...Yesterday has Gone

Celestina sat on her front porch watching the rain, first it was pouring down then it starting to drop subtly that if you looked up to the skies it made like little drops of pearls all glittering to the glory of the beautiful afternoon.

Peace of mind was the only thing she lacked at this moment even the rain had failed to console her wounded heart. Being very artistic and interested in life, rain coming down had been a sign that all might go well today has opposed to the last twenty one days.

Normally she was one to object to the fact that even the worse of life’s turmoil could not be viewed positively, for her there was a light even in the darkest of life’s tunnels that would always lead you out. However Celestina sat on her porch today watching a pearl drop from heaven land on a leaf from the mango tree and then drop unto a snail that was happily carrying on with its day duties. The snail did not twitch and if it noticed a drop just landed on it, it paid no attention but carried about its business. Celestina suddenly wished she was that snail, she wished she could take no notice of everything going on but it was too hard to carry on like nothing was happening. The memories of it all flowed in her brain non- stop passing through every nock and cranny of it. She could have almost sworn that she constantly heard her terminated baby cry her name. It was easy for the doctor to try convincing her that it was only a foetus but Celestina knew it wasn’t just a foetus, it was her child.
She loved her husband and she had never felt guiltier killing his child but not to do so would have been the crime she committed, at the rate at which things are going, she has to save all her unborn from him. Either she keeps killing them or leave him alone which is out of the solution.

Her mind drifted to when she was seven in almost the same scenario, only then she was sitting on the porch of her father’s mansion on the lap of her mother watching the rain fall down. Her mother was talking to her, one of the tete a tete they shared once in awhile. She told her of how lucky she was to have Christ in her life, how glorious her future would be, and how brightly the sun shone upon her face making her so noticeable. She had prayed for Celestina, and told her that her blessings would be full and she would have a happy home with a good God fearing husband in the future. Celestina had sucked it all in muttering her Amen that was now defaulted to her lips whenever she heard words of prayer, saying it before even realising it had been said. A few days after that, Celestina’s mother; Agnes, died.

Celestina had married, she had achieved much more than she prayed for and better still, she had married one of the most gorgeous well to do men in the society. Ten years into her marriage she had discovered she was living with two people in the body of one but fear of the truth kept her in this miserable situation. Celestina watched her husband thinking he was un-noticed, sneak into their seven year old daughter’s room every now and then to have sexual intercourse with her, but she had said nothing to date. When her second daughter was seven Celestina could swear he started doing the same to her.

She has never brought herself bold enough to confront him partly because he was perfect in every other way during the day. So she stuck to her self-denial that a man so perfect, so God fearing and peaceful would never do such to his own children. Her heart burned for her girls but she was too into portraying the perfect family to save her own children. That was why twenty one days ago, Celestina walked into doctor Martin’s office for her scheduled termination, and this would become her first solution to resolving her agony. As it is, she already has three children and that would do. Lucky enough for her, the third child is a boy and she knows her husband hasn’t been going into his room. She promised herself that she would rather not bring any more children to the world than make more suffer in the hands of her husband.

The rain had stopped now and the earth smelt so beautifully of fresh rain, Celestina looked at her watch, it was only three o’clock and the driver would soon be back with the children from their different schools, a few more hours and her beloved husband would return too from work. She wiped dry her wet cheeks with the hem of her wrapper and retreated into the house to see if Kofo her maid had finished with lunch.

Looking around her on the wall inside the house, her thirteen year old daughter Anna’s portrait hung with a full bright smile that would light up any room, next to it was nine year old Nneka, light skinned with gap teeth and would have been extremely beautiful but for the huge forehead mounted upon her head. Nevertheless she could be regarded as perfection by any artist with a wild imagination. Junior at six was carbon copy of his father, it was already obvious that he would be tall and would well be the ladies dream in a few years to come was plastered with a goofy smile on his face, his portrait was next to Nneka’s. Celestina looked at her children, her joy and happiness and thought how their lives would have been perfect, how the story in her heart would have been different, how her smile in public would have been genuine not fallacious. She sighed and made her way into the kitchen her huge buttocks following closely behind her.