6 unspectacular quirks

Well in my last post I said I was going to write from the rollercoaster of an alleged player, blame JINTA for this cause he decided to tag me. Just when I thought finally I’ve escaped tagging Jinta appeared and played a fast one.

Regular visitors am sure u must have thought u came the wrong way when u appeared on my blog, different template and totally different kind of song playing and the whole dark angel and naked lady silhouette. I really cannot explain it too. I know that lollipop song is one that caught me off guard. I never ever, ever, listen to lil’wayne. I have no idea about any of his other songs but my friend was complaining of how her housemate is using the lollipop song to taunt her and why she doesn’t know what the hype about lollipop is. She came to me the next day and was singing lollipop. Am thinking ok wot happened to lollipop taunting you? She went further to say ‘that song is catchy menh’ am like if you say so. I went home got the song on my phone, listened to it once, said ok, listened to it the second time and I think the beat got to me. It was on repeat all through yesterday. There you have it. To listen to my regulars, just skip it if you’re not a fan. Better still put ur respective PCs on mute.
Right! Let’s get to this

The rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you - Jinta
2. Mention the rules in your blog – here they are. Yeahhhh this one. Arhh wot u r like????
3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours – six, not more. Let me think, do I have up to six??? We’ll see about that.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them – would do, hopefully they have not been tagged yet.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged – ok ok, can I breathe now? Gosh!

1. Unspectacular quirk…. I see all my results in my dream. In full detail too. Whether good or bad. This often happens 2weeks before exam or before results.

2. Be sure I would have a crush on you if I ever find out you have a crush on me even if I have never noticed you before. Guaranteed I’ll start seeing you in a different light. But please don’t make the mistake of taking the crush further because the moment you come up to admit it face-to-face. The crush in me dies. Aint that weird???

3. I cannot sleep at night without having a cup of tea or at least a hot drink, if I don’t I better have a huge jug of water by my bed side; because I am sure to cough throughout the night. Literally cough through the night. Arrghh! Sometimes it really is frustrating, honest.

4. I cannot keep a malice; not because I am a good person or I am nice or anything, cause honestly I am not that nice believe me. I don’t keep malice because; wait for it; I am too proud to keep a malice. I’ll explain myself; I don’t think anyone is worth my time enough to keep me angry. I know, I know, that is really horrible of me to say but it is true. That's exactly how I feel. Am sorry, really, I am.

5. I have a tasteless habit of not keeping in contact with family. I haven’t spoken to 2 of my brothers in like 3weeks, I know you may think 3weeks is not that bad, but they call me almost everyday, not exaggerating. I miss the calls, cause I am either sleeping, or at work, or in the bathroom. And I haven’t picked up my phone to even ring back to say I saw your missed calls. I have had the intention to get a phone card since last week but the hours I live now are weird. I get to sleep at 7am in the morning cos all night I am doing school work or my final project.

6. I often think about myself in the future with my grandchildren, not my children, never my children, always my grandchildren. I don’t know why, I don’t even know who sits down to fantasize about their kids, let alone their grandkids. Boy! I amaze myself sometimes.

And there you have it, I'll be back since I seem to be on blogville so much these days, wonder why.

I tag jaja, atutupoyoyo, bumight, la reine, jaycee, and pink-satin


Don't know wot happened to my lollipop song but here's the video, u can knock urselves out.

Stuck in middle of my crossroad.

Don’t y’all find the word who’s your daddy during sex utterly disturbing? Isn’t it the sickest ish you ever heard in your life? For starters why would I want to have sex with my daddy, second why should I picture my daddy having sex with me when u are pulling my hair in hot xtacy??? All I can say is y’all have a nasty nasty mind. Lol! (for the randomness).

Sure u’re wondering what came about this mind, I miss love. Damn! I haven’t been in love for what seem like 2years now. HELP!!!!! Am frigging lonely. I never thought ill ever say this, but there you have it, I am shouting it, LIGHTY IS FRIGGING LONELY.

I can’t be bothered to start a relationship with the people asking. They are not my cup of tea, and even loneliness would not claim the better part of me. Can u imagine I almost entered into a long distance relationship because of loneliness? I am talking Nigeria- England kind of relationship. Nahhh menh! Ern ern.

I know you would conveniently say it is not about the distance but the person. Yeah yeah yeah wotever. It is so about the distance, mehn I can’t. Am sorry.

The guy in question is good looking though, got his own business and all and oh so dresses to impress. But along with all this comes his arrogance. That I know am fly and I know you know kind of arrogance. That is one absolute turnoff mehn. I can’t deal with that. But to be fair he’s been on my case for what seem like 4years now though. He was in my Uni before he finished and transported himself to naija to settle into family business. Obviously when he was on my case I had a boyfriend and didn’t even give him the time of day, with his fly self and huge arrogance lol! After I broke it off with my ex. His plea was very much intense and I actually considered a relationship with him then the goat picked himself up and did a marathon all the way to Nigeria. Now he’s back to hunt me again. This time he wants me and long distance. That is 2marks down for the guy. Arrogance and distance.
On the other hand Lighty is in like with someone else. Someone that I don’t think is in like with me though. Now isn’t that a damn shame??? Argh! Life is so funny.

This person I talk to a lot of the time, almost everyday and have shared a few ‘fun’ times with too. Only for him to turn around to say am his good friend. F good friends. The funny thing is in as much as I have a lot of pride and ego. I just can’t get this person off my head. Note; he just might be reading this and I really don’t give a F if he is. I believe my blog is made for my mind and even He wouldn’t stop me from saying exactly what I want.

As I was saying, I really like this person that may be reading this post but does not like me in the way I want, I can’t stop myself from liking him still. Even though I have never told him this, I expect he knows I do.

Damn! I need to fall in love, and I think he is holding me back because 1) I cant like 2 people at the same time, I have a problem doing that and ever since I started rolling round this guy i have refused to like any1 else. 2) I have missed out on 2 of what I presume would have been good relationships.

I am beginning to think maybe I really don’t like him that much, and maybe because I am still trying to figure out why he does not feel a certain way about me, I am so attached to him. So until I get to the bottom of it I am going to be chained to Him. Honestly, sometimes I think I punish myself sef. Thing is I have never had any1 I am close to not like me in that way. I guess there is a start for everything or should I say welcome to the real world Lighty, alas! the world doesn’t revolve round you. Damn! That hurts. Lol.

His excuse is he is not ready for a relationship; my explanation for this is I am not his type of person. But my question is why all this then? I think the phone conversations and visiting should stop because he is really getting in the way of what I am feeling.

I also believe that no matter what, if anyone comes across their kind of person, they would be ready regardless or what do y’all think.

So here I am, stuck in the middle, cant move forward, not ready to pull back, giving guys a hard time and lonely as hell. Damn! Am lonely.

P.S. if you are reading, I really don’t give a shit. I still like you anyway. I have never said this to you before, so there you have it. Prove is prove. Lol!

My next post would be from: THE ROLLERCOASTER OF AN ALLEGED PLAYER. stay tuned.

Unacceptable Ordeal

Sad story, every time I remember it, it chips the top left corner of my heart. Lol.

Here is the gist.

I think there was something about me in high school that made people automatically think the worst of me. I swear then teachers look at me and just want to give me a whipping. Why? Cause as far as they were concerned I was bad. Not like I made it easy on my self though, my school skirt was short and tight, my school shoes were always high but I was mighty good and clever. I only wish they gave themselves time out to know me before head-on judging me.

An incident occurred one day. A terrible, terrible one. It was a week after mid-term break of my last year in high school. My friends had spent the short holiday in my home but we decided to stay a week longer just so we didn’t have to sneak out of school to attend a party we were dying to attend. It was either staying home the extra week or not going to the party at all. Sneaking out of school was one thing I never saw myself doing even though I had friends who went clubbing frequently and didn’t seem to have a problem with sneaking out. I on the other hand was extremely grounded and too deciplined for all that.

Getting to school there was a meeting in the main hall of for final year students and all the teachers and soldiers (in case u do not know, I went to a military high school) seem to be there. Unfortunately one of the girls (C) that went home with me had a brother in the same year, the other (L)’s father was a teacher. Apparently, L told her father she was spending the holidays at C’s house because L and I lived in the same city, it would have been pointless saying she was coming to mine. Now because C’s bother arrived school a week before C and L, it was chaos in school with L’s father worried has to where his daughter had spent the mid-term break. So as soon as we arrived, there were messages waiting.

We were summoned to the teachers department by my English teacher, and she took it upon herself to do the questioning. At some point during the holidays, she had waved at me from a moving car while I was with a friend in front of my friend’s house. At another point, she had walked passed my house with me standing in front of the gate with my bothers and 3 of my bothers’ friends (six guys in total) and we had a little chat on how the holiday was going.

Would you believe the heifer after this took it on herself to say she had seen me with my friend wearing a micro- mini skirt and an extreme low cut top? What a huge lie. I was bewildered because 1) I didn’t have a micro mini skirt and even if I did I was never going to wear it to my friend’s house, for her father is a pastor and they don’t even wear trousers in that house, let alone mini skirts. 2). my skirt was below knee length and my top covered every inch of my upper body. 3) I had no idea why on earth she was lying.

The idiot didn’t stop there? She went on to say I was prostituting and that she had seen me with guys in front of a house, she said there were about 11 guys. At this point I was weak. I actually spoke, told her that she knew they were six guys and that half of them were my brothers. This woman went further to say she knew my brothers but that on the day, none of them was there.
She said she knew I had a boyfriend and she wants me to give his name. This was before I had a boyfriend (B) and prior to B I had never been in any form or sort of relationship at all. So I was oblivious to what she was saying. She started whipping me and slapping my cheeks telling me to give her my boyfriend’s name. I told her except she wants me to make up a name, I had no boyfriend.

As her mission was not yet accomplished, she looked around and told the other teachers that it was such a shame I didn’t have a boyfriend, what a pity that in all the guys that use me, none of them was happy enough to make me his girlfriend. The others opened their mouths and one of them said ‘oh my God; so u mean they use u and dump u?’ u wouldn’t believe what happened next. All the female teachers started to cry, they said they were crying for me and asking why a beautiful intelligent girl like me let men take advantage of me like that? They cried because they said the world is such a cruel, cruel place. They cried because they said they wonder how my future was going to turn out with me being a disaster at such a tender age. So I decided to break down and cry with them. I cried because I wanted God to answer my prayers of not prospering any of them in life. I cried because I could see them bear pain all through their remaining years in life. I cried because all their daughters would be used and dumped in the future.

After an hour of interrogation and serious tears in the teachers department, they let me go and do u know that through all of this no one paid attention to L and C? Absolutely unbelievable.
It turned out that L’s father didn’t have a problem with her spending time at my house or coming into school a week late, because there was no teaching that week for some strange reason. Although he was angry with her for not letting him know and getting him worried.

After the ordeal, that stupid English teacher had the audacity to enter me into a nationwide poetry competition. Idiot, idiot, stupid idiot. I gave her the nastiest piece of art imaginable; I just couldn’t be bothered with. At the time, I wasn’t thinking about myself. Too bad.

I don’t think I can ever forget that day of my life, my meeting with a bunch of useless haggard looking fools.

When a good girl goes bad. It might be for a season not forever.

I wasn’t lonely, nor heartbroken, nor insecure. I was angry, very annoyed and even though I don’t believe cheating was the way forward it in some way calmed me down.
I know what you all thinking, how could cheating calm me down? It subdued my anger in some very funny way. But you know what they say right? Once you cheat with some person you end up finding yourself in the same position with that person.

Yes I had a boyfriend, yes I loved him pieces, yes I was very able to separate my cheating life from my loved up relationship, and yes I find it weird myself.
Yes he was in a relationship, yes he knew I was in one too, yes we shared each other’s relationship problems, yes we were mighty good friends, yes his girlfriend knew me; in actual fact she grew to love me even though she met me through her boyfriend.

Of course I felt guilty, guilty with the fact this girl trusted me, and angry with the guy for cheating on someone you say you love so much.
I asked him constantly why he was cheating, and he had no valuable response, only that he was some what attracted to me. I asked him if he was aware I didn’t see him in that light; if he knew I would not leave my boyfriend to be with him, if he knew that even if he decided to leave his girlfriend it wouldn’t be to start a relationship with me.

He went crazy, I asked him why he was so crazy, he told me I cut him deep, he told me he just couldn’t believe I had no feelings for him on that level. I told him it might sound harsh but I didn’t. I told him I see him as a brother, but with the occasional filling up when necessary. He told me I was talking crazy, I told him I really didn’t care if I was. It was what it was.

I hung out with his girl whenever she was in town, we went shopping together, theatres, cinemas and occasional eat ins’. He introduced me as his kid sister; I shook my head and called him a bastard in my mind. I hated him for doing this to her. I felt disgusted for betraying her so.

My boyfriend was acting dumb, working all the time, snapping every now and then constantly, constantly got jealous whenever I told him I was with friends. He would go into a rage and feel sorry all at once and blamed it on the hard work and how he had no life but I was enjoying mine. Well that aint my fault is it? I sincerely believed he sensed I was cheating, knew something was going on but just could not put his finger on it. Why? I constantly answered his calls, I showed nothing but love because I genuily loved him anyway. If he called me 18 times a day, I pick up 18 times a day regardless. The other guy was jealous, I couldn’t understand why. I mean that wasn’t the plan, well there was no plan.

I met guy through a friend, he just moved into my town for educational purposes, I thought him attractive, it was in his house. My friend said she was going visiting a friend and said to tag along. There were his other friends too, we had a steamy conversation about relationships, they thought me clever, I was youngest in the group and they wouldn’t believe my age. We all became friends, with all of them but him, I was closer too. We started visiting each other, we laughed togehter, we listened to music together, we had the same taste in music, he was witty, he was handsome but I didn’t see me with him though. He wasn’t for me at all.

I had not spoken to my boyfriend for 2days he calls me and starts with a non-chalant attitude, and his constant nagging and beating around the bush kind of ish. Guy invited me to his place for sleep over, guy has been asking me for this in the last week but I turned him down. Why did I do that? He slept at mine? Just the other day guy and I were having a sleep over at mine when I had one steamy argument with my boyfriend, it ended with me crying into guy’s cuddle and we slept off. So on this day guy asked for me to have a sleep over at his I couldn’t turn it down, I thought that’s what friendship’s for, I had to return the now regular sleep overs guy bestowed on me.

I was in guys’ house, we watched a movie, we ordered Chinese, we dimmed the lights, there was soft music playing, I turned my back, I was horny, I was mad cos I was horny, I was mad at my boyfriend cos if not for his stupid acts I would not have run into guy’s arms, I was mad cos I needed guy to touch me so bad and angry because I felt that way. Guy touched me, and waited, I did not resist. First it were my thighs, then my tummy, then my left breast, then tightens my left nipples in between his fingers, I liked it and that was all it took.

So guy and I started this, but we never talked about it, it was great, I loved to tease, he liked the chase, so it was mad, he would chase for thirty minutes sometimes before I would eventually give in, I knew I was gonna give in, I loved it when he begged for it, but I loved my boyfriend more and I blamed him for this.

So now guy wanted feelings attached, that I couldn’t do, I didn’t even bother trying, I wanted it to go no where, I wanted my boyfriend to come to his senses, I never talked about me and guy, except to my best friend, I told myself I wasn't doing anything with guy, I convinced myself nothing ever happened, I believed it, I guess that was how I managed to pull it off. It was getting too crazy for me, the sex was hot like fire, more like fireworks, no more like volcano eruptions.

Guy seemed like he was genuinely falling for me, he loved to take pictures of me, he was obsessed with me, his girlfriend got angry with him one day, and told him to delete all my pictures off his laptop, her reason; he had more pictures of me than her, I guess that’s a good enough reason. I stopped answering guys calls, I stopped seeing guy, I was more concerned with her than him, I didn’t want to hurt her, cos I know how it’ll be if someone tried to take my man from me, more so, I didn’t even want her man.

Guy went crazy, I ignored him, He came knocking on my door, I didn’t open, he came another time at 2.30am to knock on my door, still I ignored him, I wasn’t going to have anything to do with him. Then my boyfriend started cheating, female intuition, so I let guy back into my world just for payback. Was on it with guy when I confronted my boyfriend, I was with guy when I got my boyfriend to confess, still was with guy when I left my boyfriend, in fact I was with guy until guy left town. Then I deleted every contact I had with guy. I wished guy a happy life.

I chatted with guy the other day he told me to send my pictures; I said no. He asked if I’ve changed my number; I said yes. He asked if he could have my new number; I said no. I asked him when he was to get married; he didn’t respond. He said he hated it when I talked about that part of his life; I said well it is your life what you gonna do? He said if I would take him he would break up his relationship; I said I wouldn’t. He asked if I hated him that much; I said I didn’t hate him and I had to go. Msn; logged off 2:35am 06.04.06. I am never cheating again.

AND so.. IT began.

Dad has ten kids, a total of five women, my mum, the last and the legal one. You see the rest of the women, call them concubines. The first had five boys, the second had a boy and a girl, the third had a boy, forth one a girl, and my mother had me.
As far as I can remember, mum was the only wife and the only one who lived in our house with all the kids. We grew up in a twin duplet with my dad and his twin brother who has eleven kids combined with my nine siblings.

It happened on a Sunday, dad was to go to his farm filled with animals of all kinds and aside from his farm he also had a sculpturing company he managed with his brother. My mum, sister and nephew were to go with him. I had just come for the holidays having always been in boarding school, I remember it was the Easter break. We set off to the farm an hour from home, I was thirteen. Getting there the state of the farm was a sight and dad was not happy, the grasses over grown with weed everywhere. Dad decided to take the job upon him to clear up the place because he was so angry the workers had not done their job. I, excited to do the job with dad joined in but dad said not to bother he would do it himself, his excuse; I was too young. Twenty minutes into the job, he started complaining of a headache and my mum told him to take a seat but he felt worse and we had to leave, he got cranky and started to argue with mum and whenever this happens I cry making this day no different. We got home watched the football match that was on and went to bed.

That was the last I saw of dad that day. I woke up the following morning to go see dad but the door was locked I went round the back to peek through his windows but saw no one except red stains all over dad’s white vest hanging on the door handle so I ran to my siblings to ask what had happened and if they had seen dad and mum but no one had.
Mum came home around mid-day to get dad a change of clothes apparently he had been coughing blood all night however unfortunately I couldn’t visit dad at the hospital because I was due to go back to boarding school.

It was on a bright Sunday after, day of good food in school, jollof rice and the rest. Yummy I was looking forward, skipping away to the dinner hall with friends a can of sardine in my hand, when someone ran up with news that my family was waiting for me at my guardian’s house, a surprise to me as I wasn’t expecting anybody so soon having barely just left home a week ago, I decided to think the worst. Getting to my guardian's house I saw her outside her door talking to one of my uncles and in the process wiping what I thought was tears off her eyes as I approach she composed herself like it was nothing. My uncle made me relieved by saying I was to go home for a thanksgiving for dad’s recovery, I was told to pack up my school uniform because I was coming back to school the following morning. Excited as I was, I gave the can of sardine I was holding to a friend.

In the car were two of my cousins, Remi whose school was thirty minutes away from mine and Tola her older sister. Remi told me she had seen Tola cut up a black string attached to her wrist when she was approaching, a traditional form of mourning. I thought to myself what I would do if dad were to be dead, I thought I would cry my eyes out but there was a voice that said to me I would have to take it as a man. The thought quickly left my head and suddenly I couldn’t wait to give dad a big fat huge happy for his recovery. The journey on the other hand was too artificial; too much to eat, too much to drink, extremely unusual coupled with an awkward atmosphere. We got closer to home and drove in high speed past dad’s sculpturing company, I found that very peculiar because I could see posters and dad being into politics my question was why dad was already contesting when he has just recovered. My mission was to take it up with him when I get home.

We got to the house and I could see some relatives I hadn’t seen in what seemed like forever standing on the balcony, I turned to Remi and told to her that we only see these relatives when there was a party going on, how come they never visit on a normal day?
I looked up towards the gate and on it was a huge obituary poster of my dad on the right and R.I.P written in bold on the left, just then Remi burst into tears, I; was in shock, Tola held me tight in tears but told me not to cry. We came out of the car; I went past the crying relatives and made my way straight into my mother’s room. She was dressed in black, all black. She gave me a big huge and whispered into my ears; don’t worry my son, God be with us.

It occurred to me then that dad was dead and every other thing added up. This seem to be the true start of my life, a passageway to the man I have become today.

N.B: This is neither fiction nor imaginary, it is the biography of a friend who is not into writing but have long wanted to share his experiences with the help of someone who would take up the assignment. Hence it being on my blog.
So in between my post, this might come up, just so you are aware. Hopefully I dont get carried away with writing his story.

LESSONS.

So am sitting here, in the library trying to do some work for my dissertation, bored as hell because the electronic journal system is not responding and tired too. For some reason the back of my body is throbbing, all the way from the back of my neck to the back of my ankles. Strange because I cannot remember exercising but then MIMI was thinking it might be because I was brisk walking 2days ago, anyway that be that.
Sitting here just looking for what to do got me thinking on my educational life, isn’t it coincidental that most lessons learned in life are actually learned in school? You learnt to be smart, lie, be moral, be conniving, bitchy, selfish, delirious, hilarious, hardworking, good citizen and that some people are just messed up in the brain.

Talking about people being messed up in the brain, it’s just a pity that Nigeria allows that, I mean it’s totally safe to be a downright paedophile. I remember once in primary school, primary 2 precisely I had just changed schools because I moved from the south of Nigerian to the east I think. If my geography is correct of which I doubt but that’s beside the point. So it was new environment, new school, new uniform and new I don’t care attitude. I hate not knowing people, it could be really daunting for me, it weighs me down and turns me into a complete shy rabbit of which amongst friends I am not. Problem is I don’t make friends easy, I would say am too picky when it comes to friends, one of my flaws, call me shallow I sincerely agree. Sorry.

Well I noticed that a group of girls always rally round the teacher’s desk and I noticed they were the beautiful girls in class; all of them had something in common; maturing at 160kph speed rate. I was about 7 and am sure most of them were about the same age as me. Thing is everyone in class somehow knew what was going on although I was oblivious to whatever it was. I just could not wait for closing time each day, for the first year in that school that is the whole of primary 2, I had no friends, not one. Lol, how sad, I just couldn’t be bothered.

Well so there was this maths test we had and the books as normal were supposed to be distributed by either the class captain or the teacher, every1 got their books back except me. I lifted up my hand to alert the teacher of this strange happening his response was for me to come over he would like for me to go through the test with him
Already the peculiar girls were batting their eyelashes at me but like I always do I totally pushed them to the back of my mind, I just could not be bothered. There I was with the teacher, he was marking my maths test with me of which I considered weird. Next thing I knew I felt his fingers slide my panties to one side. I was shocked. 1) Because I couldn’t comprehend how he raised up my skirt without me being aware and 2) I was confused about why his fingers would be sliding my panties. This was primary 2 remember? I was 7 and he was my class teacher. I quickly slapped on his hand, pushed my skirt down, left my book and ran to my sit. Guess what he had to say? He looked at the peculiar girls with a smirk on his face and said isn’t she strange? They all nodded in accordance to his statement.

When I got back to my sit, the girl beside me patted me on the shoulder and told me I did well, he does that to all the girls round his table, in her particular words, ‘they are all silly girls’
I did not report the issue; I was too scared and shy. He didn’t try it with me after that time but the other peculiar girls still rallied round his table. The psychotic bastard!

Primary school lesson learned: some men are extremely messed up in the brain and would go to any length to satisfy their sexual orgies. What a lesson to learn at such a young age even though it was equivocal then, it was still something to ponder on.

Ah ha. The electronic journal thingy is working now, am going back to work. Will be back with school experiences. Laterz.

My Apologies...

Yes! i know i know, i have been a terrible blogger lately, but ive got a good excuse. my laptop is pissing me off so much i dont even want to touch it, i cant even be bothered to take it for repair and i want no computer other than the vaio cr series. so am saving.

that stupid laptop of mine has problems, the thing goes off just like that while am using it, it runs serious temperature as well forcing me to do my dissertation at the library and go on the internet on my phone even when i am at home, which is really annoying. so bear with me lovely people. ill be with you soon as can be.

love u lot loads.
signed LIGHTY.(100%).

A SHRINK'S OBSERVATION.

My role: a psycho-analyst, analysing your situation. take note, everyword written is total role play, i dont want any of you taking things personal ok loves?
for those of you mentioned in this post, u can leave ur comments following ur reply. if u're new on the matter u could comment on the previous post, and ill edit this for you posting my observation on how u're handling matters. hope that works for everybody. lets get this ball rolling. (by the way thx to kitty-catwalq for the idea of posting replies, fantastic stuff).

@ zephi... u'll run far far away? r u sure thats a good idea? cos u know u cant hide from this kind of stuff, not @ this age. think of all the betraying years you've grown into, just to hear this. i agree its gross. extremely bizarre, more bizarre than gross. so are u gonna be running into the woods with little red riding hood? i suggest u come down that tree and face the matter.

@LMM... hate is such a strong word u know that right? although it was sick for father to av done this, but how about mum loving it and actually marrying him? wouldnt u think she was probably hypnotized or sumn'? maybe she still is. whatever it is, u av to forgive 70*7 times. on that note see me next week.


@afrobabe... thatz all? darling, u av to let it out, surely keeping things in would one day burst out. i know u're feeling something, tell me what it is, what exactly do u feel, release urself.

@don... dats a good start; to ask. mom would still be mom? come on don, the sicko married her father surely u av sumthing to say than mum would still be mom? or r u and mum...? no no surely that can never be. i hope not. well the next time you come for ur session, i hope you have more to same concerning your intake with what you really feel about mum.

@unnaked soul... u do know drinking would only drive u 6feet under in this situation, coz u might not have the courage to stop. as for the ganj u'll blow ur head out.
so now u're telling me that this has happened and all u can think of is making money? guiness book of record, i mean come on boy. who does that?
as for the psych test, i run that not you. so here is what you would do, next session i want u to have a list of what you really feel and what exactly you would do. ok? thank you, ur meeting is now over.

@naapali... absolutely a way forward, i hope they understand what mess you are really in and open their hearts to you. cos for all you know they just might not want anything to do with that lineage, judging from the fact they av never seen u or asked to speak to u or meet up. i wish you all the best, fingers crossed it would go smooth. good luck

and you have something in mind you want to say? it would speed the healing process, trust me. so what do you say? see you next session? yes? no?

@DL... absolutely, and they fucked u up in the process. what would u do about that? think about it. and come back to me.

@Ugo... nope! its a scenerio. is it for u? (lol, no mind me, am still in role play).

a bit too late for that now, u know already. so what u saying? u just might end up in a mental hospital? i can understand that. but wouldnt u like to book another session so we can talk things through before u finally go wild on insanity?

@QOMC... i agree with you, this is absolute shit in the real sense of the word. disgusting, i wish u all the strenght meeting your family, hope they agree to see you. a good thing you're remaining sane. you didnt say anything about contacting ur parents/grandpa. so u're just gonna forget about them?

for ur wedding, would u rent parents or????

@30+... and where would that leave you? on a regular to my office or are u gonna go for cleansing???

happy new year to u too sister mi.

@guerreiranigeriana... right! i guess by writing them letters for money u're still accepting them as ur parents. literarily they are anyway. a good thing u're not in denial. looks like i wouldnt be making money from u, judging from the fact you just might never come back for more sessions. on the other hand thinking money in this situation is u making reasons for urself like this matter never arose in the first instance, stop holding back. come back next week 4pm.

and guerreiranigeriana... dont forget, next week 4pm. ok? ill be waiting.

@ isi... in other words you are just going to pretend like you didnt here what ur parents/grandpa had to say and go back to bed shea?

well when u wake, ill be standing in front of your door staring into ur eyes until u let it all out. am guesiing u're gonna be sobbing or probabbly run out the house with ur nighty and no slippers.

@toyintomato... so u're telling me u've just been told this and u are willing to live life as normal? no no nope young miss. thats the first stage of denial, its either u tell me wot u av in store for those two; because i can see through u, u look like u've planned to burn the house down. now unless u pour out ur heart to me, i am afraid u are not leaving my office.

@baroque... and after u stone them to death, where does that leave u? remember killing them doesnt change the fact of how u came into the world. i suggest u sleep for 2days straight, wake up and book an appointment with my secretary.

@darkelcee... u cannot run forever. there is no place to hide remember? come into my office, its ok, u av nothing to fear, am ur friend. now tell me, how do u feel?

On that note my fellow clients, ur sessions are booked, ill see u next week. b4 then give me a brief on how far u're coping.

WHAT WULD U DO? I (DADDY GRANDPA)

So? It’s the new years again right? Good. I know what you are all thinking. New year means new decisions, targets, goals and everything that follows along that line of strenuous-ness with fulfilling your dreams. Here is what am saying, I wish you all the best of whatever you wish for. Miracles and blessings darlings, and kisses too.

Well I have decided this year to start a series called ‘what would you do’? So you beautiful people can always have something new to read whenever you come round. Kind of like a skit in between my diary updates when nothing interesting is going on in my life, I will give you something to ponder upon. Orite?

Here’s the first one.

What would you do?

If you were sat down by your parents and informed that in true fact, your father is your grandfather as well. They both started this ludicrous liaison when your mother was eight, and instead of your mother to feel disgust and hate towards your father/grandfather like most normal people would do, she loved him, and would do every and anything to satisfy him including agree to marry him and have you,

Obviously now it's all clear to you why you have never seen your cousins, you don’t know of any blood tied aunties and uncles and both your maternal and paternal grandparents died before you were born.

It comes clear why mum has so much respect for dad and why he is way older to. She doesn’t argue with him, she does everything he says and he treats her just like he treats you.

When last two years you stumbled on mum talking to someone on the phone and she used the word ‘sister’, when you asked she told you it was a nun on the phone, one she used to know a long time ago. It felt strange because you were sure of what you heard, it couldn’t have been just a nun, it was well personal, she talked to the person on the receiving end as being the only sister she had and why nobody is acquiescent with the fact that she loves dad very dearly. You could have sworn your grandparents were not alive, so who was mum referring to? Well she managed to soothe the turbulence in your temperamental soul, so you forgot about it.

but now this is it, mum and dad sorry granddad, no, dad-granddad, oh granddad dad arrrh! whatever; are sitting staring at you waiting for you to speak.

Go on darling, what do you say? Speak.

8 things that could officially make me a weirdo.

Imagine how busy i have been, it took me almost a week to post this. i started by writing one at a time until i finished 5days after i started. This is serious. some1 please help i need ideas for dessertation anyone? (what do you know about globalisation and UK trade market? i cannot narrow it down and am sweating. i need a target point, otherwise i might have to change my topic altogether, that would cut like a knife after all these research).

Finally anyway here it is;

Written, Stamped, Signed, Approved and Tossed ur way

i laugh to relieve tension and any sort of confronting emotions.

say some1 is in a rage with me and attacking me on the aspect, i start to laugh, very annoying i know. but as every1 says now, its not you its me. lol! that line is the perfect shut up line.

i talk to myself on a regular

conversations, question and answer sessions, arguments, confrontations, everthing u can imagine, i even rebel against myself, just to make my alter ego get the point. it's so bad sometimes that i put on my ear piece so on-lookers would think am talking on the phone. lol! i know, horrible shea? but i really enjoy it.

i sing alot.

on the road, at work, on the train, on the tube, in the bathroom. and trust me, i dont have the best voice but i just love me some singing. reason why i love musicals; so i can sing along, and why i cant do without a music player. dont sit beside me on the train if u dont like people who hum to whatever they are listening to.

music is my fix

u'll see me having a dancing fit with any song i consider good enough to move to, on the road i shake side to side in what i consider an un-noticed way, am sure u'll notice. never try surprise hook up with me at a bus stop, ill surprise u if am alone, u just might find me grooving away. lol. most of all, i bounce alot in the car, like a little spoit brat. ha, sometimes i tire myself, honestly i dont know what ill ever do without me though.

i stand infront of my mirror naked

every morning when i wake, i take off my pj's or nitey and stand in front of the mirror, when am in my bedroom alone that is. so dont think u'll be seeing me naked if u come spend the night. sorry, that wouldnt happen.

i am a sucker for books.

i love reading, novels, manuals, intructions, everything. ill get a new phone and read every single little booklet that comes with it, or buy cereal and read every writing on the box. i guess thats how i successfully set up a glass dining table and 4 leather chairs i bought my mum from argos for her 50th almost 2years ago, that took me like the whole day. my mother was so amazed, and no mistakes were made too.

i have also formed an habit of buying two books every month; like i pay my rent, phone bill, card bills, cable bill and whs bill for 2 books lol. as much as i love reading books, i hate love stories i cannot stand reading a book based on love. yuck! mills and boon pure trash, i've read two my whole life, absolute waste of my time, i wish i could actually have the times i spent reading them back. in as much as i love reading, when it comes to studying, am a lazy bugger! thatz my weakness, i find it really weird.

i am terrible at keeping records

here is the thing, you take me to a restaurant and believe me, by the next day i dont know what area it was in or what the restaurant's name is called, i just know i had a good meal. this happens all time especially when some1 takes me on a night out, my friends get so pissed off with me cos i come back to talk about how lovely the bar or club was but never remember what location or name it is. all i need is my mobile phone and bank card and i believe i can follow you to the ends of the world and come back home in one piece, by His grace.

i lost 3 ipods, a psp and a mobile phone all in one year.

tell me that aint weird? trust me, am extremely careful i dont know how i managed that? now i have gotten the gist, there's an ipod karma working against me. am totally on mobile walkman now. my house mate who loves morning sleep ran down the stairs from sleep one morning on my way out to work because i told him the night before that ill be borrowing his ipod. guess wot he came to say? he went lighty, with sleepy eyes and all, please i beg u, dont lose my ipod, please please please be extremely careful with it, and bring it back home. how embarassing is that? he could lend me his life and not worry about me losing it, because he'ld be sure i wouldnt but with ipods? *shaking my head* different story. Sorry apple that product is not just made for me, OBVIOUSLY. as for the psp and mobile phone, total fluke! it just so happened.