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Tuesday, 16 October 2007

Serious thoughts of a mature mind

Lovely people, I am glad to tell you all that since my broke weekend, my life has bounced back to normal except I am still single, and true to say, I don’t know how I feel about it at this point. Thing is I actually think I have a problem, I am not sure what it is though so I’ll rely on you lot to help me out.

I’ve been single for 1year and 3months, and I still can’t be bothered getting into a relationship. I find myself pushing guys away intentionally, for no reason. Cool able guys for that matter too.

On my phone you’ll see random names like ‘don’t pick’, ‘disturber’ etc. could it be that I am scared of getting into a relationship? I don’t want to believe my last relationship is having an effect on me because I believe I am a strong woman, but psychology is a b**ch and it just might be the reason.

I believe I was everything a man would want in his woman, I was down with pleasing, motivating , advising, playing, cooking, looking fly on his arms and he cheated, in a cold way too. Can somebody tell me why men cheat? Because up to date he is asking to get back with me even though the mofo stayed with this girl for 4months after we broke up plus his mother still calls me.

Anyway, that is by the way. I have been talking to this guy for a while now, but every time anything relating to relationship between us comes up, I shut it down. I really am feeling him though and he is not hiding the fact he wants to WIFE me. Lol! we flow really well, my kind of guy.

So why haven’t I accepted to be his girlfriend after 6weeks? I don’t know, and to be honest, I don’t think I would for the next 4weeks either. Here is where my problem sets in, even though I like him, it doesn’t seem to bother me if after two more weeks of these, he decides to move on because he is not getting anywhere with me, of which I really doubt but then I cant be too sure of myself, it just might be. Hey! It doesn’t seem to matter though. I don’t know if I want a boyfriend.

I would like for us to be together, only if I had more time, then again how much more time do I want? I have shut myself from everything that represents a relationship, I don’t miss cuddling, kissing etc, it doesn’t even touch me to see couples fooling around, I just can’t be bothered. My heart has been closed and I really don’t know when it’ll open up again. I believe it wouldn’t be fair to enter into a relationship with a closed heart. To be honest I could do with another year of being single, I have learned a lot, grown spiritually and mentally too. It’s like my life took a boom in every aspect and I am grateful to God.

Why my heart has refused to open beats me, because when it comes to the list below, he foot’s the bill

Cute
Good Rapport
Religious
Level of intellect
Dress sense
Style
Attentive to my needs.

I don’t make up list but these are some of the many things I like about him and now because I know we could be starting something beautiful, I look for every excuse not to go places with him, meet up or go for a meal. I am always busy, tight schedule, dissertation stress, work, etc. I am afraid of starting anything because in any relationship; I am extremely committed, very loyal, giving, loving etc and all these just might be kicked to the kerb again or am I just enjoying being single and making excuses? I am not getting any younger, in fact in less than 2months, I will be a year older. What if this is the only chance i get of a good man and end up missing it because of my blasé attitude?

Blogville, I need your help on this one, I don’t think I can go through this alone. I need strong words of advice, honest and open minded. Don’t worry I am strong enough to take any shots you might want to shoot at me. Let’s hear it from you guys, bring it on.

In between your words of advice, make your way to my talent blog: http://lightystalent.blogspot.com/

26 finger tappings:

Zephi said...

arrggg I hate those word verification things

anyways

I am first

On the topic, me thinks you have not fully healed, still holding on to the hurt and dissapointment of yesterday and blocking the futures blessing...In this state, I suggest you dont involve yourself in a relationship because HR might end up suffering for what the other guys did.
about the cheating, everyone cheats.
Being single is not a bad thing....
iono though this current prospects sounds very promising

Ugo Daniels said...

Give it a shot, babes, i say give it a shot, unless you want me to come over and take over,lol!!

Afrobabe said...

I say let go,let feelings take control....women were made to be loved and if he fulfils even 55% of your list then give him a chance..I mean he has stayed for 6 weeks/months without any hope so he just might stay for life.

~Mimi~ said...

babe no let feelings take control oh...lol... use ur head AND ur heart..

abeg.. NO MORE DRAMA! or else i will personally kick him out. lol

and he has to fulfil 80% of ur list at least, 55% ke?

Queen of My Castle said...

Have been where you are, but I was married and he, too stayed with the other chick for about 4 months before ditching her.

But in the meantime I met a very charming Nigerian man that seemed to had fallen in love with me in less than 2 days. I was torn. The Naija guy and I decided to just take it slow, I healed more and more from the last relationship and finally allowed myself to open up to the new guy...but VERY slowly because unreciprocated love is a
b!tch.

My advice to you is to just take it slowly, don't totally write him(the new guy)off. God never asks you to give up something that he has no intention of replacing. Above all else dear...pray and seek the will of The Most High.

*Hug*

The Last King Of Scotland said...

i like this post and love ur blog.im a fan

30+ said...

@Lighty,

Take your time
Don't stand from the point that you have to be in a relationship.

Deal with the Fear.
How?
Have a quiet time - Sit and write down what you are afraid of think about it pray about it.

Then just go for it.

@Ugo, for now, she is off limit from you.

If anything, you have to go by me.

Isi said...

lighty dearie, how nah?
ok seriously, i think u need to enjoy this feeling of not-wanting-a-man because it is a rare feeling and u may never feel this way again. it's ok to be single for a while. find other interests, indulge in other stuff. let the brother remain a friend (sincerely i don't understand why stuff like that don't happen anymore where people of the opposite sex can just be FRIENDS).
when u are ready, ur heart will tell u. for now, don't force it. live and relish the moment.

Labelle said...

sweetheart, one sentence for you: Let go and live!

Lighty said...

@ZEPHI...UMM THINKING I HAVE NOT FULLY HEALED? ERMM, I KIND OF DOUBT THAT, I DON'T BELIEVE AM STILL HUNG UP ON THAT. BUT TRUE, BEING SINGLE IS NOT BAD @ ALL

@UGO... LOL! SO U REALLY THINK I SHOULD GIVE IT A SHOT? WULD PONDER ON THAT. IN BWT, U AV TO GO BY 30+ ON THE OTHER NOTE. LOL!

@AFROBABE...THAT WULD BE GOOD TO DO, I FEEL U ON THE 55%, GOOD MEN ARE HARD TO FIND THESE DAYS.

@MIMI... BABES, LIFE'S HAPPENINGS HAVE MADE WOMEN APRRECIATE THE LITTLE THEY CAN GET. 80% THESE DAYS WOULD PROBABLY MEAN I WOULD WAIT TILL 45 B4 I FINALLY GET MARRIED. BUT YET AGAIN SIS, I SEE WHERE U ARE COMING FROM.

@QUEEN OF MY CASTLE... SO IT'S THE NAIJA GUY U WROTE ABOUT, YES? NO?
I PLAN TO TAKE IT SLOW. MAY GOD'S WILL BE DONE.

@TLKOS... SO WHAT DO U RECON I DO?

@30+... MAYBE THATS WHAT'S BEEN DOIN MI, STANDING FROM THE POINT OF THINKING I AM DUE FOR ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP.
LIKE U SAID, I WILL PUT IT INTO WRITING AND PRAYER IS THE ANSWER KEY. MAKE SURE U'RE PUTTING MI IN UR PRAYERS BIG SIS.

@ISI... I DEY OHH,
TO BE HONEST, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL FEELING, AND I MEAN TO REALISH THE MOMENT.

@LABELLE.... THE WHOLE PALN IS TO LIVE AND BE HAPPY LIVING.

U GUYS... U'RE JUST TO SWEET, I REALLY APPRECIATE U GOING THROUGH THIS DEEP THOUGHTS WITH ME. IT IS REALLY HELPING THINGS.

RIGHT, WHO ELSE HAS SUMTHING TO SAY?????

cally-waffybabe said...

LOL at dont pick and disturber. Girl, you're funny.
You're prolly feeling this way cos of the hurt you've been through. We've all been there, so i feel ya babe.
However, i think you should give him another chance. I don't condone cheating at all, but everyone makes mistakes. Life is a risk in itself, so go for it girl. You won't know if you don't try.
Good luck girl.

BTW, really loving this song. It's so relaxing.

Queen of My Castle said...

Yes, it's the Naija guy I wrote about, but it's an old piece.

On another note, am with Cally, I'm digging this song, heck I LOVE Raheem DeVaughn. Have you heard his one called Prototype?

Number4 said...

You know you haven't got the advice you need if you haven't heard from me. Here goes.

I know its not easy but please you have to let the past go. Your tactics : think about it as being his loss, be thankful that you found out what he was like before you made a big mistake like marrying him and best of all, you're hot and you deserve better.

The thing about it is that if you don't let go, you will never be truly happy in any other relationship. If you find someone who truly cares about you, don't mess things up by starting a relationship with baggage. guess what? that baggage can make the new guy cheat sooo.... don't make a cycle of these things.

And remember I am not saying start dating this new guy. However,right now you think you are 100% lighty but you're not there yet. Get to 100% YOU and then watch how someone new and exciting will unexpectedly creep into your life and take you to the 150% feeling. That someone might just be this new guy.

Jezi Brown said...

i say go for it
life is short my dear
it might be over before you know it
Live ! while you have the chance.

Lighty said...

@CALLY-WAFFYBABE...CHIC, I AV REPLIED MOST UR OTHER COMMENT ON MY TALENT BLOG. U'RE SOMETHING. PLUS I SENT AN EMAIL. U GOT DAT YET?
ON THE ISSUE AT HAND, I FEEL U. I'LL HAVE TO TRY TO KNOW. FOOD4THOT.

@QOMC... SO I GUESS RIGHT, COOOL. AND HOPEFULLY U GUYS ARE STILL STAYING STRONG.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING I SHARE SAME TASTE IN MUSIC WITH U GUYS. AM SO INTO SOUL AND NEO-SOUL IN BWT AM SEEING JILL SCOTT ON THE 18TH OF NOV, BEEN COUNTING MY FINGERS, I CANNOT WAIT.

@NUMBER4... MY VERY OWN. I 4 SAY IF I NO SEE U 4 HERE.
AND TO THINK I WAS GONNA MARRY THAT BOI SEF, THANK GOD FOR REVELATIONS.

THE WHOLE PLAN IS TO AVOID CARRYING EXCESS LUGGAGE INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP, BUT I STILL DON'T BELIEVE I AM HUNG UP ON MY PREVIOUS ONE THOU, IT'S JUST THAT...

TO BE HONEST HE'S BEEN CREEPING REAL FAST TOO. U JUST NEVER KNOW, JUST MIGHT BE HIM AFTERALL.

@JEZI BROWN... MY DEAR, IT COULD REALLY BE OVER TRUELY, I JUST MIGHT DO THAT.

exschoolnerd said...

Follow ur heart...

i know hw i hate that when people tell me.

but that's really what u need to do.

The Beads Factor said...

Hello!
I just want to introduce my blog to you.
I do hope you would drop by,
Thanx!

The Last King Of Scotland said...

its difficult to be honest...u need to make up ur mind, talk to God. i know why u r cautious..u dont wanna be hurt, but one has to take risks sometimes. go for friendship at least....that way u have a get out of jail free card!

Lighty said...

@XSN...what if my heart leads me to the pit, wot do i do then? i prefer to follow my head than heart u know? lol! all the same darling. what ever will be will be. thx sweetie.

@TBF... let me go check it out.

@TLKOS... i really dont want to be hurt, honest. and like u put it, which i totally love; 'friendship is a get out of jail card', perfect. thatz why am still putting him in the friendship zone. until i know exactly if i want it or not.

diary of a G said...

good people are sometimes hard to comme by soooo....

Isi said...

update!!!

Sparkle said...

Guess I'm too late to give my comment...'cos d bloggers said it all

Lighty said...

@ DoG... i knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

@isi... madam i hear

@sparkle......... never too late.

zerkhezi said...

hi, I see where you r coming from. Heartbreak is not funny at all, it could even be life altering (potentially). thing is you have to take that leap sooner or later. Its one of tose things you can't hide from. Unless you want to go explain to your parents why ypu've decided not to have a life partner. If i were u, the prospect of the laying of hands and kneeling in a cirlce surrounded by relatives while they speak in tongues and spit on your head, is enuf to make me give it a go. Follow your heart, I hope he makes you as happy as you deserve to be.

Lighty said...

@Zerkhezi... lololololol. i always knew u were crazy, wot imagination. lol. thx sweetie. i really deserve good happiness.

cally-waffybabe said...

LMFAO at zerkhezi!!! Dude you are TOO FUNNY!!! LOL!!!