And I thought racism was dead.

Imagine ohh , was at work today and some 66year old man called to renew his policy. From the begining of our conversation, I felt he was awkward. I noticed his reluctance when I ask for his policy number because he went silent for like 5 seconds until I said hello before he gave me the details. Below is how the conversation went;

Mr: all I want to do is change the card detail because I don’t want to use that card this year
Me: I do understand, but I would have to run through the policy before I take the payment.
Mr : I don’t want you to go through the policy if you just cant change the card number I would take my business elsewhere
Me: the problem is not changing your card detail, it is just that I have to follow procedure (before they decide to start suing because they didn’t know this or that, we have to thoroughly cover ourselves).
Mr: the problem is not the procedure, the problem is 'you bloody people'. He hung up the phone.
Which bloody people?????

I took his number down, my intention was to call the heifer to explain himself better to me, I was so very angry, but I got another call and this was such a lovely man, he actually made me laugh half way through the call. So I thought no point wasting my time on primitive people who don’t want to move on.

This also takes me back to when I first arrived in this country, after finishing high school in naija asper I finished at a young age, I had to go back to high school now. So there I was ohh in my English literature class, I had two classes for that, one of the teachers loved me because her class was first and I made an excellent first impression on her. My believe is she must has told her colleague about me because from the first day I entered that woman’s class, she gave me attitude.

I found myself failing in one class and passing in the other which was very weird so I decided to talk to that foolish teacher. First she asked me if English is my first language, my head went spinning. Guess what she did next she pulled out a year 5 English book, all them tenses, nouns, and pronouns kind of books with short stories inclusive. God! I could feel the tears gathering behind my eyes. But I made sure I beat her to her own game.

At the beginning of the class, she presented an essay to us saying it was the best in class and the rest of it was shit. This essay was from the girl I compete with in the other class ohh, and most of the time I had a higher score than the girl sha, so I wasn’t even bothered.

Unfortunately for the crazy woman, she set exactly the same question half way through the class and what did I do? I looked at the girl’s essay she gave to us months back ( I kept it because I personally thought it was shit), pulled out like 5-6 shitty sentences from the shabby work and put it in mine untouched, pure and shabby like she wrote it.

I couldn’t wait for the results to come out, it did and all the 5-6 sentence were marked out in red, along with so many other sentences, it was my day. After class I went up to her to discuss the essay along with the girl’s original, I asked why I got such a terrible mark and why most of my work was marked in red, she told me because it was bad and asked me if I have been reading the book she gave. I told her bad uh? How come when the girl wrote it, it was the best work to the extent she had to photocopy for the class? She asked what I was talking about, and I pulled out the essay and pointed at it sentence after sentence. She stared at the essay and wouldn’t look up to my face and wouldn’t speak too. Just then someone knocked on the class room door. Saved by the bell.

I went home and cried my heart out to my mum and from that day I never went back to that school. So much for civilisation uhh?

Drunken Self

So now I am sitting on my bed, still feeling weak as hell, a result of getting drunk last night. I wonder why people actually get drunk; it is so not fun and funny how in this part of the world if one is not getting drunk one is not having fun.

So, I set myself on a mission last night to get drunk because I have never been drunk in my life. Not because I am immune to getting drunk but because I refuse to let my guards down, I am extremely conscious of my surroundings and would probably be the last person you would take advantage of.

It was my friend’s birthday get together yesterday, and she lives literarily behind my house so I and my housemates made our way there. At first I was just munching away while everyone was dancing and drinking. After like two hours, I noticed I have not heard a drop of alcohol which was surprising and I was beginning to think there was something wrong because usually I am first to grab a glass. Mind you I have a rule, strictly no larger, cider or beer, I personally don’t think it speaks well of a classy woman like me.

So last night I thought to myself, why don’t I just get drunk? This is just 3mins away from my house, I have my housemates around me and I have never had the gust to be drunk. I started with 2 tumblers of white wine and pulled out a bottle of red wine (my favourite, I just can’t get enough of red wine uhhh.) and downed the lot.

As at the time they were leading me home this morning, I was floating, got up to my room slept for a bit, woke at 7.30 to throw up and that’s what I did every 30mins till 5.30pm. Awwww what a horrible, horrible, horrible feeling. How do people get by this? I threw up until I almost gagged out my intestines, funny though I had no headache but I feel so so so weak am surprised I am actually even writing now.

Well at least now I know when I am drunk I don’t talk shit or act a fool and experience no headaches at some point though, I was thinking of calling paramedics because I thought the vomiting would kill me.

On that note I am never getting drunk again in my life, I think I have done my part.

Animal Fetish

Ok, here’s the deal, I am sick and tired of so many strange things all happening at the same time. Was watching television the other day, day time TV for that matter and there was this documentary kind of talk going on, it was about humans having sex with there pets or random animals.

Apparently, it is illegal to have sexual intercourse with animals and anyone caught in the act would get a prison sentence. Don’t know how many years though cause I was in the middle of getting ready for work.

So this man came up and said he is a farmer and a few days ago he heard something strange going on in is barn, he went in there and in the hot afternoon was a man having sexual intercourse with his horse. He declared he beat that man black and blue (lol! I personally think he should have cut off his balls instead. But hey! Datz mi tho. Lol!).

Anyway, another man was found having sexual intercourse with his dog, and when he was arrested for it, he said ‘why should he get arrested, after all he owns the dog’ thing is the dog is a male dog too, so you know where what was going. Hewlllllllll….
They arrested a woman after suspecting she was having sexual intercourse with her poodle, but she always denied it. Finally while in public, her dog decided it needed a lick and proceeded by going under her skirt, which confirmed the suspicion, she was taking into custody.

Well people, that just goes further to show you how dirty the world today is. May God help us.

P.S. I was thinking that I would like to start smoking. Any recommendations on what cigarettes brand to go for? I am giving myself two weeks before I start fully. And don’t ask me why, because I don’t know, plus it is not influence or peer pressure, I believe I have past all that.

Witchcraft ban ends in Zimbabwe

By Steve Vickers BBC, Harare.

I just thought I would share this with you all, isnt it amazing what the world is coming to, right before our eyes? Programmes with the likes of Harry Potter, Charmed etc have a great impact on how the matters of witchcraft is viewed today. Now to be a witch is 'supercool', to the extent that children write series of letters to 'JK Rowling' writer of Harry Potter to join her fantasy academy believing it to be real. Well people what can I say? Zimbabwe on the other hand decided to take full charge, read through the article.

Zimbabwe has lifted a ban on the practice of witchcraft, repealing legislation dating back to colonial rule.

From July the government acknowledges that supernatural powers exist - but prohibits the use of magic to cause someone harm.

In 1899, colonial settlers made it a crime to accuse someone of being a witch or wizard - wary of the witch hunts in Europe a few centuries earlier which saw many people burned at the stake after such accusations.

But to most Zimbabweans, especially those who grew up in the rural areas, it has been absurd to say that the supernatural does not exist.

In fact, it is not hard to find vivid stories about the use of magic.

Alfred, for example, believes that he was bewitched at work some years ago, making him partly bald.

He described how after supper one evening as he and his wife were retiring to bed his hair disappeared.

"When my wife came into the bedroom she look at me and said, 'What happened to your hair? Where's it gone?'

Claims of witchcraft need to be investigated instead of putting down every disorder in society that is taking in our society to witchcraft or modern magic
Thomas Deve, social commentator"She saw a bald patch from the forehead going back on the side of the head. There was no trace of it," he says.

He spent seven months visiting traditional healers to make it grow back.

"She made some incisions round the bald patch, put some powdery muti (medicine) and lo and behold within a few day the hair had grown."

Fetishes
There are many other accounts of the use of magic, and the new law effectively legitimises many practices of traditional healers.

'If you have that knowledge to capture a thief in a cattle kraal when he comes for the cows, well and good. It's like electrifying the fence round your house'
Traditional healer Claude Mararikei

Do you believe in witchcraft?

These include rolling bones to foretell the future, divination, attempts to communicate with the dead, using muti - traditional powders and fetishes - to ensure the desired sex of a child.

But there will be some legal grey areas, like whether it is legal for a husband to place some charms in his bedroom - charms that may injure his wife if she is unfaithful.

Professor Claude Mararikei - a sociologist and the chairman of Zimbabwe's Traditional Medical Practitioner's Council - argues that witchcraft has some positive benefits in the modern world.

He cites the example of a man who stole some bewitched cement that became stuck to the thief's shoulders so he could not remove the bag.

"So if you have that knowledge to capture a thief in a cattle kraal when he comes for the cows, well and good. It's like electrifying the fence round your house," he says.

'Waste of time'
Others believe that the country would be better off without elevating the supernatural.
"I think it's a waste of time and energy. The urban areas are not really caught up in these supernatural issues," says social commentator Thomas Deve.


"Claims of witchcraft need to be investigated instead of putting down every disorder in society that is taking in our society to witchcraft or modern magic," he adds.

The church in Zimbabwe has always believed that witchcraft exists, but it has been careful to establish the source of such supernatural powers.

"As Christians we've got to recognise that supernatural forces are good if they originate from God - now witchcraft is one of the things that originates from the Satanic world," says Reverend Roy Musasiwa who runs a theological college in the capital, Harare.

The Witchcraft Suppression Act was used fairly frequently, but prosecuting someone under the new legislation may prove difficult.

The new Criminal Law Codification and Reform Act will demand proof that a person has supernatural powers and that they are using them to harm others.

"It's not going to be easy task," says Custom Kachambwa, a judge with years of experience in the legal field.

He says witnesses will often be traditional healers, who could be accused of practising harmful magic in the future.

But whatever the problems, the repealing of the witchcraft laws is another sign that Zimbabwe's government is continuing to move away from Western values and placing more emphasis on the country's own traditions.