Broke ol' me II (cont'd)

Right… so where did I stop.
Suffering 3.
OK, the three of us went outside and stood, wondering what will become of our fate?
L remembered that some Malo (Hausa Nigerian) guy, her friend told her to come chill over at his place earlier that night and she had turned him down because she didn’t see much sense in it. At this point, we felt the need.
She decided then to call him up to see what he’s saying. Unluckily for us, the guy was still bent on her coming over. I’ll call him J.

L told J she was coming over but she was with two of her friends, the night had turned out messed up so we could do with the chilling. Little did he know we were stranded in the cold and little did we know what they had in stock for us.
J arranged a cab to get us and I must say, J lives in the very posh part of the area. As in, this part is where you’ll see the likes of Henry taking out his trash or Ronaldo jogging round the area, you get the gist?

We got into the apartment; it looked like there was a miniature party going on. So I loosened up, plus we received a warm welcome. ‘Welcome of doom’.
It was brought to my attention that most of these youngsters were influential, as their fathers are very well to do and well known Nigerian men, from the Malo (Hausa) side. If you’re Nigerian, by the time you think of two very well to do Hausa men in Nigeria, know that their kids were amongst this gathering. That night they were all under the influence of something because most of them were not acting right.

They offered us drinks, drinks they brought from within the house. Whatever drinks were in those cups I wonder, only God knows. I refused to drink anything so did R but L had some, oh well. Shortly after, J spoke to L about going indoors and she followed.
R was falling asleep and I couldn’t just imagine why she should since we were in a strange environment.

I tried to make conversation just to keep everybody focused and got to find out that one of them actually writes, he is more of a Nigerian critic who wouldn't blog (I asked if he ever considered blogging) because he doesn't believe in hiding his identity and wouldn't like to make known his identity because most of his write ups focus on the fathers of his friends ( he told me this in confident. i saw some of his work, Good stuff).

R was fast asleep on the bed we saw in the lounge area when we came in, so I joined her in order to cover myself up under the duvet, I was feeling uncomfortable with all the vulture eyes around so i decided to go into hiding.
T one of the guys brought in another mattress and placed it close to the one R and I were laying on and started stroking my hair, can u imagine? I scolded him and he stopped. So I decided to act asleep so they don’t be getting any ideas.

A, the most influential of them all came into the lounge and you wouldn’t believe what I heard him say. He said ‘why are these girls sleeping, wake them up I want to fuck’. I thought I would jump out my skin. Before I knew wat a guan this stupid guy was bending over me, I screamed so hard at him and he took a standing, the other guys were like why you are bothering her, leave her alone, she’s sleeping (Dear Lord save me tonight I promise I would never go out broke, that was my prayer).
They began to speak Hausa, I was so scared at this point I put the number 999 on standby in case anything was to go down. I was so scared I thought of calling my mother to save me from this hell hole. I tried calling MIMI but this was about 5:15am in the morning, her phone was going voicemail. I tried calling my close male friend K voicemail too.

Before I knew what was going on, A started going about them waking R up, why is she sleeping he said, and was about to pull the cover off her when I told him to go find somewhere to lay his head and leave her to sleep.

The guys left the lounge, and I quickly woke her up, telling her she must be crazy to sleep in this mad house. She woke up feeling confused and I told her what had been going down. She asked after L and I said L hasn’t returned from where she disappeared to.
The guys came back into the lounge with some girls that were chilling in the kitchen, apparently, one of them was supposed to be A’s girl, the other was super high and was chatting super shit. The one that was A’s girl told A they need to start heading home, so the two girls and A headed out only for A to come back into the house and head towards me with his phone.
A: can I have your digit?
Lighty: what for?
A: to take you out for lunch sometime
Lighty: not interested in lunch
A: dinner?
Lighty: I try avoiding dinner.
A: breakfast maybe?
Lighty: I don’t eat breakfast.
A: you must be on a mega diet; you don’t seem to eat at all.
Lighty: oh well that’s the way it is.
A: since you wouldn’t give me your details, it’s Lighty right? You will most definitely be hearing from me.

Was that supposed to be a threat because it damn right sounded like one to me, P the writer suggested since we were sleeping already, it will be more comfortable to go in the bedroom. I thought he meant R and me, in truth he was suggesting me and him. What? I decided to play along. He wanted for him and I go in the bedroom and R and T remain in the lounge area. R had drifted asleep again. I wonder how some people can have such peace of mind.

Well P came back to me to let me know the room was ready. I woke up R and told her they had set up a room for both of us. she was ok with the idea, the way the girl was sleeping sef, one would think she was drugged.
So R and I followed P as he led us to the bedroom. We got into the bedroom, and R tossed some pillows to P telling him he would need it to sleep in the lounge. He took the pillows from her and said ‘I’ll come join you girls shortly’.
R looked my way as if to say wot da hell is going on?
As soon as P left the room, we both raced to the door, to check if it had a lock, thank God it did, locked the door, lay on the bed, feeling safe but sorry because we still didn’t know how we were going to get back to the house.

Broke ol' me.

Before I start on my suffering ranting, if you ever hear me say I am going out with no money in my purse and my current account close to 0.00, don’t hesitate to hit a terrible slap on my face and shake me until the wool over my eyes fall off because for me to say that believe I must have been jinxed.

Remember in the post prior to this one, I talked about suffering in the past weekend; well here it is, brace yourselves.
I’ll split it into 4 categories.
Let me take you through the prologue before I start
I had sufficient fund enough to last me precisely seven days before my big bucks arrives. Haven spent so much on important things in life alas I was left broke. But I would rather be broke than not pay my bills. Stupid I though, even in my broke days, I still find myself living a bogus life (I believe when there is a will, there is a way and there has always been a way for me, so I am spoilt).
If you have ever read some of my old posts, you will know my party area is 4hrs 20mins away from my work area.
Whenever I go like that, I go for 4days as in enjoy myself to the max. This was not to be different and I intended to have my fun, broke! Lol!
I booked my trip that was no problem, arranged to chill with a close friend, that became little problem and partied for 3nights that became a huge problem.

Suffering 1: well I arrived at my party area, I was over joyed, and I had my outfits planned out as I had done some shopping specially for the purpose, damn! I thought to myself; its gonna be so much fun. I called up my friend told her I was in the area, and she said should give her a call when I get to her vicinity. Blogville, only for me to get to my friend’s vicinity and call her to come pick me up and her phone was winding up on voicemail. Dolls, I called for two hours and thirty minutes, VOICEMAIL!
I was tired, weak and confused actually more frantic than confused. Damn I had no where to stay, time was running out. Shit shit shit. I was calculating in my head, I am very picky when it comes to staying in people’s houses, I don’t sleep in just any house its hard enough to get me out my house cause I love my bed so so.
I know my friend said something like her being in training but she also told me that it wouldn’t be a problem contacting her when I reach her vicinity. As if, this has become a major problem. Now my phone battery was running flat chai wahala, I am there sitting on my suitcase like a motherless child, I had to quickly transfer some 2-3 number that are important on this journey onto my blackberry I hardly use it to make calls don’t ask me I use it mainly 4 emails and the lot. But on this day, it really saved my butt. Fortunately I succeeded in saving 3 numbers before that phone went off. Problem now is my blackberry had just one bar of battery life left, been on the net all through my journey, reading your blogs. See? Its’ your entire fault, blogville and its addictive stories.
In my thinking and tiredness as I have gone seven hours already without rest, I decided I’ll just go home and forget about this party. Sad shea? I know. By the way, home is 45mins away from party area and it doesn’t make sense traveling to party area from home things are different there. Like no transportation at all during late night and bleak roads, too quiet. Just when I was about to pick up my suitcase, another friend of mine called and asked me where I was, she was like she’s been trying to reach me that I need to bring my butt round she already organised her cousin’s place for us to chill. Let’s call this friend L. I told you, there is always a way for me.
Suffering 1 cleared. After 3hrs and 15mins suffer head.

Suffering 2. That first party was ok, no biggy, second party, I, L and L’s friend R couldn’t get a cab number so on the mission to get a taxi to the second party we were lucky to ask some young dudes who were actually going next door to where we were going, they offered to give us a ride delightfully, it was fun, the trip I mean, little ranting, complimenting and exchange of numbers. They actually gave us a ride back to the house and asked to give them a call tomorrow if we would be going out. awww how sweet. Moreover, it was £30 just to get into that party let alone the Moet and things, in order words; I totally blew up my 7day sustainer. I officially became Broke. Lucky we got that ride back to the house. See? Always a way…
I was supposed to party with some of my homies, in short all I needed to do was get to the arena and all will be sorted, VIP and things, it was bound to be fun, but the problem now was getting there as home gal lighty was dry on funds. Behold R gets a call from one of them dudes of the night before and he offered to come for us. Yippee! Only for this dude to arrive at 1:10am at least he came. We got to the venue, this guy said he was gonna park his car and guess what he did, he ran off. Lol!!! Now how da fuck! Are we gonna get back to the house. WE WERE ALL BROKE and stranded as well, yea ohh! Lol! We went in, I saw some of my folks and this place was kind of dry. I mean I didn’t dress this nicely and bring my broke ass done here for this place to be dry. This was 2:10am, the place shut down at 2:45am what???? I look around the few people I knew damn which mouth am I going to use to say I cant get home, not me, they don’t expect that from me. Luckily, L spots a friend before I could say Jack Robinson there was yet another means of getting to the house. But there was this little commitment to it, we had to follow him to another spot where he said the music was live and they will be kicking it till 5am in between since he doesn’t live too far from where we were crashing he’ll drop us off
So we all went to this place, getting there, the door was closed, there was no more entry allowance but the guy kept to his word, he pulled some strings and they opened the doors. There is always a way, but not this time. Got behind the doors and it turns out there was £20 to pay. Lighty has reach rock bottom lovies aint no 20quid coming out from no where. Wait for it; this boy told us to go wait for him outside till he’s done partying.
Chai! Lighty you have suffered for fun ohh I mean how did I think anything would be fun if it doesn’t involve money? On the other hand, how broke is this boy? Not that I was expecting him to pay, I promote independence in women, if I were in his shoes, I would have handled it, so I half expected him to, although I have never met him before sha! And coming out while broke, WRONG!
We were to wait for this boy from 3:05am till like 5:00am in the cold before we could get to the house, I looked down at myself and thought HOW DA FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TO YOU. So we went outside and although we didn’t get to the house with the boy, the night took on a whole new dimension.
To be continued…

Ciara didn't do well ohh!!!

Well bloggers, I have got so much to talk about, very importantly is the sufferings that came on me last weekend which i will talk about in my next post. Chai! I suffered ohh. But before I start on that one, here is one very embarrassing yet funny moment in my life.


What is it with guys these days sef? Can’t a beautiful, intellectual and young lady be single no more? You tell them you’re single and they leave their mouths a-gap. This one is by the way let me tell u about one very horrible shall I call it date? No. I will just say hang-out I went on.

I don’t wear my glasses all the time so my vision is forever blurred. On my way from work the other day, I thought I saw someone waving at me and maybe nudging at me as well, this is what I do when situations like this arise, I wave back because I never see the person and I choose not to be rude, it just might be someone who would not take it kindly if I didn’t respond.

The person decided to walk towards me, and I found out we’ve never met. I was pained. I actually mumbled shit* to myself. Well he introduced himself and started with them lame lines silly guys start with. Funny though, we heard a decent conversation after. Turned out he speaks five languages which I found very interesting. So time for me to find my way and he asked for my number; on a normal day I wouldn’t give it out but I thought; we had a decent conversation nywayz, I meant as well. WRONG DECISION.

I have not gone 3mins before my phone starts buzzing, I just refused to pick it up, because I needed time to breathe. 5minutes later, text message. Nsi duuuu ( what is itttt???) ahhh!!! It goes; you touched something special in me, dah dah dah please text back. Hissssssss*I wasn’t in the mood at all.

Anyway this went on for over two weeks, calling and texting. Sometimes I pick my phone up most times I just watch it ring, that did not stop the voice messages coming through though. I felt choked. In fact I had to warn him to watch the way he calls which he agreed on.

Rush hour 3 came out and he said he wanted to see the movie plus I was dying to see that movie too, so I thought yeah since I am not busy this weekend, why not? There ain’t no harm. The beginning of my ordeal.

The day came, this boy turned up in a suit, not blazer oh, as in suit. Oh shit* I thought to myself, for goodness sake, we are going to the movies, what da hell came ova this boi? I was so turned off, I had to ask him why he wore a suit. Nywayz it was 30mins before the start of the movie, so we chilled somewhere for a drink, that wasn’t bad, saw the movie and it was hilarious in every sense of the word.

My flatmate was around town so she told me to chill for her so we could make it home together, at this time it was like quarter to 12am so I decided we should go dancing for a bit while I wait for my flatmate.

We got on the dance floor and after downing a bottle of red wine, this boy decided to go crazy on me, he was doing all the dances you can never imagine, jumping like this and that, until, wait for it, he decided to do the Ciara bend. Any of you seen the like a boy video? Remember the bend Ciara did? The one that her head was almost touching the back of her ankles? Yeah that one, he did it, I was so so so so so embarrassed, guess what, he could not stand up. Ahhhhhhhhhhh no. no no no. I just stood in akimbo looking at him, I was so angry, thinking whatever took you down there should be able to bring you back up now.... sha after struggling and struggling he managed to get up. My intention was to walk out that place, but I thought, I would stick with it till my friend finishes. I called her up and she was already making her way to where I was, lucky me, I just wanted to call it a night.

So I called him a taxi and said my goodbye that was it, I was done with this one. I can never ever forget that embarrassing moment.