MY Addiction

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

When a good girl goes bad. It might be for a season not forever.

I wasn’t lonely, nor heartbroken, nor insecure. I was angry, very annoyed and even though I don’t believe cheating was the way forward it in some way calmed me down.
I know what you all thinking, how could cheating calm me down? It subdued my anger in some very funny way. But you know what they say right? Once you cheat with some person you end up finding yourself in the same position with that person.

Yes I had a boyfriend, yes I loved him pieces, yes I was very able to separate my cheating life from my loved up relationship, and yes I find it weird myself.
Yes he was in a relationship, yes he knew I was in one too, yes we shared each other’s relationship problems, yes we were mighty good friends, yes his girlfriend knew me; in actual fact she grew to love me even though she met me through her boyfriend.

Of course I felt guilty, guilty with the fact this girl trusted me, and angry with the guy for cheating on someone you say you love so much.
I asked him constantly why he was cheating, and he had no valuable response, only that he was some what attracted to me. I asked him if he was aware I didn’t see him in that light; if he knew I would not leave my boyfriend to be with him, if he knew that even if he decided to leave his girlfriend it wouldn’t be to start a relationship with me.

He went crazy, I asked him why he was so crazy, he told me I cut him deep, he told me he just couldn’t believe I had no feelings for him on that level. I told him it might sound harsh but I didn’t. I told him I see him as a brother, but with the occasional filling up when necessary. He told me I was talking crazy, I told him I really didn’t care if I was. It was what it was.

I hung out with his girl whenever she was in town, we went shopping together, theatres, cinemas and occasional eat ins’. He introduced me as his kid sister; I shook my head and called him a bastard in my mind. I hated him for doing this to her. I felt disgusted for betraying her so.

My boyfriend was acting dumb, working all the time, snapping every now and then constantly, constantly got jealous whenever I told him I was with friends. He would go into a rage and feel sorry all at once and blamed it on the hard work and how he had no life but I was enjoying mine. Well that aint my fault is it? I sincerely believed he sensed I was cheating, knew something was going on but just could not put his finger on it. Why? I constantly answered his calls, I showed nothing but love because I genuily loved him anyway. If he called me 18 times a day, I pick up 18 times a day regardless. The other guy was jealous, I couldn’t understand why. I mean that wasn’t the plan, well there was no plan.

I met guy through a friend, he just moved into my town for educational purposes, I thought him attractive, it was in his house. My friend said she was going visiting a friend and said to tag along. There were his other friends too, we had a steamy conversation about relationships, they thought me clever, I was youngest in the group and they wouldn’t believe my age. We all became friends, with all of them but him, I was closer too. We started visiting each other, we laughed togehter, we listened to music together, we had the same taste in music, he was witty, he was handsome but I didn’t see me with him though. He wasn’t for me at all.

I had not spoken to my boyfriend for 2days he calls me and starts with a non-chalant attitude, and his constant nagging and beating around the bush kind of ish. Guy invited me to his place for sleep over, guy has been asking me for this in the last week but I turned him down. Why did I do that? He slept at mine? Just the other day guy and I were having a sleep over at mine when I had one steamy argument with my boyfriend, it ended with me crying into guy’s cuddle and we slept off. So on this day guy asked for me to have a sleep over at his I couldn’t turn it down, I thought that’s what friendship’s for, I had to return the now regular sleep overs guy bestowed on me.

I was in guys’ house, we watched a movie, we ordered Chinese, we dimmed the lights, there was soft music playing, I turned my back, I was horny, I was mad cos I was horny, I was mad at my boyfriend cos if not for his stupid acts I would not have run into guy’s arms, I was mad cos I needed guy to touch me so bad and angry because I felt that way. Guy touched me, and waited, I did not resist. First it were my thighs, then my tummy, then my left breast, then tightens my left nipples in between his fingers, I liked it and that was all it took.

So guy and I started this, but we never talked about it, it was great, I loved to tease, he liked the chase, so it was mad, he would chase for thirty minutes sometimes before I would eventually give in, I knew I was gonna give in, I loved it when he begged for it, but I loved my boyfriend more and I blamed him for this.

So now guy wanted feelings attached, that I couldn’t do, I didn’t even bother trying, I wanted it to go no where, I wanted my boyfriend to come to his senses, I never talked about me and guy, except to my best friend, I told myself I wasn't doing anything with guy, I convinced myself nothing ever happened, I believed it, I guess that was how I managed to pull it off. It was getting too crazy for me, the sex was hot like fire, more like fireworks, no more like volcano eruptions.

Guy seemed like he was genuinely falling for me, he loved to take pictures of me, he was obsessed with me, his girlfriend got angry with him one day, and told him to delete all my pictures off his laptop, her reason; he had more pictures of me than her, I guess that’s a good enough reason. I stopped answering guys calls, I stopped seeing guy, I was more concerned with her than him, I didn’t want to hurt her, cos I know how it’ll be if someone tried to take my man from me, more so, I didn’t even want her man.

Guy went crazy, I ignored him, He came knocking on my door, I didn’t open, he came another time at 2.30am to knock on my door, still I ignored him, I wasn’t going to have anything to do with him. Then my boyfriend started cheating, female intuition, so I let guy back into my world just for payback. Was on it with guy when I confronted my boyfriend, I was with guy when I got my boyfriend to confess, still was with guy when I left my boyfriend, in fact I was with guy until guy left town. Then I deleted every contact I had with guy. I wished guy a happy life.

I chatted with guy the other day he told me to send my pictures; I said no. He asked if I’ve changed my number; I said yes. He asked if he could have my new number; I said no. I asked him when he was to get married; he didn’t respond. He said he hated it when I talked about that part of his life; I said well it is your life what you gonna do? He said if I would take him he would break up his relationship; I said I wouldn’t. He asked if I hated him that much; I said I didn’t hate him and I had to go. Msn; logged off 2:35am 06.04.06. I am never cheating again.