Help! I see sweaty and almost naked men.

Firstly, a huge thank you to everyone who left wise words and sound advice on the post prior to this one. To be honest those words have left peace in me, you guys worked tremendous magic. I find myself more relax and open, may the good Lord's will be down. Wherever my compass points from here, I promise to fill you in on it. A big thank you, *mauh*.

Now...

In one of my previous posts I told y’all I started out at the gym and frequented my visits, well this was another one of my visits only this time I was curious. Isn’t it a damn shame curiosity killed the cat?

After my normal round, I decided to go in the sauna, in my gym you have to put on your swimming costume plus it’s separate for male and female. Usually in the shower room.

I’ve been seeing this fire exit door with a note on it saying please wear costume before getting in the sauna boldly written on it but because it’s a fire exit door I restrained myself from opening it. Na so amebo carry me open this door oh, one faithful day like that.

As soon as I opened and got into the room, the door shut behind me. What did I see next, half naked men walking up and down the shower room, this is me with my swimming costume, and a little towel wrapped around me. The men didn’t seem to mind. I thought something was out of place because I couldn’t seem to find the women and all the men said was are you ok sweetie? I said yes and went on to look for a sauna to sit in, totally oblivious to my surroundings.

I found one packed full with four sweaty men, imagine what lighty did, I entered into the sauna and bid the men create space for me. Na so I siddon ohh staring into space and wondering why I still haven’t seen any women yet. Trust me, sweaty men reek in the sauna I wonder if my friend's fantasy of sweaty men would still remain if she was in that sauna with me. Anyway the men didn’t seem to mind, until one guy bless his heart came in and asked me if I knew I was in the men’s shower room. This is me thinking to myself; dang lighty, you should have known.

If you see how I blushed errrr, you’ll think me a plum. I was immensely embarrassed, so I stepped out the sauna room back into the open shower and couldn’t go out the front door; apparently it leads straight to the gym, noooooo. No one’s gonna see me coming out the men’s shower room with a little tower and swimming costume, HELL NO. So they called one of the guys that work in the gym and he organised a woman to go open the fire exit door for me, it took good ten minutes. In the space of ten minutes you should have seen me having a laugh with these men, you would think it were my place to be there.

I wish I was a dark fantasy writer type person; it would have been a whole other ball game how wild my imagination would have been. Anyway, I put anyone who is capable to the test. Use my experience as a basis to your imagination on your next post. Iight?

Hell... let my imagination run wild, Here goes….

The sweat dripping down his chest, bring the hairs on my body alive, I feel them charging as if trying to explode the softness of my skin, out of the corner of my eye a DARK CHOCOLATE hunk makes his way to where I am standing, stood so closely behind me I could feel his breathing on my back. He gently pulls my hair to fall my head on his chest and devours my lips with a hard kiss that sends my spine to work. He, full on hard against my voluptuous backside, our hips swaying to the rhythm the music in our hearts is playing . Slowly, his right hand with a mind of its own make it’s way from my lower abdomen to my right breast. I make a ah sound of welcoming, my SWEATY SENSATION bends, takes hold of my legs, slowly and steadily licks his way up and settles in-between my already parted legs while DARK CHOCOLATE is getting ready to take me... STOP.
My oh my. There, I tried. Abeg make una no vex ohh I am not a fantasy nor raunchy writer. So you might want to continue this one on your blog Orite???
So, which one of you is taking up the assignment?
lol!

Serious thoughts of a mature mind

Lovely people, I am glad to tell you all that since my broke weekend, my life has bounced back to normal except I am still single, and true to say, I don’t know how I feel about it at this point. Thing is I actually think I have a problem, I am not sure what it is though so I’ll rely on you lot to help me out.

I’ve been single for 1year and 3months, and I still can’t be bothered getting into a relationship. I find myself pushing guys away intentionally, for no reason. Cool able guys for that matter too.

On my phone you’ll see random names like ‘don’t pick’, ‘disturber’ etc. could it be that I am scared of getting into a relationship? I don’t want to believe my last relationship is having an effect on me because I believe I am a strong woman, but psychology is a b**ch and it just might be the reason.

I believe I was everything a man would want in his woman, I was down with pleasing, motivating , advising, playing, cooking, looking fly on his arms and he cheated, in a cold way too. Can somebody tell me why men cheat? Because up to date he is asking to get back with me even though the mofo stayed with this girl for 4months after we broke up plus his mother still calls me.

Anyway, that is by the way. I have been talking to this guy for a while now, but every time anything relating to relationship between us comes up, I shut it down. I really am feeling him though and he is not hiding the fact he wants to WIFE me. Lol! we flow really well, my kind of guy.

So why haven’t I accepted to be his girlfriend after 6weeks? I don’t know, and to be honest, I don’t think I would for the next 4weeks either. Here is where my problem sets in, even though I like him, it doesn’t seem to bother me if after two more weeks of these, he decides to move on because he is not getting anywhere with me, of which I really doubt but then I cant be too sure of myself, it just might be. Hey! It doesn’t seem to matter though. I don’t know if I want a boyfriend.

I would like for us to be together, only if I had more time, then again how much more time do I want? I have shut myself from everything that represents a relationship, I don’t miss cuddling, kissing etc, it doesn’t even touch me to see couples fooling around, I just can’t be bothered. My heart has been closed and I really don’t know when it’ll open up again. I believe it wouldn’t be fair to enter into a relationship with a closed heart. To be honest I could do with another year of being single, I have learned a lot, grown spiritually and mentally too. It’s like my life took a boom in every aspect and I am grateful to God.

Why my heart has refused to open beats me, because when it comes to the list below, he foot’s the bill

Cute
Good Rapport
Religious
Level of intellect
Dress sense
Style
Attentive to my needs.

I don’t make up list but these are some of the many things I like about him and now because I know we could be starting something beautiful, I look for every excuse not to go places with him, meet up or go for a meal. I am always busy, tight schedule, dissertation stress, work, etc. I am afraid of starting anything because in any relationship; I am extremely committed, very loyal, giving, loving etc and all these just might be kicked to the kerb again or am I just enjoying being single and making excuses? I am not getting any younger, in fact in less than 2months, I will be a year older. What if this is the only chance i get of a good man and end up missing it because of my blasé attitude?

Blogville, I need your help on this one, I don’t think I can go through this alone. I need strong words of advice, honest and open minded. Don’t worry I am strong enough to take any shots you might want to shoot at me. Let’s hear it from you guys, bring it on.

In between your words of advice, make your way to my talent blog: http://lightystalent.blogspot.com/

Broke ol' me III (cont'd)

There was a knock on the door, it woke R and I up from our deep sleep. After that stressful and scary event, that deep sleep came natural. R asked who it was and it turned out to be L, it was 10.30am. She said she was worried about us and was wondering where we were, she was apparently sat in the lounge for some time until one of the guys told her we were in the room.
I asked L when we were to be heading and she appeared to be clueless about it, that didn’t make me a happy bunny. Just as we were talking J let himself in, told us he was making his way to a library, telling us in other words it was time for us to get our asses out his crib (that would have been the first thing we would have done, if we knew how da hell we were to make our way to the house punk). It would have been easier to get the bus home, but R was not dressed comfortably for that, plus she had no jacket to conceal herself in.
Well so far so good, J managed to arrange a cab to take us back to the house. It was an extreme long journey but at least we got to the house safe.
Suffering 3 cleared.

Suffering 4.
Remember my close friend I was supposed to chill with in the first place, the one I sat on my suitcase and waited for fruitlessly? We had been talking and she was really sad and sorry for how it all turned out and pleaded that I at least come spend some time with her before I finally left the area. So I conformed,
I spent a day with her; it was blissful, fun and refreshing, different from all the madness of the previous days.

If you recall, I told you I had enough funds to last me 7days and I had managed to blow it up to minimal, I was convinced I had enough to at least get me to the station so I could take my broke self back to my work area, to my house (take note, not my home). So I packed my stuff and made my way to the station while my friend made her way to work.
Got to the counter and the sales guy said it’ll be £4 from my friend’s vicinity to get to the station that would take me out the area. No biggie now, I should have that in my account, WRONG!!! Behold I didn’t, and so at this point I was back to square 1, plus my train out of the area was to leave in 45mins. (missing that train would cost me a lot more, plus I’ll miss work the next day, I couldn’t afford to miss my latter train) so I thought to myself; lighty think, think think think, what to do, what to do. First I stepped out the station shamefully, and decided to use a cash machine to at least know what my balance was. It was £3.75. Damn! Just 25p short? As I looked across the road, I saw my bank, which happens to be a branch of the one I work for.
Shamelessly, I walked into the bank, looking all fly and sharp and extremely broke not to forget. I plastered a huge smile on my face and told the cahier:
Lighty: hello, I would like to withdraw some money please
Cahier: hi, how much would you like?
Lighty: precisely £3.75 please.
Cashier: oh! Ok, I see you’ve got a gold account with no overdraft facility, would you like to set up one?
(Why? Because I am broke? It doesn’t mean I would be broke all the time does it chicken head? Does it?).
Lighty: love, 'your-bank' wouldn’t set up one for me, you know how they do.
Cashier: oh you’re an employee?
Lighty: doesn’t it state that on the account?
Cahier: oh yeah, I see it, well then lighty, would you like a receipt?
Lighty: what. For £3.75?
Cashier: money is money love, you never know.
Lighty: well it wouldn’t really matter; I am using it now anyway.
Cashier: there you go, have a nice day.
Lighty: you to.
My goodness, going in the bank to get £3.75 out? Ah that just has to be the lowest anyone would go. I guess when there is a will, there is a way. I wonder what she was thinking in her head. Well not that it mattered, I needed to get on the train quick as possible.


I had a pound on me already, so I got myself on the train quick as can, and made it to the train that got me out the area.
Suffering 4 cleared, I made it safely to the house. I hope you all had a beautiful weekend.
The End.

N.B: Am sure everyone is wise enough to manage their funds wisely when short. I know now, am over bogus lifestyle, especially when my bank account light is blinking, or am I? At least I know to stay put when am broke, no going ANYWHERE, NO CAN DO.

Now make your way to my talent blog: http://lightystalent.blogspot.com/

Broke ol' me II (cont'd)

Right… so where did I stop.
Suffering 3.
OK, the three of us went outside and stood, wondering what will become of our fate?
L remembered that some Malo (Hausa Nigerian) guy, her friend told her to come chill over at his place earlier that night and she had turned him down because she didn’t see much sense in it. At this point, we felt the need.
She decided then to call him up to see what he’s saying. Unluckily for us, the guy was still bent on her coming over. I’ll call him J.

L told J she was coming over but she was with two of her friends, the night had turned out messed up so we could do with the chilling. Little did he know we were stranded in the cold and little did we know what they had in stock for us.
J arranged a cab to get us and I must say, J lives in the very posh part of the area. As in, this part is where you’ll see the likes of Henry taking out his trash or Ronaldo jogging round the area, you get the gist?

We got into the apartment; it looked like there was a miniature party going on. So I loosened up, plus we received a warm welcome. ‘Welcome of doom’.
It was brought to my attention that most of these youngsters were influential, as their fathers are very well to do and well known Nigerian men, from the Malo (Hausa) side. If you’re Nigerian, by the time you think of two very well to do Hausa men in Nigeria, know that their kids were amongst this gathering. That night they were all under the influence of something because most of them were not acting right.

They offered us drinks, drinks they brought from within the house. Whatever drinks were in those cups I wonder, only God knows. I refused to drink anything so did R but L had some, oh well. Shortly after, J spoke to L about going indoors and she followed.
R was falling asleep and I couldn’t just imagine why she should since we were in a strange environment.

I tried to make conversation just to keep everybody focused and got to find out that one of them actually writes, he is more of a Nigerian critic who wouldn't blog (I asked if he ever considered blogging) because he doesn't believe in hiding his identity and wouldn't like to make known his identity because most of his write ups focus on the fathers of his friends ( he told me this in confident. i saw some of his work, Good stuff).

R was fast asleep on the bed we saw in the lounge area when we came in, so I joined her in order to cover myself up under the duvet, I was feeling uncomfortable with all the vulture eyes around so i decided to go into hiding.
T one of the guys brought in another mattress and placed it close to the one R and I were laying on and started stroking my hair, can u imagine? I scolded him and he stopped. So I decided to act asleep so they don’t be getting any ideas.

A, the most influential of them all came into the lounge and you wouldn’t believe what I heard him say. He said ‘why are these girls sleeping, wake them up I want to fuck’. I thought I would jump out my skin. Before I knew wat a guan this stupid guy was bending over me, I screamed so hard at him and he took a standing, the other guys were like why you are bothering her, leave her alone, she’s sleeping (Dear Lord save me tonight I promise I would never go out broke, that was my prayer).
They began to speak Hausa, I was so scared at this point I put the number 999 on standby in case anything was to go down. I was so scared I thought of calling my mother to save me from this hell hole. I tried calling MIMI but this was about 5:15am in the morning, her phone was going voicemail. I tried calling my close male friend K voicemail too.

Before I knew what was going on, A started going about them waking R up, why is she sleeping he said, and was about to pull the cover off her when I told him to go find somewhere to lay his head and leave her to sleep.

The guys left the lounge, and I quickly woke her up, telling her she must be crazy to sleep in this mad house. She woke up feeling confused and I told her what had been going down. She asked after L and I said L hasn’t returned from where she disappeared to.
The guys came back into the lounge with some girls that were chilling in the kitchen, apparently, one of them was supposed to be A’s girl, the other was super high and was chatting super shit. The one that was A’s girl told A they need to start heading home, so the two girls and A headed out only for A to come back into the house and head towards me with his phone.
A: can I have your digit?
Lighty: what for?
A: to take you out for lunch sometime
Lighty: not interested in lunch
A: dinner?
Lighty: I try avoiding dinner.
A: breakfast maybe?
Lighty: I don’t eat breakfast.
A: you must be on a mega diet; you don’t seem to eat at all.
Lighty: oh well that’s the way it is.
A: since you wouldn’t give me your details, it’s Lighty right? You will most definitely be hearing from me.

Was that supposed to be a threat because it damn right sounded like one to me, P the writer suggested since we were sleeping already, it will be more comfortable to go in the bedroom. I thought he meant R and me, in truth he was suggesting me and him. What? I decided to play along. He wanted for him and I go in the bedroom and R and T remain in the lounge area. R had drifted asleep again. I wonder how some people can have such peace of mind.

Well P came back to me to let me know the room was ready. I woke up R and told her they had set up a room for both of us. she was ok with the idea, the way the girl was sleeping sef, one would think she was drugged.
So R and I followed P as he led us to the bedroom. We got into the bedroom, and R tossed some pillows to P telling him he would need it to sleep in the lounge. He took the pillows from her and said ‘I’ll come join you girls shortly’.
R looked my way as if to say wot da hell is going on?
As soon as P left the room, we both raced to the door, to check if it had a lock, thank God it did, locked the door, lay on the bed, feeling safe but sorry because we still didn’t know how we were going to get back to the house.

Broke ol' me.

Before I start on my suffering ranting, if you ever hear me say I am going out with no money in my purse and my current account close to 0.00, don’t hesitate to hit a terrible slap on my face and shake me until the wool over my eyes fall off because for me to say that believe I must have been jinxed.

Remember in the post prior to this one, I talked about suffering in the past weekend; well here it is, brace yourselves.
I’ll split it into 4 categories.
Let me take you through the prologue before I start
I had sufficient fund enough to last me precisely seven days before my big bucks arrives. Haven spent so much on important things in life alas I was left broke. But I would rather be broke than not pay my bills. Stupid I though, even in my broke days, I still find myself living a bogus life (I believe when there is a will, there is a way and there has always been a way for me, so I am spoilt).
If you have ever read some of my old posts, you will know my party area is 4hrs 20mins away from my work area.
Whenever I go like that, I go for 4days as in enjoy myself to the max. This was not to be different and I intended to have my fun, broke! Lol!
I booked my trip that was no problem, arranged to chill with a close friend, that became little problem and partied for 3nights that became a huge problem.

Suffering 1: well I arrived at my party area, I was over joyed, and I had my outfits planned out as I had done some shopping specially for the purpose, damn! I thought to myself; its gonna be so much fun. I called up my friend told her I was in the area, and she said should give her a call when I get to her vicinity. Blogville, only for me to get to my friend’s vicinity and call her to come pick me up and her phone was winding up on voicemail. Dolls, I called for two hours and thirty minutes, VOICEMAIL!
I was tired, weak and confused actually more frantic than confused. Damn I had no where to stay, time was running out. Shit shit shit. I was calculating in my head, I am very picky when it comes to staying in people’s houses, I don’t sleep in just any house its hard enough to get me out my house cause I love my bed so so.
I know my friend said something like her being in training but she also told me that it wouldn’t be a problem contacting her when I reach her vicinity. As if, this has become a major problem. Now my phone battery was running flat chai wahala, I am there sitting on my suitcase like a motherless child, I had to quickly transfer some 2-3 number that are important on this journey onto my blackberry I hardly use it to make calls don’t ask me I use it mainly 4 emails and the lot. But on this day, it really saved my butt. Fortunately I succeeded in saving 3 numbers before that phone went off. Problem now is my blackberry had just one bar of battery life left, been on the net all through my journey, reading your blogs. See? Its’ your entire fault, blogville and its addictive stories.
In my thinking and tiredness as I have gone seven hours already without rest, I decided I’ll just go home and forget about this party. Sad shea? I know. By the way, home is 45mins away from party area and it doesn’t make sense traveling to party area from home things are different there. Like no transportation at all during late night and bleak roads, too quiet. Just when I was about to pick up my suitcase, another friend of mine called and asked me where I was, she was like she’s been trying to reach me that I need to bring my butt round she already organised her cousin’s place for us to chill. Let’s call this friend L. I told you, there is always a way for me.
Suffering 1 cleared. After 3hrs and 15mins suffer head.

Suffering 2. That first party was ok, no biggy, second party, I, L and L’s friend R couldn’t get a cab number so on the mission to get a taxi to the second party we were lucky to ask some young dudes who were actually going next door to where we were going, they offered to give us a ride delightfully, it was fun, the trip I mean, little ranting, complimenting and exchange of numbers. They actually gave us a ride back to the house and asked to give them a call tomorrow if we would be going out. awww how sweet. Moreover, it was £30 just to get into that party let alone the Moet and things, in order words; I totally blew up my 7day sustainer. I officially became Broke. Lucky we got that ride back to the house. See? Always a way…
I was supposed to party with some of my homies, in short all I needed to do was get to the arena and all will be sorted, VIP and things, it was bound to be fun, but the problem now was getting there as home gal lighty was dry on funds. Behold R gets a call from one of them dudes of the night before and he offered to come for us. Yippee! Only for this dude to arrive at 1:10am at least he came. We got to the venue, this guy said he was gonna park his car and guess what he did, he ran off. Lol!!! Now how da fuck! Are we gonna get back to the house. WE WERE ALL BROKE and stranded as well, yea ohh! Lol! We went in, I saw some of my folks and this place was kind of dry. I mean I didn’t dress this nicely and bring my broke ass done here for this place to be dry. This was 2:10am, the place shut down at 2:45am what???? I look around the few people I knew damn which mouth am I going to use to say I cant get home, not me, they don’t expect that from me. Luckily, L spots a friend before I could say Jack Robinson there was yet another means of getting to the house. But there was this little commitment to it, we had to follow him to another spot where he said the music was live and they will be kicking it till 5am in between since he doesn’t live too far from where we were crashing he’ll drop us off
So we all went to this place, getting there, the door was closed, there was no more entry allowance but the guy kept to his word, he pulled some strings and they opened the doors. There is always a way, but not this time. Got behind the doors and it turns out there was £20 to pay. Lighty has reach rock bottom lovies aint no 20quid coming out from no where. Wait for it; this boy told us to go wait for him outside till he’s done partying.
Chai! Lighty you have suffered for fun ohh I mean how did I think anything would be fun if it doesn’t involve money? On the other hand, how broke is this boy? Not that I was expecting him to pay, I promote independence in women, if I were in his shoes, I would have handled it, so I half expected him to, although I have never met him before sha! And coming out while broke, WRONG!
We were to wait for this boy from 3:05am till like 5:00am in the cold before we could get to the house, I looked down at myself and thought HOW DA FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TO YOU. So we went outside and although we didn’t get to the house with the boy, the night took on a whole new dimension.
To be continued…

Ciara didn't do well ohh!!!

Well bloggers, I have got so much to talk about, very importantly is the sufferings that came on me last weekend which i will talk about in my next post. Chai! I suffered ohh. But before I start on that one, here is one very embarrassing yet funny moment in my life.


What is it with guys these days sef? Can’t a beautiful, intellectual and young lady be single no more? You tell them you’re single and they leave their mouths a-gap. This one is by the way let me tell u about one very horrible shall I call it date? No. I will just say hang-out I went on.

I don’t wear my glasses all the time so my vision is forever blurred. On my way from work the other day, I thought I saw someone waving at me and maybe nudging at me as well, this is what I do when situations like this arise, I wave back because I never see the person and I choose not to be rude, it just might be someone who would not take it kindly if I didn’t respond.

The person decided to walk towards me, and I found out we’ve never met. I was pained. I actually mumbled shit* to myself. Well he introduced himself and started with them lame lines silly guys start with. Funny though, we heard a decent conversation after. Turned out he speaks five languages which I found very interesting. So time for me to find my way and he asked for my number; on a normal day I wouldn’t give it out but I thought; we had a decent conversation nywayz, I meant as well. WRONG DECISION.

I have not gone 3mins before my phone starts buzzing, I just refused to pick it up, because I needed time to breathe. 5minutes later, text message. Nsi duuuu ( what is itttt???) ahhh!!! It goes; you touched something special in me, dah dah dah please text back. Hissssssss*I wasn’t in the mood at all.

Anyway this went on for over two weeks, calling and texting. Sometimes I pick my phone up most times I just watch it ring, that did not stop the voice messages coming through though. I felt choked. In fact I had to warn him to watch the way he calls which he agreed on.

Rush hour 3 came out and he said he wanted to see the movie plus I was dying to see that movie too, so I thought yeah since I am not busy this weekend, why not? There ain’t no harm. The beginning of my ordeal.

The day came, this boy turned up in a suit, not blazer oh, as in suit. Oh shit* I thought to myself, for goodness sake, we are going to the movies, what da hell came ova this boi? I was so turned off, I had to ask him why he wore a suit. Nywayz it was 30mins before the start of the movie, so we chilled somewhere for a drink, that wasn’t bad, saw the movie and it was hilarious in every sense of the word.

My flatmate was around town so she told me to chill for her so we could make it home together, at this time it was like quarter to 12am so I decided we should go dancing for a bit while I wait for my flatmate.

We got on the dance floor and after downing a bottle of red wine, this boy decided to go crazy on me, he was doing all the dances you can never imagine, jumping like this and that, until, wait for it, he decided to do the Ciara bend. Any of you seen the like a boy video? Remember the bend Ciara did? The one that her head was almost touching the back of her ankles? Yeah that one, he did it, I was so so so so so embarrassed, guess what, he could not stand up. Ahhhhhhhhhhh no. no no no. I just stood in akimbo looking at him, I was so angry, thinking whatever took you down there should be able to bring you back up now.... sha after struggling and struggling he managed to get up. My intention was to walk out that place, but I thought, I would stick with it till my friend finishes. I called her up and she was already making her way to where I was, lucky me, I just wanted to call it a night.

So I called him a taxi and said my goodbye that was it, I was done with this one. I can never ever forget that embarrassing moment.

And I thought racism was dead.

Imagine ohh , was at work today and some 66year old man called to renew his policy. From the begining of our conversation, I felt he was awkward. I noticed his reluctance when I ask for his policy number because he went silent for like 5 seconds until I said hello before he gave me the details. Below is how the conversation went;

Mr: all I want to do is change the card detail because I don’t want to use that card this year
Me: I do understand, but I would have to run through the policy before I take the payment.
Mr : I don’t want you to go through the policy if you just cant change the card number I would take my business elsewhere
Me: the problem is not changing your card detail, it is just that I have to follow procedure (before they decide to start suing because they didn’t know this or that, we have to thoroughly cover ourselves).
Mr: the problem is not the procedure, the problem is 'you bloody people'. He hung up the phone.
Which bloody people?????

I took his number down, my intention was to call the heifer to explain himself better to me, I was so very angry, but I got another call and this was such a lovely man, he actually made me laugh half way through the call. So I thought no point wasting my time on primitive people who don’t want to move on.

This also takes me back to when I first arrived in this country, after finishing high school in naija asper I finished at a young age, I had to go back to high school now. So there I was ohh in my English literature class, I had two classes for that, one of the teachers loved me because her class was first and I made an excellent first impression on her. My believe is she must has told her colleague about me because from the first day I entered that woman’s class, she gave me attitude.

I found myself failing in one class and passing in the other which was very weird so I decided to talk to that foolish teacher. First she asked me if English is my first language, my head went spinning. Guess what she did next she pulled out a year 5 English book, all them tenses, nouns, and pronouns kind of books with short stories inclusive. God! I could feel the tears gathering behind my eyes. But I made sure I beat her to her own game.

At the beginning of the class, she presented an essay to us saying it was the best in class and the rest of it was shit. This essay was from the girl I compete with in the other class ohh, and most of the time I had a higher score than the girl sha, so I wasn’t even bothered.

Unfortunately for the crazy woman, she set exactly the same question half way through the class and what did I do? I looked at the girl’s essay she gave to us months back ( I kept it because I personally thought it was shit), pulled out like 5-6 shitty sentences from the shabby work and put it in mine untouched, pure and shabby like she wrote it.

I couldn’t wait for the results to come out, it did and all the 5-6 sentence were marked out in red, along with so many other sentences, it was my day. After class I went up to her to discuss the essay along with the girl’s original, I asked why I got such a terrible mark and why most of my work was marked in red, she told me because it was bad and asked me if I have been reading the book she gave. I told her bad uh? How come when the girl wrote it, it was the best work to the extent she had to photocopy for the class? She asked what I was talking about, and I pulled out the essay and pointed at it sentence after sentence. She stared at the essay and wouldn’t look up to my face and wouldn’t speak too. Just then someone knocked on the class room door. Saved by the bell.

I went home and cried my heart out to my mum and from that day I never went back to that school. So much for civilisation uhh?

Drunken Self

So now I am sitting on my bed, still feeling weak as hell, a result of getting drunk last night. I wonder why people actually get drunk; it is so not fun and funny how in this part of the world if one is not getting drunk one is not having fun.

So, I set myself on a mission last night to get drunk because I have never been drunk in my life. Not because I am immune to getting drunk but because I refuse to let my guards down, I am extremely conscious of my surroundings and would probably be the last person you would take advantage of.

It was my friend’s birthday get together yesterday, and she lives literarily behind my house so I and my housemates made our way there. At first I was just munching away while everyone was dancing and drinking. After like two hours, I noticed I have not heard a drop of alcohol which was surprising and I was beginning to think there was something wrong because usually I am first to grab a glass. Mind you I have a rule, strictly no larger, cider or beer, I personally don’t think it speaks well of a classy woman like me.

So last night I thought to myself, why don’t I just get drunk? This is just 3mins away from my house, I have my housemates around me and I have never had the gust to be drunk. I started with 2 tumblers of white wine and pulled out a bottle of red wine (my favourite, I just can’t get enough of red wine uhhh.) and downed the lot.

As at the time they were leading me home this morning, I was floating, got up to my room slept for a bit, woke at 7.30 to throw up and that’s what I did every 30mins till 5.30pm. Awwww what a horrible, horrible, horrible feeling. How do people get by this? I threw up until I almost gagged out my intestines, funny though I had no headache but I feel so so so weak am surprised I am actually even writing now.

Well at least now I know when I am drunk I don’t talk shit or act a fool and experience no headaches at some point though, I was thinking of calling paramedics because I thought the vomiting would kill me.

On that note I am never getting drunk again in my life, I think I have done my part.

Animal Fetish

Ok, here’s the deal, I am sick and tired of so many strange things all happening at the same time. Was watching television the other day, day time TV for that matter and there was this documentary kind of talk going on, it was about humans having sex with there pets or random animals.

Apparently, it is illegal to have sexual intercourse with animals and anyone caught in the act would get a prison sentence. Don’t know how many years though cause I was in the middle of getting ready for work.

So this man came up and said he is a farmer and a few days ago he heard something strange going on in is barn, he went in there and in the hot afternoon was a man having sexual intercourse with his horse. He declared he beat that man black and blue (lol! I personally think he should have cut off his balls instead. But hey! Datz mi tho. Lol!).

Anyway, another man was found having sexual intercourse with his dog, and when he was arrested for it, he said ‘why should he get arrested, after all he owns the dog’ thing is the dog is a male dog too, so you know where what was going. Hewlllllllll….
They arrested a woman after suspecting she was having sexual intercourse with her poodle, but she always denied it. Finally while in public, her dog decided it needed a lick and proceeded by going under her skirt, which confirmed the suspicion, she was taking into custody.

Well people, that just goes further to show you how dirty the world today is. May God help us.

P.S. I was thinking that I would like to start smoking. Any recommendations on what cigarettes brand to go for? I am giving myself two weeks before I start fully. And don’t ask me why, because I don’t know, plus it is not influence or peer pressure, I believe I have past all that.

Witchcraft ban ends in Zimbabwe

By Steve Vickers BBC, Harare.

I just thought I would share this with you all, isnt it amazing what the world is coming to, right before our eyes? Programmes with the likes of Harry Potter, Charmed etc have a great impact on how the matters of witchcraft is viewed today. Now to be a witch is 'supercool', to the extent that children write series of letters to 'JK Rowling' writer of Harry Potter to join her fantasy academy believing it to be real. Well people what can I say? Zimbabwe on the other hand decided to take full charge, read through the article.

Zimbabwe has lifted a ban on the practice of witchcraft, repealing legislation dating back to colonial rule.

From July the government acknowledges that supernatural powers exist - but prohibits the use of magic to cause someone harm.

In 1899, colonial settlers made it a crime to accuse someone of being a witch or wizard - wary of the witch hunts in Europe a few centuries earlier which saw many people burned at the stake after such accusations.

But to most Zimbabweans, especially those who grew up in the rural areas, it has been absurd to say that the supernatural does not exist.

In fact, it is not hard to find vivid stories about the use of magic.

Alfred, for example, believes that he was bewitched at work some years ago, making him partly bald.

He described how after supper one evening as he and his wife were retiring to bed his hair disappeared.

"When my wife came into the bedroom she look at me and said, 'What happened to your hair? Where's it gone?'

Claims of witchcraft need to be investigated instead of putting down every disorder in society that is taking in our society to witchcraft or modern magic
Thomas Deve, social commentator"She saw a bald patch from the forehead going back on the side of the head. There was no trace of it," he says.

He spent seven months visiting traditional healers to make it grow back.

"She made some incisions round the bald patch, put some powdery muti (medicine) and lo and behold within a few day the hair had grown."

Fetishes
There are many other accounts of the use of magic, and the new law effectively legitimises many practices of traditional healers.

'If you have that knowledge to capture a thief in a cattle kraal when he comes for the cows, well and good. It's like electrifying the fence round your house'
Traditional healer Claude Mararikei

Do you believe in witchcraft?

These include rolling bones to foretell the future, divination, attempts to communicate with the dead, using muti - traditional powders and fetishes - to ensure the desired sex of a child.

But there will be some legal grey areas, like whether it is legal for a husband to place some charms in his bedroom - charms that may injure his wife if she is unfaithful.

Professor Claude Mararikei - a sociologist and the chairman of Zimbabwe's Traditional Medical Practitioner's Council - argues that witchcraft has some positive benefits in the modern world.

He cites the example of a man who stole some bewitched cement that became stuck to the thief's shoulders so he could not remove the bag.

"So if you have that knowledge to capture a thief in a cattle kraal when he comes for the cows, well and good. It's like electrifying the fence round your house," he says.

'Waste of time'
Others believe that the country would be better off without elevating the supernatural.
"I think it's a waste of time and energy. The urban areas are not really caught up in these supernatural issues," says social commentator Thomas Deve.


"Claims of witchcraft need to be investigated instead of putting down every disorder in society that is taking in our society to witchcraft or modern magic," he adds.

The church in Zimbabwe has always believed that witchcraft exists, but it has been careful to establish the source of such supernatural powers.

"As Christians we've got to recognise that supernatural forces are good if they originate from God - now witchcraft is one of the things that originates from the Satanic world," says Reverend Roy Musasiwa who runs a theological college in the capital, Harare.

The Witchcraft Suppression Act was used fairly frequently, but prosecuting someone under the new legislation may prove difficult.

The new Criminal Law Codification and Reform Act will demand proof that a person has supernatural powers and that they are using them to harm others.

"It's not going to be easy task," says Custom Kachambwa, a judge with years of experience in the legal field.

He says witnesses will often be traditional healers, who could be accused of practising harmful magic in the future.

But whatever the problems, the repealing of the witchcraft laws is another sign that Zimbabwe's government is continuing to move away from Western values and placing more emphasis on the country's own traditions.