke up five minutes ago relieved it was yet another dream. Oh! it has to be a dream.

~Fiction~

JUST A LITTLE WISER!!!

Its my birthday today. i just thought i'lld let you know. your kind thoughts, blessings and prayers are all welcome.


how am doing??? am just there. just another day like the rest of them but mos def a little wiser than yesterday.

how the last year went by? ill'd say i came out every tunnel shining illuminously. so i give thanks.

love you all.

i will update next week with a proper post.

~kisses~

update... oh my i just got flowers and chocolates sent upstairs from security. from this guy that wants me as his girlfriend. awww am blushing lol... awww bless. i feel really special now and ive got all my work mates wanting to know wot d deal is with this guy. he is not my boyfriend i say. and they reply well not yet. lol!!!

My keeping thus far!

so... one of my last real post talked about me getting a transfer and moving cities. I didnt get the 2bedmroom apartment i talked about and ended up bunking in my friend's place for some 3 gruesome weeks. i say gruesome because i felt so uncomfortable, my things were left unpacked in boxes and bags it wasnt it at all. i felt so choked and miserable.

...then we decided to save some money and get a place together, i agreed; good idea why not? we go view a newly built apartment still on the edge of completion and fell immediately in love with it. the show room was off the chain, it had 2 master bedrooms with 1 shower room/toilet and a bathroom/toilet. we decided as soon as it was completed 1 week from then, we were moving in instantly. agreed.
when we got to her house, she told to me that she would be taking the shower room/toilet because she hates bath tubs. fair enough for me since am a bathroom freak never minding she wasnt discussing it, she simply stated it. 2mins later i got a catelogue and started looking through bathroom decor only for her to tell me she's getting jealous and she doesnt think she wants the shower room no more. i laughed that off, how ridiculous???

this young lady decided to wake me up from sleep to tell me she needs to talk to me about the apartment we will soon be sharing. guys i was mighty ticked off cos i was so tired. she goes; 'ive been thinking about the idea of me taking the shower room and i dont think i like it very much. i know am not into taking baths but i quite enjoy the decor that comes with a bathroom'. ok not precisely but that was what she said. i asked her what she wanted she said it will be nice to share both. i tell her no problem can i go back to bed. she's like even if we dont share we can use either one and leave the second for guests. i said not problem was that all she said yes and i went back to bed.

we saw 2 showrooms, the 2bed and the 1bed. quite frankly, the 1bed was so nice and i had been dreaming of it ever since the day but i didnt want to be the horrible person to say; right! i want to live alone after agreeing to share a place.

and so... that night i said a prayer to God, that he should teach me what to do and show me a way out of getting a place with her.

at work the next day on my lunch break i get a text. saying she thinks moving together is not a good idea and she is not ready for the expenses and stress that comes with it.

... that was my ticket to freedom. i immediately sent her a text saying i understand and it is completely ok, ill just get the 1bed then. that was one of the happiest days of my life. i called the agent told him about my plans and immediate arranged to move in at the end of the week, the opening of the apartments.

when i got to my friend's house that day, i didnt want any frictions so i carried on as normal, she was uncomfortable i could tell but i kind of eased her tension by talking to her about what she wanted to do next. i didnt tell her i had arranged to move by the end of the week though. the day after she asked what i was doing for the weekend and i answered nothing. she then went ahead to say cos her boyfriend is coming so i'll have to arrange something. which means i should find my square root in the weekend. in an unfairliar city u guys. i thought that was most horrible.

you needed to see the reaction on her face when i told her i was moving out on the friday; absolutely PRICELESS!!!

I now live in my beautiful apartment. happy with life most joyous that the Lord had guided my footsteps and i tell u, life could not be sweeter.

problem now is because its newly built. the postcode is not yet recognised and i have no internet connection, no cable and no landfone. apart form that life is purrfect!!!

the apartement is fully furnished so there was not much i could do with decor except give it some touches here and there to make it mine own private space. plus it is so spacious its just beautiful. i go to work and all i can dream of is going back to my house just to be in it.
this is the summary of my life in the last 2months.

... so, tell me what u've been up to.

LETTER TO MY BELOVED + AM ALIVE

Am really sorry blog family, am too busy for words and i actually am squeezing this in for you guys just so my blog doesnt remain dead for longer than it already is.

YOU COME IN SWAGGERED UP LIKE YOU OWN MY TERRITORY

TELL YOU WHAT, I BET YOU DO.

IN YOUR FLASHING WHITE TEETH YOU BROADEN YOUR GRIN.

EYES SPARKLING LIKE LITTLE DROPS OF DIAMONDS ON OLD SOUTH AFRICAN ROCKS.
I TAKE IN YOUR SMILE,

YOUR AIR FEELS MY LUNGS AND SLIGHTLY ALMOST CAUSE IT TO EXPLODE

YOU ARE MY LOVE, MY BELOVED LOVE.

DID I EVER TELL YOU HOW BEAUTIFUL YOUR SPEECH ENGULFS THE SYLLABLES IN MY NAME?

HOW PERFECTLY YOUR MOUTH ROUNDS THE LETTERS MY NAME MAKE UP?

HOW TINGLY MY TUMMY GETS WHEN YOU NEAR ME?

I BET I DIDNT, NOW YOU KNOW.

DARLING BELOVE I WRITE YOU THIS LETTER OF GRATITUDE

TO THANK YOU FOR THE SPLENDID, HEART SHATTERING, BED BREAKING LOVE

MAKING SESSIONS WE INVOLVE IN.

THOSE ARE THE GREATEST.

HOW YOU BEND ME OVER WHILE SWEAT ROLL FROM THE BACK OF MY NECK TO MY SUPPLE BOTTOM.

YOU MY DEAR HAVE YOUR NAUGHTY WAYS.

NOW STOP SMILING, WE DONT WANT YOUR PERFECT FACE GETTNG WRINKLED OVER EXUBERANT EXPRESSION,

PICTURE ME SPANKING YOU HARD FOR THAT.

BELOVE YOU DO NOT HAVE THE KEYS TO MY HEART DO YOU?

BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO BE LOCKED AND I CANNOT FIND THE KEYS.

IF YOU DO, BRING IT ALONG WITH YOU

SO WE CAN FINALLY START A LIFE TOGETHER

I AM SICK OF LIVING IN MY HEAD WITH YOU

PLEASE SHOW YOUR FACE

BY THE COLOUR OF THE KEYS IN YOUR HANDS

I WILL KNOW IT IS YOU.

please ignore every mistake made too much hurry. kisses mi loves.

RANTING!!!

... and i thot the second half of new cars come out in september. as it is, new cars in the UK come out twice a year. March and Sept. One will think i should be very busy now, with bmw, mercedes and other car freaks buying brand new cars and disturbing my peace at work during feb and august but am bored senseless here. i miss my customers, sad as that might sound, i really do. some of them are so much fun. one of them begged to add him on FB just yesterday. at first i took the email down, then i thought nahh forget it.

blogville!!! am yarning. ok the olympics, who's following??? china as at yesterday has 25 gold medals? thatz insane. its only been a week mates!

so my transfer has been sorted fully, and come 1st of sept i'll be in a new city, earning bigger money, enhancing myself with better benefits and taking home mega bonus. life is great. i wonder what the future of the newcity holds. maybe i'll finally leave the single life. you never know. i just might discover that the city is where i belong or it may turn out terrible. maybe i'll hate the whole place but i doubt i will.

i cant wait to get into my new flat. fully furnished, new apartment, two bedrooms, in the heart of the city. decorating is my talent. by the time i finish with my place, they will name the whole building LIGHTY. this is excitement speaking i tell you.

let me see what else is going on in my life...

oh! so am going to watch batman again today for the third time. i know right??? i must be a freak but this time am watching it on 3D. I cannot wait for those effects on 3D especially the car fight part, that would be MEGA!!!

anyways my darling, its time to go home. so imma holla later.

afro darling, i know i avnt come thru but i will, i promise.

i was speaking to one of my customers the other day and she insisted i watch her son on TV today or was it yesterday. i cannot rememeber now but she told me about a month ago, even if am one day off at least i still manage to remember shea? i call that customer relation. apparently her son is supposed to be the strongest man in the whole of the midlands in England and BBC is supposed to air an interview or is it a show show-casing his strenght which may enable him to feature in the world record.

i just checked my diary it was yesterday the 15th oh well. am sure they'll show a re-run or i could just watch BBC Iplayer for the re-run.

abeg i dey go house. not before i get myself two pairs of shoes from the stores though. am off to bask in my excitment, if that makes sense.

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee muahXXX.

Life of a snail...

Warning! This piece was inspired by …yesterday has gone and sort of a sub story. The piece reflects the life of the snail Celestina had desperately wished for. To really appreciate this, I encourage you to take the time out to visit the story because this piece is basically taken out and expanded.

…

Its hard back refused to absorb the tiny drops of rain

Observed it slowly makes its way from stones to trees

Heavily it breaths, chest on ground, shoulders chipped

The burden has become unbearable

The cold second nature

Even the leaves that so often gave a refuge now become prison

Underneath these supposed leaves of shield lies its death

For unknown forces could settle upon it

Crushing every substantial evidence of its existence

Numerous times this had happened

Just has its sister’s babies were stomped, bulldozing even her in her failed attempt to save their very lives

Slowly, selfless and feeble it makes its way

Towards the rotten wood its place of rest

Relieved that yet another day had gone past sparing its life

Thinking of what tomorrow will entail

Peace and happiness flowing through its mind

But abruptly cut short

As one of the unknown forces stepped on it, crushing everything that made it

And without noticing marched along, hands in pocket, whistling a melody.
…

Note: it so happens we wish to have other people’s life instead of focusing on how to fix our problems, a way of settling for the easy way out I guess. We automatically assume no one else apart from us suffer or have problems and so nurture thoughts wishing for their lives. Unfortunately everyone has one or two issues that trouble them. In this piece I compare the human life to a snail’s life to fully show that not only humans but every living creature has a problem of its own.

FoolyWang

My Ex is a poof! And I am not just saying that because I want to hate him or because I want to curse him out because he is now my Ex but seriously, my Ex is a poof!!! The greatest one that is and ever will be.

He sent me a text the other day saying:
Yesterday was the lowest point in my life, I don’t know what is wrong with me, my brother and my ex suggested therapy, ive made contact today and should be starting on Wednesday, I’m sorry if I took that out on u but I was out of my mind, I felt suicidal and it disgust me. Again I apologise.

My translation:
Yesterday I was with my girlfriend, she gets insecure when I am on the phone with you, she suggested I cut off all connections with you. I had to cut off the phone when you called on Sunday, I’m sorry I had to send you that text telling you to lose my number, but there was no escape for me. I feel ashamed doing this, but right now, lying is my only way out. Please forgive me.

Y’all know the very funny thing? I was peacefully chatting to friends on yahoo chat when this clown, no, poof decided to send me a message asking where I was going to be for the weekend. I ask him why and apparently his niece goes to uni in the city I live and he was coming over to pick her to his house.

I told him I was busy and not sure if I would be visiting my folks. Anyway somehow he barricaded me into agreeing to see him on Sunday when he comes. I say whatever; to be honest I do not believe anything that comes out of his mouth. For all you know, that entire story was fabricated just to give him a reason to come round mine. I have not seen him for two years, not since we broke it off and was not looking forward to.

Anyway me knowing the liar he is now, I waited till like 9pm on Sunday to call him just to rob in that I knew all that was bull crap. This guy picks up the phone and starts talking like he had a padlock to his mouth. Ignoring all that I ask how come he didn’t come to pick his niece, he gives me a story about her being with his brother, after which the phone mysteriously went off. I call him back, voicemail. I just laughed because knowing the kind of person my Ex is, I knew what was happening so I was not surprised when 30mins after I got this text:

No offence but lose my number
I first laughed and thought this guy has to be on crack

I send a reply saying:
Its either u are chasing ur shadow or it is running after u
Whatever it is you are chained; you, your shadow and you web of lies
That is what is hunting you not me
Your #? Lost
It does me no good
Adieus.

This guy replies saying thanks

I send him another text saying he should thank himself, and that he needs to lie in any well he dug. Also telling him to bounce off my phone.

Am not even joking but I know this guy was definitely trying to prove to some girl that he is too hot and I am bugging him, telling him I love him too much to leave him.

This particular Ex of mine has drama, and seriously, this guy would lie that his mother is about to be beheaded just because. I can’t even go into details with him; if I do I swear you guys would tell me you have never come across anybody of his kind.

I called my friend and give her the gist, she laughed and couldn’t stop laughing, we are use to him and we all swore he was going to call back the next day.
Lo and behold he did with a different number. (he knew I was not going to pick my phone).
Anyways he goes Lighty are you home? Are you home alone? I need to talk to you; can I come see you please?

About coming to see me. Hiss* Why the hell do you wanna come see me for??? Look, a series of text messages was exchanged yesterday what do you wanna come see me for???

Note. This is someone I refused to see for two years ohh, I have not seen him for that long and all of a sudden he wants to know if I am home alone? Oh hell no! Who knows if he wants to come beat me up, abeg I fear first sha.

Anyway he goes I can’t really explain on the phone, I will send you a text, think about it and please call me after, I really need to see you.

Lol! That is the text he sent, the one at the start of the post.

I read it and put my phone back on the table hiss* Drama King. And by the way, the reason he is still lying, is because he claims he doesn’t have a girlfriend and still wants me back. What kind of foolishness. Hiss* again.

…….

On more random matters, I went to the movies with a friend; this guy has the loudest most annoying laugh. I mean he literarily laughs like Santa clause, as in: ho ho ho. Plus he laughs at everything not funny. Apparently he gets it and we don’t, in his own words. I was so pissed off ay. He was lucky I’d seen the movie before that day. Some 2hrs 30mins of bat man and the ho(ing) Santa clause. Phsew…

…moving on, how are you lovies doing??? Am goooooooooooood.

...Yesterday has Gone

Celestina sat on her front porch watching the rain, first it was pouring down then it starting to drop subtly that if you looked up to the skies it made like little drops of pearls all glittering to the glory of the beautiful afternoon.

Peace of mind was the only thing she lacked at this moment even the rain had failed to console her wounded heart. Being very artistic and interested in life, rain coming down had been a sign that all might go well today has opposed to the last twenty one days.

Normally she was one to object to the fact that even the worse of life’s turmoil could not be viewed positively, for her there was a light even in the darkest of life’s tunnels that would always lead you out. However Celestina sat on her porch today watching a pearl drop from heaven land on a leaf from the mango tree and then drop unto a snail that was happily carrying on with its day duties. The snail did not twitch and if it noticed a drop just landed on it, it paid no attention but carried about its business. Celestina suddenly wished she was that snail, she wished she could take no notice of everything going on but it was too hard to carry on like nothing was happening. The memories of it all flowed in her brain non- stop passing through every nock and cranny of it. She could have almost sworn that she constantly heard her terminated baby cry her name. It was easy for the doctor to try convincing her that it was only a foetus but Celestina knew it wasn’t just a foetus, it was her child.
She loved her husband and she had never felt guiltier killing his child but not to do so would have been the crime she committed, at the rate at which things are going, she has to save all her unborn from him. Either she keeps killing them or leave him alone which is out of the solution.

Her mind drifted to when she was seven in almost the same scenario, only then she was sitting on the porch of her father’s mansion on the lap of her mother watching the rain fall down. Her mother was talking to her, one of the tete a tete they shared once in awhile. She told her of how lucky she was to have Christ in her life, how glorious her future would be, and how brightly the sun shone upon her face making her so noticeable. She had prayed for Celestina, and told her that her blessings would be full and she would have a happy home with a good God fearing husband in the future. Celestina had sucked it all in muttering her Amen that was now defaulted to her lips whenever she heard words of prayer, saying it before even realising it had been said. A few days after that, Celestina’s mother; Agnes, died.

Celestina had married, she had achieved much more than she prayed for and better still, she had married one of the most gorgeous well to do men in the society. Ten years into her marriage she had discovered she was living with two people in the body of one but fear of the truth kept her in this miserable situation. Celestina watched her husband thinking he was un-noticed, sneak into their seven year old daughter’s room every now and then to have sexual intercourse with her, but she had said nothing to date. When her second daughter was seven Celestina could swear he started doing the same to her.

She has never brought herself bold enough to confront him partly because he was perfect in every other way during the day. So she stuck to her self-denial that a man so perfect, so God fearing and peaceful would never do such to his own children. Her heart burned for her girls but she was too into portraying the perfect family to save her own children. That was why twenty one days ago, Celestina walked into doctor Martin’s office for her scheduled termination, and this would become her first solution to resolving her agony. As it is, she already has three children and that would do. Lucky enough for her, the third child is a boy and she knows her husband hasn’t been going into his room. She promised herself that she would rather not bring any more children to the world than make more suffer in the hands of her husband.

The rain had stopped now and the earth smelt so beautifully of fresh rain, Celestina looked at her watch, it was only three o’clock and the driver would soon be back with the children from their different schools, a few more hours and her beloved husband would return too from work. She wiped dry her wet cheeks with the hem of her wrapper and retreated into the house to see if Kofo her maid had finished with lunch.

Looking around her on the wall inside the house, her thirteen year old daughter Anna’s portrait hung with a full bright smile that would light up any room, next to it was nine year old Nneka, light skinned with gap teeth and would have been extremely beautiful but for the huge forehead mounted upon her head. Nevertheless she could be regarded as perfection by any artist with a wild imagination. Junior at six was carbon copy of his father, it was already obvious that he would be tall and would well be the ladies dream in a few years to come was plastered with a goofy smile on his face, his portrait was next to Nneka’s. Celestina looked at her children, her joy and happiness and thought how their lives would have been perfect, how the story in her heart would have been different, how her smile in public would have been genuine not fallacious. She sighed and made her way into the kitchen her huge buttocks following closely behind her.