NEFERET Copyright©

Much ado About absolutely noThing

2010-11-01T08:54:00.003Z

oh my dayz its been a lonnnng time. but as old flames always find a way back into your life. i found my way back to blogging but this time 'round...am settling in with life in Nigeria...@ least 4 a year. That is what i say to myself to get by.

Been 4months and a bit in Nigeria...so far... so good. i have gone beyond all that culture shock...but i must say my shock absorber gets a overload sumtimes...metaphorically speaking. However there is absolutely no place like home, nowhere else will accommodate you like your father land and somehow 'mama's cooking always taste beha'.

omo there are no decent men in abuja o. chai! i don suffer. so so married men na e dey. after the married men we have the golddigger single men...a step down the ladder, there are the young lads who have total disregard for women. Abuja is on a whole 'nother level on its own. it has so much inside information...nothing on the outside. like how everybody is lazy with work but yet manage to rake in billions of naira. only in anuja town do you see decent looking guys with flashy cars who literally live in their csrs. yes! they do no have a place to call home. whereever they end up is where they crash and when they do not succeed in finding a place for the night they simply crash in their cars. Abj is the only place you hear extremely bizzare stories on a daily basis and no one is surprised. for instance as i type a girl lies in the national hospital, her breats are extremely swollen and worms r coming out of them. how so u might wonder. she was proposed 1million in cash for her breast to be sucked. she got the money before the act, later rendered her service and the result u already read. 5 girls went out of kubwa nysc camp and 1 has gone missing. a body of a girl was dumbed infront of the gate with a 100thousand on her chest. to us abuja residents...this is absolute day to day activity. a liltte bit like waking in the morning and brushng your teeth.

so..as the days weeks and months roll into my year...follow mi on my journey into discovery abuja the great. i promise...no hold backs...i'll let it all out. look out for my first installment...monday 8th of december. it'll blow your mind.

miss y'all.....ur one and only
Lighty Neferet.

Arcana...

2010-02-24T23:08:00.002Z

I have a dream, in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment; I shall rise.

Dear bloggers

I am sorry it has taken me years to finally compose myself, to decide that YES my spirit is filled again to write, to tell myself that; I want to live again, want to breathe again, want to feel peace again and want to be FREE again.

I realise I have been a slave to life the past two years; I have drowned myself in sorrow just because I felt it was the right thing to do. I have lived a lonely life just to get me an excuse to fall into a depression. I have cried over silly things and I have exalted vanity. I have lived my life anti-clockwise just to be rebellious, I have avoided love so many times and embraced lies and lust on a couple of occasions. It’s amazing looking back on life and not only seeing the things you have done wrong but seeing the things you have chosen to do wrong. Could it have been rebellion? maybe I was fighting the strength in me…telling me “c’mon” be a little weaker”. Often times I sit and think of these things, think of why I have chosen to live in gloom. Could it be because of suppressed hurt? Are my heart breaks more than I am counting? Am I in denial over issues in my past? Do I have bottled up anger and grudges that I have decided to store away? When I think about it, I think about a computer and its recycle bin…how you can delete items but it stays in the computer…somewhere, away from things you need but can either be totally wipe out or restored.

Dear bloggers… I put myself in a depressed prison that only I had the keys to open… and yet my outside was of high spirits and light. Talk about hypocrisy (rolling eyes). I could not bring myself to write because writing is the one area I am totally honest with myself… I cannot bring my hands on my keyboard and tell a lie… it just doesn’t work… that would be robbing me of the last bit that’s left of me.
Sometime in the course of the last two years a friend said to me that they fancied my life. That I had it going and that they wished they were in my shoes…I couldn’t help but be honest….I replied by saying ‘what you are wishing for in me is a façade…all of these is for you to see…it is not what it really is…it is a make believe.
For example that I wear designer accessories does not mean I am rich…it means I am in debt. I live in a beautiful apartment…what you don’t know is I get shit services…every single thing takes forever to get sorted or never get sorted; for instance my TV aerial socket has no connection and since the 2nd of December 2009 and when am having a guest put in a DVD so you never notice that fact. You think I have a high flying job like I make believe…the truth is I hate my job with every fiber in me and want out o so badly. You look at me and you think am posh…you think I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and you think money will be the last of my worries…money is the first of my worries…I’ve got 99 problems 98 of them is money…I wake up each morning and ask myself why it didn’t turn out the other way round….why my parents are not rich…why I have to struggle and work for every last penny. Although my parents are not poor…my mum is richer than my dad and that’s where the problem lies. I tell you I have a fetish for shoes and you admire my collection because apparently I am now a shoe collector…truth is I have struggled with my weight for 7years and found solace in buying shoes instead of clothes as I don’t grow out of them, and always tend to buy myself dresses 2 sizes small with the hope of wearing them someday but eventually end up giving them away.

I have used the last two years to find myself, to fight myself and to release myself. I have gotten reed of all fake designer bags in my closet and put them in the bin. The ones you would have sworn were real. Only the real ones stay now. I decided to get on with losing weight and lost 10kg…not far to go now. I have decided to free myself of vanity and focus on the reality. I am not flattered by what labels are in the store no more. I don’t kill myself to have what I am not capable of having now although I still droll. Still buy and read vogue religiously every month (lol). I gave myself a motor though “there is time for everything” time for Manolo and time for Kurt Geiger….time for Jaeger and time for Miss Selfridge….time for Gucci and time for DKNY. I started to think to myself the people I read in this glossy magazine wearing and carrying this fancies are mostly middle aged, I read of their achievements and I am blown away, they have worked hard and are now enjoying the fruit of their labour (no reference to the models). I on the other hand…am in my mid-twenties, not worked hard enough…achieved tiny and is yet to harvest. Then I thought instead of waste money on big brands just because they put bread and butter together and call it BRETT and present it to me as something I will never taste if I don’t taste it from them doesn’t stop it from being bread and butter. I want to be master chef and not a connoisseur…and so my next assignment is on a business plan that will liberate me and completing set me FREE. I have got yet another track to run.
Happy blogging
Your prodigal blogger
…Lighty…

N.B love you loads...missed you so much...elated to be back.

Just a little different....

2009-11-15T10:35:00.002Z

Yeah... so i havent done this for ages just cos i never felt the spirit to but somehow this has been cripping on on. Been sneaking in and out blogville to see wotz up. Through my observation, aint much as happened really. Boi! have i been on a rollercoaster ride this past year??? my answer to that will be OH YES!!!! but somehow through what appears to be life's way on trying to throw me off balance, I remain steady, happy and not shaken. I has a bizzare fling/relationship with some dude that thought he was making a fast one on me. You know one of them people that think they are playing you and deep that you think to yourself you aint man enough to play me how dumb of you to think you're out-smarting me? so with him i had this rubbish relationship, apart from the fact he was soooo shit in bed, he was also the most jealous, insecure and sad sad muthafucker i ever met in bwt he started acting funny so i let him go. it appears he wanted to go anyways. so shall i say i released him. If it was in a situation whereby i actually really cared, i would say i got played. noooooooooooooo. yea it would have been that. it i couldnt careless. thereby, it didnt really work out as he planned.

ohhh... this is funny, i had another relationship this year. oh this one was actually my boyfriend, for two weeks. aha ha ah ah ah ah. thinking about it makes me laugh. cos as soon as i broke up with him, i forger i had a boyfriend. i only just remembered him now talking of a relationship, how wierd?

forget boiz, i have had the most amazing year of my life. the most successful for me for far. and the most progessive year too. been on 3 holidays including Nigeria and i just might be relocating to naij early next year. we shall see. hopefully i will cope. considering am a tough figther. or ammmm i??? no be naij??? i go survive jor. and if i cannot... abeg jand is only but six hours away. ill just come back. e no hard.

well hopefully am back on blogville. i will return to share all my turnovers in details, right now i say Thank you Jesus. for through it all u keep a smile on my face.
xoxo.

this was free style so free any typos aiit????

ay ay ay.... just me talking or is it thinking.

2009-04-22T21:58:00.004+01:00

...even i am scared to blog. not scared but boi! has it been a while. am here thinking how is this done again? do i just strip my thoughts into a readily blank page and show the world? or do i write like am talking to that mystic fellow in my brain? the one i often talk to sometimes out loud where friends think me crazy. then i thought nah... i'll write; not for writing itself's sake but because i have all these things to say.... although i have no idea where to start from or what topic to select in the folder of my brain...

Am in a new city... obviously we got that cleared... Am still single... yeah because relationships are strange now... scary piece of frigging sh*t. lol! nahhh thats harse. i mean with a suitable person its beautiful... ay ay...problem is who is suitable now ey? relationships around me are so scary and believe sex is the problem... no, not sex... free sex and greed. ones like; ure so greedy u want ur girl's best mate... or u think he's too perfect for ur girl u want a slice or that too, just share in the public cake uh? he he lol! or lets think of married men chasing skirts... check out a single lady thinking that married man loves her more than he does his wife... dream on sister.

that leaves me wondering, could it be a power thing? could it be that men think they have a sort of power over a woman when they have slept with her and in their quest to feel energised with the fluid of the power fuel they ran round in circle to see where the next woman to enslave in their ego cage lies... then i wonder maybe women have decided that Yes finally liberation since the discovery of the clit... ever since sex was no more boring... how sad it will be to be stuck with just this short stick man. why cant i have juliet's bloke he's got a big one and remember there is my clit. YAY! dat should be fun. lol! anyway am not even about to get into this whole riddle ringt now... i have been doing too many thinking and even complicating my own thoughts sef. i tell you ern... too much of everything dries up your body cells.

so... where was i? oh yeah i dont know what to write or where to start from i'll give you bits and pieces, lets make guys the topic.

guy 1: not my type, good looking, nice, down-2-earth, fun loving and professional skilled. why is he not my type again??? emmmm... cos he's not. so i play it down with him, although cos he's in love with me as he declared and has a huge heart, he's one of my closest friends. with this guys i could be 100% undiluted razz and not care. lol. he's lovely really. shame he's not my type.

guy 2: alright looking, professional skilled, my type but full of ego and self pride: i am so good at knowing when to stop that i hardly ever go wrong kind of attitude. its good sometimes but other times it leaves a sour taste that just puts him in the immature category. a lil' bit over the top if u know what a mean. now the problem with guy 2 is denial insecurities. apparently i work out to be a challenge that he cannot phantom, so he carries on with a blase attitude that makes him look like a headless chicken running round in circles. thats he's cup of tea not mine. story for another day.

guy 3: professionally skilled today there's this girl he is checking out. tomorrow he is fancing rugby players on tv. day after tomorrow he thinks all the cute guys at the mall are checking him out. ohh and he just remembered, he's ex has just broken up with him and he is broken hearted so now he is depressed. this is my take: fringing make up ur mind... are u gay, vain, broken hearted, all thats mentioned or just plain confused? but he is my friend so i accommodate him. and wait for it; he is making moves on mi. ayy ayyy. i beg ohh. comot road.

guy 4: professional skilled just like guy 1 and 2, good looking. could be my type except he is not. different religion and for religious reasons its bye bye mister man. sweet guy though determined to make me his girl. but ermmm thats a shame now isnt it. **sigh**.

so.... on the yadi note. i'll leave you guys here.
for the record: am alive hail hearty and living life to the full.

ignore any mistakes am at work....
by the way how is it that am posting on 22nd of april and its showing 1st of march. hmmmm dats interesting anyway i have amended it the little way i know.
love u guys
~pebbles~

...lets aim for the bigger piece

2009-01-29T15:09:00.013Z

... the thing is everybody believes they deserve to be loved. when has love not been an issue for women? i am begining to wonder if the search for love is on the same scale for guys as it is for women. This whole thing is becoming so bogus to me. its like the guys are extremely confident that whenever they are ready, love will find its way and i must say, they often get ten times lucky. should women be as patient as men on their quest of the 'right' one? is that why we get done over time and time again? that we rush things and we are to eager for something to erupt while the guys are so chilled out?

the guys on the other hand would not settle for what they think less. in other words; they do not settle (at least not everytime, sometimes they fall short thought). its amazing that only a few men stay miserable in a relationship becuase once they get bored they find other means to keep them happy; be it chill with their boys, absord in football, books, video games, other making money means or simply go get down with some next woman.

on other hand, the women find themselves settling for less for one to many reason or the other and end up miserable as fcuk in their relationship and for shame of pretend happiness being reveled they remain in the shit hole.

is life unfair or do we dig our well of sadness with out own hands.

i think i am begining to think like a man, because it looks like they are getting the bigger piece of the cake and like oliver twist 'i want more'.

adios~

until my schedule permits me another post.

kisses.

before you start thinking i was done over by a guy, i wasnt. i was just thinking.

scribble/my apartment.

2008-12-16T21:41:00.011Z

To be or not to be?

Early this morning I heard a knock on my door and decided to open up to see who it was. To my surprise it was the same girl who knocked yesterday, the one that said her house was on fire and she needed help except it wasn’t, she fooled me into her house and what I saw shook my heart. In her living room, right there on her couch was her boyfriend; naked with absolutely nothing on but yogurt smeared on his coo chi. I screamed from shock but Anita grabbed me from behind and they both took me to the bedroom and tied me to the bed.

She started, Anita started by taking off all of my clothes while Sawyer stood there watching, absolutely naked with nothing but the smeared yogurt on his coo chi. Afterwards she took my nipples in her mouth. And caressed it with her tongue, squeezed it tightly first then gently and soft. I had I black out and woke up two hours later on my bed and behold I had been dreaming.

So today Anita was there again, standing in front of me except this time I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming. she said there was a fire in her house and she needed help but I couldn’t move my lips, couldn’t say nothing, I just stood there staring and staring at her, more so I couldn’t move, it was li- it was like-like everything was still, even the air from my breath seized and I couldn’t blink. Anita repeated herself, there was a fire in her house and she needed help. I went with her to her house, and in her living room was her boyfriend lying on the couch with nothing on but their dog; Perry giving him head. I had another blackout and woke up five minutes ago relieved it was yet another dream. Oh! it has to be a dream.

~Fiction~

JUST A LITTLE WISER!!!

2008-12-08T14:06:00.004Z

Its my birthday today. i just thought i'lld let you know. your kind thoughts, blessings and prayers are all welcome.

how am doing??? am just there. just another day like the rest of them but mos def a little wiser than yesterday.

how the last year went by? ill'd say i came out every tunnel shining illuminously. so i give thanks.

love you all.

i will update next week with a proper post.

~kisses~

update... oh my i just got flowers and chocolates sent upstairs from security. from this guy that wants me as his girlfriend. awww am blushing lol... awww bless. i feel really special now and ive got all my work mates wanting to know wot d deal is with this guy. he is not my boyfriend i say. and they reply well not yet. lol!!!

My keeping thus far!

2008-11-05T20:53:00.002Z

so... one of my last real post talked about me getting a transfer and moving cities. I didnt get the 2bedmroom apartment i talked about and ended up bunking in my friend's place for some 3 gruesome weeks. i say gruesome because i felt so uncomfortable, my things were left unpacked in boxes and bags it wasnt it at all. i felt so choked and miserable.

...then we decided to save some money and get a place together, i agreed; good idea why not? we go view a newly built apartment still on the edge of completion and fell immediately in love with it. the show room was off the chain, it had 2 master bedrooms with 1 shower room/toilet and a bathroom/toilet. we decided as soon as it was completed 1 week from then, we were moving in instantly. agreed.
when we got to her house, she told to me that she would be taking the shower room/toilet because she hates bath tubs. fair enough for me since am a bathroom freak never minding she wasnt discussing it, she simply stated it. 2mins later i got a catelogue and started looking through bathroom decor only for her to tell me she's getting jealous and she doesnt think she wants the shower room no more. i laughed that off, how ridiculous???

this young lady decided to wake me up from sleep to tell me she needs to talk to me about the apartment we will soon be sharing. guys i was mighty ticked off cos i was so tired. she goes; 'ive been thinking about the idea of me taking the shower room and i dont think i like it very much. i know am not into taking baths but i quite enjoy the decor that comes with a bathroom'. ok not precisely but that was what she said. i asked her what she wanted she said it will be nice to share both. i tell her no problem can i go back to bed. she's like even if we dont share we can use either one and leave the second for guests. i said not problem was that all she said yes and i went back to bed.

we saw 2 showrooms, the 2bed and the 1bed. quite frankly, the 1bed was so nice and i had been dreaming of it ever since the day but i didnt want to be the horrible person to say; right! i want to live alone after agreeing to share a place.

and so... that night i said a prayer to God, that he should teach me what to do and show me a way out of getting a place with her.

at work the next day on my lunch break i get a text. saying she thinks moving together is not a good idea and she is not ready for the expenses and stress that comes with it.

... that was my ticket to freedom. i immediately sent her a text saying i understand and it is completely ok, ill just get the 1bed then. that was one of the happiest days of my life. i called the agent told him about my plans and immediate arranged to move in at the end of the week, the opening of the apartments.

when i got to my friend's house that day, i didnt want any frictions so i carried on as normal, she was uncomfortable i could tell but i kind of eased her tension by talking to her about what she wanted to do next. i didnt tell her i had arranged to move by the end of the week though. the day after she asked what i was doing for the weekend and i answered nothing. she then went ahead to say cos her boyfriend is coming so i'll have to arrange something. which means i should find my square root in the weekend. in an unfairliar city u guys. i thought that was most horrible.

you needed to see the reaction on her face when i told her i was moving out on the friday; absolutely PRICELESS!!!

I now live in my beautiful apartment. happy with life most joyous that the Lord had guided my footsteps and i tell u, life could not be sweeter.

problem now is because its newly built. the postcode is not yet recognised and i have no internet connection, no cable and no landfone. apart form that life is purrfect!!!

the apartement is fully furnished so there was not much i could do with decor except give it some touches here and there to make it mine own private space. plus it is so spacious its just beautiful. i go to work and all i can dream of is going back to my house just to be in it.
this is the summary of my life in the last 2months.

... so, tell me what u've been up to.

LETTER TO MY BELOVED + AM ALIVE

2008-09-17T10:04:00.003+01:00

Am really sorry blog family, am too busy for words and i actually am squeezing this in for you guys just so my blog doesnt remain dead for longer than it already is.

YOU COME IN SWAGGERED UP LIKE YOU OWN MY TERRITORY

TELL YOU WHAT, I BET YOU DO.

IN YOUR FLASHING WHITE TEETH YOU BROADEN YOUR GRIN.

EYES SPARKLING LIKE LITTLE DROPS OF DIAMONDS ON OLD SOUTH AFRICAN ROCKS.
I TAKE IN YOUR SMILE,

YOUR AIR FEELS MY LUNGS AND SLIGHTLY ALMOST CAUSE IT TO EXPLODE

YOU ARE MY LOVE, MY BELOVED LOVE.

DID I EVER TELL YOU HOW BEAUTIFUL YOUR SPEECH ENGULFS THE SYLLABLES IN MY NAME?

HOW PERFECTLY YOUR MOUTH ROUNDS THE LETTERS MY NAME MAKE UP?

HOW TINGLY MY TUMMY GETS WHEN YOU NEAR ME?

I BET I DIDNT, NOW YOU KNOW.

DARLING BELOVE I WRITE YOU THIS LETTER OF GRATITUDE

TO THANK YOU FOR THE SPLENDID, HEART SHATTERING, BED BREAKING LOVE

MAKING SESSIONS WE INVOLVE IN.

THOSE ARE THE GREATEST.

HOW YOU BEND ME OVER WHILE SWEAT ROLL FROM THE BACK OF MY NECK TO MY SUPPLE BOTTOM.

YOU MY DEAR HAVE YOUR NAUGHTY WAYS.

NOW STOP SMILING, WE DONT WANT YOUR PERFECT FACE GETTNG WRINKLED OVER EXUBERANT EXPRESSION,

PICTURE ME SPANKING YOU HARD FOR THAT.

BELOVE YOU DO NOT HAVE THE KEYS TO MY HEART DO YOU?

BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO BE LOCKED AND I CANNOT FIND THE KEYS.

IF YOU DO, BRING IT ALONG WITH YOU

SO WE CAN FINALLY START A LIFE TOGETHER

I AM SICK OF LIVING IN MY HEAD WITH YOU

PLEASE SHOW YOUR FACE

BY THE COLOUR OF THE KEYS IN YOUR HANDS

I WILL KNOW IT IS YOU.

please ignore every mistake made too much hurry. kisses mi loves.

RANTING!!!

2008-08-16T14:40:00.016+01:00

... and i thot the second half of new cars come out in september. as it is, new cars in the UK come out twice a year. March and Sept. One will think i should be very busy now, with bmw, mercedes and other car freaks buying brand new cars and disturbing my peace at work during feb and august but am bored senseless here. i miss my customers, sad as that might sound, i really do. some of them are so much fun. one of them begged to add him on FB just yesterday. at first i took the email down, then i thought nahh forget it.

blogville!!! am yarning. ok the olympics, who's following??? china as at yesterday has 25 gold medals? thatz insane. its only been a week mates!

so my transfer has been sorted fully, and come 1st of sept i'll be in a new city, earning bigger money, enhancing myself with better benefits and taking home mega bonus. life is great. i wonder what the future of the newcity holds. maybe i'll finally leave the single life. you never know. i just might discover that the city is where i belong or it may turn out terrible. maybe i'll hate the whole place but i doubt i will.

i cant wait to get into my new flat. fully furnished, new apartment, two bedrooms, in the heart of the city. decorating is my talent. by the time i finish with my place, they will name the whole building LIGHTY. this is excitement speaking i tell you.

let me see what else is going on in my life...

oh! so am going to watch batman again today for the third time. i know right??? i must be a freak but this time am watching it on 3D. I cannot wait for those effects on 3D especially the car fight part, that would be MEGA!!!

anyways my darling, its time to go home. so imma holla later.

afro darling, i know i avnt come thru but i will, i promise.

i was speaking to one of my customers the other day and she insisted i watch her son on TV today or was it yesterday. i cannot rememeber now but she told me about a month ago, even if am one day off at least i still manage to remember shea? i call that customer relation. apparently her son is supposed to be the strongest man in the whole of the midlands in England and BBC is supposed to air an interview or is it a show show-casing his strenght which may enable him to feature in the world record.

i just checked my diary it was yesterday the 15th oh well. am sure they'll show a re-run or i could just watch BBC Iplayer for the re-run.

abeg i dey go house. not before i get myself two pairs of shoes from the stores though. am off to bask in my excitment, if that makes sense.

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee muahXXX.

Life of a snail...

2008-08-12T04:47:00.004+01:00

Warning! This piece was inspired by …yesterday has gone and sort of a sub story. The piece reflects the life of the snail Celestina had desperately wished for. To really appreciate this, I encourage you to take the time out to visit the story because this piece is basically taken out and expanded.

…

Its hard back refused to absorb the tiny drops of rain

Observed it slowly makes its way from stones to trees

Heavily it breaths, chest on ground, shoulders chipped

The burden has become unbearable

The cold second nature

Even the leaves that so often gave a refuge now become prison

Underneath these supposed leaves of shield lies its death

For unknown forces could settle upon it

Crushing every substantial evidence of its existence

Numerous times this had happened

Just has its sister’s babies were stomped, bulldozing even her in her failed attempt to save their very lives

Slowly, selfless and feeble it makes its way

Towards the rotten wood its place of rest

Relieved that yet another day had gone past sparing its life

Thinking of what tomorrow will entail

Peace and happiness flowing through its mind

But abruptly cut short

As one of the unknown forces stepped on it, crushing everything that made it

And without noticing marched along, hands in pocket, whistling a melody.
…

Note: it so happens we wish to have other people’s life instead of focusing on how to fix our problems, a way of settling for the easy way out I guess. We automatically assume no one else apart from us suffer or have problems and so nurture thoughts wishing for their lives. Unfortunately everyone has one or two issues that trouble them. In this piece I compare the human life to a snail’s life to fully show that not only humans but every living creature has a problem of its own.

FoolyWang

2008-08-04T00:12:00.001+01:00

My Ex is a poof! And I am not just saying that because I want to hate him or because I want to curse him out because he is now my Ex but seriously, my Ex is a poof!!! The greatest one that is and ever will be.

He sent me a text the other day saying:
Yesterday was the lowest point in my life, I don’t know what is wrong with me, my brother and my ex suggested therapy, ive made contact today and should be starting on Wednesday, I’m sorry if I took that out on u but I was out of my mind, I felt suicidal and it disgust me. Again I apologise.

My translation:
Yesterday I was with my girlfriend, she gets insecure when I am on the phone with you, she suggested I cut off all connections with you. I had to cut off the phone when you called on Sunday, I’m sorry I had to send you that text telling you to lose my number, but there was no escape for me. I feel ashamed doing this, but right now, lying is my only way out. Please forgive me.

Y’all know the very funny thing? I was peacefully chatting to friends on yahoo chat when this clown, no, poof decided to send me a message asking where I was going to be for the weekend. I ask him why and apparently his niece goes to uni in the city I live and he was coming over to pick her to his house.

I told him I was busy and not sure if I would be visiting my folks. Anyway somehow he barricaded me into agreeing to see him on Sunday when he comes. I say whatever; to be honest I do not believe anything that comes out of his mouth. For all you know, that entire story was fabricated just to give him a reason to come round mine. I have not seen him for two years, not since we broke it off and was not looking forward to.

Anyway me knowing the liar he is now, I waited till like 9pm on Sunday to call him just to rob in that I knew all that was bull crap. This guy picks up the phone and starts talking like he had a padlock to his mouth. Ignoring all that I ask how come he didn’t come to pick his niece, he gives me a story about her being with his brother, after which the phone mysteriously went off. I call him back, voicemail. I just laughed because knowing the kind of person my Ex is, I knew what was happening so I was not surprised when 30mins after I got this text:

No offence but lose my number
I first laughed and thought this guy has to be on crack

I send a reply saying:
Its either u are chasing ur shadow or it is running after u
Whatever it is you are chained; you, your shadow and you web of lies
That is what is hunting you not me
Your #? Lost
It does me no good
Adieus.

This guy replies saying thanks

I send him another text saying he should thank himself, and that he needs to lie in any well he dug. Also telling him to bounce off my phone.

Am not even joking but I know this guy was definitely trying to prove to some girl that he is too hot and I am bugging him, telling him I love him too much to leave him.

This particular Ex of mine has drama, and seriously, this guy would lie that his mother is about to be beheaded just because. I can’t even go into details with him; if I do I swear you guys would tell me you have never come across anybody of his kind.

I called my friend and give her the gist, she laughed and couldn’t stop laughing, we are use to him and we all swore he was going to call back the next day.
Lo and behold he did with a different number. (he knew I was not going to pick my phone).
Anyways he goes Lighty are you home? Are you home alone? I need to talk to you; can I come see you please?

About coming to see me. Hiss* Why the hell do you wanna come see me for??? Look, a series of text messages was exchanged yesterday what do you wanna come see me for???

Note. This is someone I refused to see for two years ohh, I have not seen him for that long and all of a sudden he wants to know if I am home alone? Oh hell no! Who knows if he wants to come beat me up, abeg I fear first sha.

Anyway he goes I can’t really explain on the phone, I will send you a text, think about it and please call me after, I really need to see you.

Lol! That is the text he sent, the one at the start of the post.

I read it and put my phone back on the table hiss* Drama King. And by the way, the reason he is still lying, is because he claims he doesn’t have a girlfriend and still wants me back. What kind of foolishness. Hiss* again.

…….

On more random matters, I went to the movies with a friend; this guy has the loudest most annoying laugh. I mean he literarily laughs like Santa clause, as in: ho ho ho. Plus he laughs at everything not funny. Apparently he gets it and we don’t, in his own words. I was so pissed off ay. He was lucky I’d seen the movie before that day. Some 2hrs 30mins of bat man and the ho(ing) Santa clause. Phsew…

…moving on, how are you lovies doing??? Am goooooooooooood.

...Yesterday has Gone

2008-07-23T19:53:00.000+01:00

Celestina sat on her front porch watching the rain, first it was pouring down then it starting to drop subtly that if you looked up to the skies it made like little drops of pearls all glittering to the glory of the beautiful afternoon.

Peace of mind was the only thing she lacked at this moment even the rain had failed to console her wounded heart. Being very artistic and interested in life, rain coming down had been a sign that all might go well today has opposed to the last twenty one days.

Normally she was one to object to the fact that even the worse of life’s turmoil could not be viewed positively, for her there was a light even in the darkest of life’s tunnels that would always lead you out. However Celestina sat on her porch today watching a pearl drop from heaven land on a leaf from the mango tree and then drop unto a snail that was happily carrying on with its day duties. The snail did not twitch and if it noticed a drop just landed on it, it paid no attention but carried about its business. Celestina suddenly wished she was that snail, she wished she could take no notice of everything going on but it was too hard to carry on like nothing was happening. The memories of it all flowed in her brain non- stop passing through every nock and cranny of it. She could have almost sworn that she constantly heard her terminated baby cry her name. It was easy for the doctor to try convincing her that it was only a foetus but Celestina knew it wasn’t just a foetus, it was her child.
She loved her husband and she had never felt guiltier killing his child but not to do so would have been the crime she committed, at the rate at which things are going, she has to save all her unborn from him. Either she keeps killing them or leave him alone which is out of the solution.

Her mind drifted to when she was seven in almost the same scenario, only then she was sitting on the porch of her father’s mansion on the lap of her mother watching the rain fall down. Her mother was talking to her, one of the tete a tete they shared once in awhile. She told her of how lucky she was to have Christ in her life, how glorious her future would be, and how brightly the sun shone upon her face making her so noticeable. She had prayed for Celestina, and told her that her blessings would be full and she would have a happy home with a good God fearing husband in the future. Celestina had sucked it all in muttering her Amen that was now defaulted to her lips whenever she heard words of prayer, saying it before even realising it had been said. A few days after that, Celestina’s mother; Agnes, died.

Celestina had married, she had achieved much more than she prayed for and better still, she had married one of the most gorgeous well to do men in the society. Ten years into her marriage she had discovered she was living with two people in the body of one but fear of the truth kept her in this miserable situation. Celestina watched her husband thinking he was un-noticed, sneak into their seven year old daughter’s room every now and then to have sexual intercourse with her, but she had said nothing to date. When her second daughter was seven Celestina could swear he started doing the same to her.

She has never brought herself bold enough to confront him partly because he was perfect in every other way during the day. So she stuck to her self-denial that a man so perfect, so God fearing and peaceful would never do such to his own children. Her heart burned for her girls but she was too into portraying the perfect family to save her own children. That was why twenty one days ago, Celestina walked into doctor Martin’s office for her scheduled termination, and this would become her first solution to resolving her agony. As it is, she already has three children and that would do. Lucky enough for her, the third child is a boy and she knows her husband hasn’t been going into his room. She promised herself that she would rather not bring any more children to the world than make more suffer in the hands of her husband.

The rain had stopped now and the earth smelt so beautifully of fresh rain, Celestina looked at her watch, it was only three o’clock and the driver would soon be back with the children from their different schools, a few more hours and her beloved husband would return too from work. She wiped dry her wet cheeks with the hem of her wrapper and retreated into the house to see if Kofo her maid had finished with lunch.

Looking around her on the wall inside the house, her thirteen year old daughter Anna’s portrait hung with a full bright smile that would light up any room, next to it was nine year old Nneka, light skinned with gap teeth and would have been extremely beautiful but for the huge forehead mounted upon her head. Nevertheless she could be regarded as perfection by any artist with a wild imagination. Junior at six was carbon copy of his father, it was already obvious that he would be tall and would well be the ladies dream in a few years to come was plastered with a goofy smile on his face, his portrait was next to Nneka’s. Celestina looked at her children, her joy and happiness and thought how their lives would have been perfect, how the story in her heart would have been different, how her smile in public would have been genuine not fallacious. She sighed and made her way into the kitchen her huge buttocks following closely behind her.

Illusion

2008-07-18T20:46:00.000+01:00

I opened the door and threw my hands in the air out of frustration. I couldn’t believe it had lingered on this long. What is it that I have done to the world to deserve this? Why in God’s name wouldn’t it stop?

Lately all my questions seem rhetorical, I have suddenly become the only person on the surface of the earth, no; I have become the only person that knows suffering on the surface of the earth.
I opened the box of medicines I keep under my bed about the take my 8th tablet of ibuprofen for the sickness that I am imagining, imagining because I feel so much pain, only I don't know where it hurts but the urge to take the acclaimed strongest painkiller bounces on me like wild fire. Perhaps it would ease my arching imaginations. After taking the tablet I threw myself on the floor in exasperation, why the hell wouldn’t it stop? Am I the only one on the surface of the earth? Why am I punished so?

David and Ola ran into the room and Ola picked me up from the floor and balanced me on the bed. What the hell is wrong with you? What is making you crazy? Are you the first person to smoke marijuana? After all we all smoked it together and now you are behaving like a mad animal. I turned to her sharply; well I wouldn’t be behaving like a mad animal if the world was not against me would I? Ola took a deep breath and asked me to tell her where I got the stupid idea that the world was against me. I shook myself free from her and walked towards David who was standing by the door way. David why is the world against me?
Aghhh!!! I told you before; you are just paranoid, it happens when you smoke weed the first time.
No. no way I am paranoid, didn’t you watch the news? Are you to tell me you didn’t notice how the newscaster was looking at me? The newscaster had that disgusted look on her face like I was not human, like I don’t deserve to be alive. Um… maybe I don’t, is that why I feel so much pain? I feel pain all over.

Ola walked up to us. Hey! Have you been taking those pain killers again? This girl I have told you, before you know it you would drop dead and die if you don’t stop this madness. What is wrong with you sef? In short, let me lock that medicine box away. I looked at Ola and her head started getting smaller and smaller until she was left with the head of a roach on her neck with the two antennals pointing at me. I screamed and dropped to the floor.

I opened my eyes to see six pair of eyes and I screamed again out of fright but it was Gabriel, Ola, David, Chuka, Susan and Folake looking over me. Folake splashed cold water on my already wet face, from the look of things; she had been doing that for a while.
Susan held my hand; oh my God we thought you were going to die and we were so scared, thank God you are alive. Are you ok??? I said I was. I got up from the bed and went straight to the fridge because I needed food so badly and was really thirsty too. They all followed me into the kitchen, staring at me as if I were a ghost.

I looked back at them and asked how long I had been sleeping for and they all replied in chorus; 43 hours.

100% FICTION.

JUST the two of US... YOU and I

2008-07-16T21:46:00.000+01:00

No! Come back here, yeah! Come on, now, look into my eyes. Tell me, what do you see?

I see the reflection of my beautiful appearance.

I am not going to look into your eyes to tell you that you are beautiful. I would look into your eyes and in your eyes I would see me, the beautiful me.

Earlier today in your tan linen shirt and white linen trousers with cute flat leather slippers just like I like, you pulled me into your arms, looked into my eyes, pulled me back and slapped me hard on the cheek. I bruised inside and tighten my eyelids afraid that blood would be what would run from my eyes down my chin. That, I cannot bare for you to see.

Yesterday it was calm, one of the calm times we share together, wrapped up in each other with you beautifully stroking my hair while we flick from Family guy to South park. Well it was that until you got a call from her. Your wife. I already knew not to make any sound because as it is you are meant to be in Beijing.

Last night while I thought we would make love but you my dear started slow and ended with me hurting all over with bruises all over my body. We started like this and I loved you for it. I loved that you are the animal you are but last night I understood why I was bruised, I know I shouldn’t have asked you if you wanted a glass of juice while you were on the phone. Truly I thought you were off the phone, I had no intention interrupting your call, I feel no jealousy for your wife, true saying, I feel sad for her because I know you treat her like you treat me but I know she can’t handle you. I don’t understand why she cannot just let you go, let me have you because I understand you better.

Today I look into your eyes and I tell you I am beautiful, that is what you want to hear, you say you love the combination of my green, purple and red face. You always said you loved the rainbow. I know my colours are not of the rainbow but honey, same difference. I wished so much that it could have been, we could try tonight darling.

Of course honey bun, we could try tonight but unfortunately I have to go back to my wife, she went into labour this morning, I think she is born so I need to go see what I have this time around. If she’s a girl, I would name her after you gorgeous and I would make her my little girl.

NB: This is 100% fictional. I love writing in first person. actually as it is, all my stories are in first person.

1 year on...THE CAGED BIRD.

2008-07-13T19:03:00.000+01:00

One year on blog and I still have not done what I came here for. I have so much bubbling up in me, so many things bottled up. I keep having rants that don’t mean a thing but it’s all fantastic still. Everything’s lesson learned.

Blogville especially has found a way to bring out the truth in people. That which you thought you could hide in pseudonyms alas still shows in between the lines of your words.

Blog for me has been a place where I can be totally free to say anything I really want to say having selfless fun in the process. I try so hard never to get serious on here because people already refer to me has their mother. Funny I know, bottom line in the outside world I am too serious. I have just a few friends that I am really selfless with. But hiding behind the screen and keyboard makes it easy for every one to bring out the silliness in them.

What an irony that we all started on blogger to be free but it has proved to be the other way round. Freedom is so tight in here that it becomes like an airless cage we all struggle to breath in.

What a shame that people you interact with on a friendly fondly level come back as anonymous to bite you in the bum. Now every one of us look behind our shoulders before we write anything down. We all pretend we don’t really care what people think of us but as soon we put our fingers on the keys to type the table turns. The next thing on your mind is wondering which one of these people would come back as an anonymous to spite you. Freedom on blogville is like cinema in prison. Impossible.
Though there is one thing we all cannot bring ourselves to admit, we all refuse to believe that these people we refer to as anonymous are simply bloggers amongst us. Aint it funny? Oh how broken hearted some of us would be if one day blogger broke down and alas the veil hiding all the anonymous is revealed, am sure the names that would come out would be more painful than surprising. It just goes further to say that there are friends and there are a lot of people who claim to be so, that is basic living.

I am thankful because no matter what it is that happens I would rather be quiet than not be true to myself. I have learned so much through the months I have spent on here.

1. You choose who you want to be; you can either be yourself or live someone else's life.
2. Freedom lies within you: you choose to be true to yourself or live for others.
3. Wherever you go, people are all the same: vindictive, spiteful and quick to judge.

This does not depict the fact that there are no good true people, I know a lot of people are really wonderful and beautiful but even amongst roses you have thorns.

Through the months, I have seen how creative people carefully construct their deliveries, how extremely jobless some people can be and how shallow minded people write anonymously. What ever cannot be written in pseudonym is not worth writing at all. (isn't that such an irony as the two live under the same roof?)

However so far, I’ve had smiles, laughs, fun times like the blogville idol (even though sey una no vote for me. I still dey vex sha but in the spirit of honesty, y'all are forgiven) and cries (yes cries! Dear Seun made me cry so hard) on blogville. It has been wonderful to read what people write.

To everyone who have remained true to self. It’s an honour to come in contact with you at all.
To all those who are fonies; are you sure that part is where you want to be?
To the anonymous who think being anonymous make you invincible; that is just clowny and you just beat yourself in your own game because writing in pseudonyms is anonymous in itself.

And so one year on and I cannot bring myself to write what I truly came here for because unconsciously I have become a caged bird.

BLOGVILLE IDOL 2008

2008-07-07T17:58:00.001+01:00

WELL ITS HERE, AND LOOK HOW MUCH FUN WE ARE HAVING ALREADY.

From Abbie's mind blowing voice to 30+'s fantastic intro.

This is the unmissable.

In between all the love. Hey! don't forget to vote Lighty.

Lol!

*************************************************************************************
SO I MADE IT TO THE 2ND ROUND WITH SIX VOTES. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa una no do well oh. Come on people, upon all the charity work i did for all of you, you still passed lighty by???

For those of you who voted, i really appreciate your love. I know it was not clear enough to hear me, but your loyalty to me i cherish. Others who didnt vote, well do not wallow in your guilt, here comes another chance for you to do so. In the morning, naija songs are up and hopefully you would hear me clearly this time round and do wot good people do, VOTE!!!

thanks every1, it has been so much fun so far, and it continues.

N.B: to vote for lighty, how do you want it? In cash or labour? (kishi dey ooo, dont watch that and i cook and clean goooooooooood, as in finger liking stuvvs and spotless apartments). So however we want to make this happen, by force and fire, e go shele. lol!

luv y'all I really do. peace.

*************************************************************************************
For me dear people it is game over. I really appreciate you booting my out oh, y'all did very well, I am happy I did not start the cleaning of houses yet and to those of you who took my money, can I have my money back please? The money was for a purpose; that I win blogville idol, that purpose did not come to pass. So as I carry out my luggage, I need my money for transport. oya give mi my monie.

with all said and done it was mad fun while it lasted. Now am happy the got the promotion of being a judge. he he he he.

ERUPTION

2008-06-23T00:51:00.000+01:00

Deeper, deeper, deeper arghhhh ! Fill me up babbbbbbbbbbbby. Ummm. Yeahhh. I feel your hardness deep inside of me, your, brick body pressing against my soft succulent supple breast, your sweat smoothing our bodies in this celebration of our sexual connection. I have wanted you and you me. And what a blissful wait it had been. Now am here moaning endlessly under your hardness.

You had called me telling me you were coming over just like you always do. You would come over and we would sit in front of the fire, read erotic poetry while feeding each other ice cream and cakes with soft music playing in the background. It had become a ritual like somehow without saying a word for 2months we were carefully and tactically nursing our sexual beast. Feeding it with thick raw sexual fantasies, harshly teasing and driving it to an insane territory where it cannot be contained no more.

Today you came along and just in the middle of our ritual we exploded simultaneously, as if possessed you poured the ice cream down my neck instead of my throat, and in the process tore open my shirt where my ever bouncy breasts were tugging to be freed. My breasts bounced at the intensity and like a command by them you slowly took one of them into your mouth; the left one, a mouth full of it and started to make a circular rotation on my hard erect nipples with your tongue. I tilt my head backwards and make a loud ah sound whilst grabbing hold of your head. You lift up your head and meet my eyes with your hot passion longing eyes, moved closer and engulfed my lips with your thick pillow soft lips. We kiss like we would devour our lips and possibly tear them into shreds. Slowly and ever so passionately you raise up both my legs, your lips still full on mine.

Feet on the ground, knees up, your hand makes its way to my between and at the first contact with my cunt I take a deep breath, you partition my panties and glide a finger into my hole, sliding it in and out in a circular motion. Now am gasping for breath in sweet ecstasy and you respond by sliding two fingers in, pushing them in and out of my honey jar of love. At this point my honey is flowing freely and I beg for you to step into my chambers. Ignoring my plea you pull me up, turn me around unto all fours take off my skirt and pull down my panties. You spread my leg apart and bury your head into my sweet goodness; I moan louder now, head up facing the roof while you eat me out like a hot piece of cake. Your tongue licking my free flowing juices, and sucking me out as if sucking on oranges. Come to think of it, I thought you would suck me into a desert.

You grab my rounded ass and squeeze them, then you slap both cheeks tenderly so they bounce in crazy excitement. You bury your head back into my jar and this time I explode in hot bliss into your mouth, my liquid free flowing and you seeming to love it. I look over my shoulder to meet your eyes, my eyes telling you how sexually savvy you are. I come over to you and take your erect hardness into my hands rubbing it gently and kissing you softly on the lips. You respond breathlessly and motion me down. I peck the tip of your manhood allowing myself build a rapport with it then open my mouth wide enough to accommodate your fullness. With you in my mouth I tighten my lips on your hardness and slid in and out, when I get to the cap of your hardness, I form the habit of caressing it with my tongue then take you full in my month again, slide down, come back up and caress the cap in with my tongue.

You cannot take it anymore so you pick me up and settle me on your hardness, my legs tight around your waist. You back me up the wall and drive me in that position deeply thrusting. I moan and whisper softly in your ears; deeper, deeper, deeper arghhhh! Fill me up babbbbbbbbbbbby. I hear a loud disturbing sound preventing me from concentrating and pulling me away from you. I open my eyes, look at my alarm. Damn! Am late for work. I dash into the bathroom wash up, dress up and rush out the house again for the third time this week.

AT WORK

2008-06-12T18:18:00.000+01:00

Oh this ish is funny i have to share. Am here still at work by the way and am so sorry am hardly even on blogville not to talk of updating. Am too busy, am getting a transfer to another city so i need too much money to move and all that. ummm! the way i perambulate this UK sef! u'll think my father owns the land. i am very well acquitted with 8 cities that is i can take you on a tour in those cities. Dont even ask how many i have visited instead ask how many i haven't visited. ok ok maybe datz exaggerated but u get the gist.

so baroque!!! that reward am i eligible??? (YES? NO? i mean, i found me, don't that count?)

To my 5mins ago gist: was here sitting at my desk tending to customers when this cute sounding bloke comes on, am sure the guy is fit too, from his voice i could tell.

profile
age; 26
occupation: mortgage broker (ummm...)
vehicle (BMW),value (£64,000). (wow! 4 his age the guy is pimping honest).

so i was here flirting my way to his pocket sounding in my sexiest voice and all and believe me, we bonded. well. lol! (i love his pocket and his pocket love me back. ha ha).
only 4 bloke to ask for my name again coz he didnt get it initially.
i tell him Lighty.
bloke: lighty?
me: yeah lighty, still on sexy voice mode.
bloke: oh! my dog's called Lighty.
me: face red, not happy, not amused, not having it. at all.

say i manage my way to bloke's pocket, what are the chances of calling your girl the same name as your dog??? arghh!!! thatz awful.

bloke senses my dissaproval and goes on to say; but 'he's a very beautiful dog and am sure if you are half as beautiful as he is you are a very lucky lady.
argggggggggggggggghhh!!! STOP right there, but i didnt say that tho.
To be honest anyone in his situation would be short of what to say, so i let him off, at least he tried.
we'll be speaking on wednesday, lets see if my surname would be his gold fish's name this time around.
but he sounded real cute tho and for his pocket Lighty can be his zoo's name for all i care.
lolllllllllllllllllll!!!
love u all. fingers crossed i'ld be rolling blogville in no time (i beg u give me 2weeks and u'ld mos def chase me off).

~kisses my pretty pebbles. muah~

The beginning of the End.

2008-05-22T02:03:00.000+01:00

Looks like there has been confusion somewhere, somehow. Just the other day, I was asleep, only to be woken with a touch light full on my face and flashing snappy lights. Ciara, Ciara, someone’s voice I can’t quite make out was screaming from behind the touch light man. I was stunned as to what was going on around me, sat up straight and opened my eyes wide to look around me. Then something changed, I could see smiley faces turn quickly into angry faces. Someone else spoke with anger in her voice. What? It’s not Ciara?

Let me answer that question; No! It’s not Ciara. Ciara use to be a MAN. Now Lighty? Never a man, not a man, never would be a MAN. If you don’t know; Lighty is too Beautiful a woman to be a MAN. Now you know.

This is for those of you still asking that horrible question about my last post. Now you have it. The post is a biography of a friend. Do you have any idea how many times I have had to say that over? Its all love though, I understand most people’s dreams would be shattered if I were to be a MAN and so I can happily say to you; your dreams are intact.

Label: THE ROLLERCOASTER OF AN ALLEGED PLAYER, not lighty’s story, but lighty’s friend’s story that Lighty writes, now get with the program, all clear? Lets move on.

To our feature presentation...

I went back to Steven’s house like I use to and like I said; started the gaming with the new maid. Now this one, this one was hot. I often wondered how she became a maid and to me I saw her getting married one day to some rich bloke that would find her hard to resist but before all that, I was happy preparing his bride for him.

She had no problem with playing our games, I remember how I baptized her with the rules, it was on a Monday evening that day and Steven’s parents were not home. It was a bit difficult at first because after Steven’s mum saw what happened with the me and the other maid, she hired a boy and then decided to take up a girl after some time. So now there were two of them, the boy and the girl and it was mad difficult getting her alone without the boy appearing from somewhere. If you ask me, I would tell you he had the hots for her too.

On this particular day, I guess the boy was busy having a chat with the guard; gate front. The girl was in the kitchen and when I entered she asked if I would like to have something to eat as the food was ready to be served. Nervously I walked up behind her and just stood there, she not knowing what to do just froze and asked why I was standing so close. I responded by sliding my hands under her top, settled it on her firm breasts and squeezed tightly. She did not make a sound, so I guess she wanted it to. I told her to meet me round the back in five. She came around the back in exactly five minutes and the game was on. It was a wild time round that back but ten minutes into it that stupid boy (the butler) came round and just stood over us staring. Caught the second time??? This time I just zipped up my jeans and walked away.

The boy came into the house when I was playing Atari (remember Atari????) with my friend and kept looking at me. This time I didn’t tell Steven what happened, I was tired of getting caught. So I swallowed hard and tried to concentrate on what I was doing. When I could not take it anymore I stood up and walked towards the kitchen and told the boy to come with me. He followed and just then I warned him never to tell a soul of what he saw. He promised not to and from that day he became my look out boy. His way of getting money from me, I didn’t complain.

Things were rosy, I was having free time with the hottie without the fear of being caught just before this happened.

On one of this hottie day, I had sorted out the boy, set up the place, hottie was waiting for me in her room, I went into the room and about to climb on hottie when I heard a male voice that wasn’t the boy’s . My heart was too heavy this time around, where the hell did the boy go? What happened to my look out? It was not Steven, or Steven’s dad, it was Steven’s uncle. He told me to get off the girl and make my way out, shutting the door behind me. I ran out nervously only for me to hear cries from the inside. The maid was screaming and shouting No… in between loud sobs. It dawned on me that I was witnessing a rape situation so I started for the locked door and started banging on it shouting for him to stop and leave her alone. He seemed to go on forever, that made me start to cry, I couldn’t believe I was crying. Steven was not home this particular day. I could not go out for help because I was attached to the situation I just sat on the floor and cried out of guilt. After Steven’s uncle finished with the maid, the boy went in and continued what that foolish uncle started. All I could hear was sobs and I couldn’t do a thing about it.

That day I went home and promised never to go to Steven’s house. I had started something I had no idea how would end, I had caused that girl’s life to be miserable and I hate thinking about it. A month later there was chaos in Steven’s house. It turned out the maid was pregnant. Alas my ordeal was just about to begin, first I couldn’t live with myself, and now the maid was pregnant?

I just kept thinking; would I be the father? Possibly not, I always used a condom, but you just never know. Was it the stupid boy? I doubt if after that day he slept with her but I decided against asking him the question. Steven had traveled abroad and there was no one to give me the low down of what exactly was happening. It turned out that the uncle was responsible and like I dreaded, he had gone back for more and more after that day.

The baby was aborted but Steven’s family had a lot of making up to do to the girl, she lived in the house with them as an adopted child, went to university and married four years ago. I relocated to London till this very day. No one knows about my dealings with the maid but the people who already knew. I only hope her past has not crept into her future. I wish for her the best.

So that’s the maid’s life there, mine continued from where it stopped with too much drama for one person.

Till I return;
Save my spot.
~Peace~

SPOT LIGHT

2008-05-09T18:23:00.000+01:00

It had been sometime now since dad died and although things were not exactly back to normal, we took it one step at a time. I spent most times with my best friend Steven, you know the childhood friend you have in your neighbourhood, the one that tend to live right opposite your house? Yeah! Steven was a friend of the sort, he lived right opposite my house and due to the fact our age ranged the same, we followed one another round the neighbourhood causing mischief. Amongst our many mischievous acts is the games we played with Steven’s maids, one time we were so into one of his maids that we took turns playing with her on occasion. I cant tell you why but it’s just something we did.

At the age of sixteen, guys already know what sex is, we have the continuous urge of fulfilling our sexual appetites but as everyone knows, at that age girls are not ready at least during my time. I can’t talk for girls of today. Today even at the age of 10-11 girls have become sexually active.
So Steven and I needed to quench this fire burning inside of us, or in the case between our thighs and our first stops were with his maids. I spent most of my time having sleepovers at Steven’s house so that wasn’t much of a mission to accomplish. During the day, we spent our time pampering the maid, buying her all sorts like the likes of ‘suya’ (grill steak, garnished and spicy) and cold drinks just to secure our night ventures with her of which she didn’t have a problem fulfilling anyway. This particular maid was about 5-7years older than we were and to be honest, she enjoyed it. Everybody was happy.

On one of our many quests, I ventured to quench my inner fire and decided to have one of my many sleepovers. Steven and I share his room so we agreed on who was to go to the maid first and agreed it to be me as I was horny as a nut basket. I made my way down the stairs, past the corridors and into the maid’s bedroom where she was waiting. I started by caressing her body, rubbing all the succulent pasts I was so eager to touch all through the day, she responded with moans on every contact my fingers made with her body and I was becoming more and more hard for her, almost ready to explode. I pulled her pants down, brought out my private, slide into her juicy hole and the lights came on.

This annoyed me so much and my first thought was of Steven’s inability to maintain patience until I had conquered my quest. I turned with burning eyes towards the now opened door to see Steven’s mum, my private went completely flat and my heart right about jumped into my opened mouth. Slowly I got off the maid, pulled up my trousers and made it to the door. She gave way for me to walk by but asked why I was in the room. I never knew I was a natural stutterer until that day because I stumbled upon my every word so freely you would think there was a Guinness book of record contest on.

I lied that I was going to find the bathroom and mistook the maid’s room for the bathroom because I was half asleep and hastened my steps to Steven’s room. Soon as I got there, Steven stood up and almost started heading for the door when I pulled him back and told him of my misfortune, which made him retrace his steps.

The next day I went back home and trembled at the sound of my name everytime it came out of my mother’s lips but surprising as it is Steven’s mother never let my mum know, however I refused to go back to that house for what seemed like eternity.

I got to know from Steven that his mother told him about what she had seen and he acted as surprised and disappointed as he could manage but in the process convinced her not to tell my mum. When I finally started going back to Steven’s house I must say that we continued what we started with the new maid only this time something changed, something worse than being caught, something that put a capital STOP to my act. No! I didn’t get her pregnant and No! no disease was contacted and Yes! I was fully protected.

Till I return;
~Peace~

6 unspectacular quirks

2008-04-30T00:56:00.000+01:00

Well in my last post I said I was going to write from the rollercoaster of an alleged player, blame JINTA for this cause he decided to tag me. Just when I thought finally I’ve escaped tagging Jinta appeared and played a fast one.

Regular visitors am sure u must have thought u came the wrong way when u appeared on my blog, different template and totally different kind of song playing and the whole dark angel and naked lady silhouette. I really cannot explain it too. I know that lollipop song is one that caught me off guard. I never ever, ever, listen to lil’wayne. I have no idea about any of his other songs but my friend was complaining of how her housemate is using the lollipop song to taunt her and why she doesn’t know what the hype about lollipop is. She came to me the next day and was singing lollipop. Am thinking ok wot happened to lollipop taunting you? She went further to say ‘that song is catchy menh’ am like if you say so. I went home got the song on my phone, listened to it once, said ok, listened to it the second time and I think the beat got to me. It was on repeat all through yesterday. There you have it. To listen to my regulars, just skip it if you’re not a fan. Better still put ur respective PCs on mute.
Right! Let’s get to this

The rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you - Jinta
2. Mention the rules in your blog – here they are. Yeahhhh this one. Arhh wot u r like????
3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours – six, not more. Let me think, do I have up to six??? We’ll see about that.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them – would do, hopefully they have not been tagged yet.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged – ok ok, can I breathe now? Gosh!

1. Unspectacular quirk…. I see all my results in my dream. In full detail too. Whether good or bad. This often happens 2weeks before exam or before results.

2. Be sure I would have a crush on you if I ever find out you have a crush on me even if I have never noticed you before. Guaranteed I’ll start seeing you in a different light. But please don’t make the mistake of taking the crush further because the moment you come up to admit it face-to-face. The crush in me dies. Aint that weird???

3. I cannot sleep at night without having a cup of tea or at least a hot drink, if I don’t I better have a huge jug of water by my bed side; because I am sure to cough throughout the night. Literally cough through the night. Arrghh! Sometimes it really is frustrating, honest.

4. I cannot keep a malice; not because I am a good person or I am nice or anything, cause honestly I am not that nice believe me. I don’t keep malice because; wait for it; I am too proud to keep a malice. I’ll explain myself; I don’t think anyone is worth my time enough to keep me angry. I know, I know, that is really horrible of me to say but it is true. That's exactly how I feel. Am sorry, really, I am.

5. I have a tasteless habit of not keeping in contact with family. I haven’t spoken to 2 of my brothers in like 3weeks, I know you may think 3weeks is not that bad, but they call me almost everyday, not exaggerating. I miss the calls, cause I am either sleeping, or at work, or in the bathroom. And I haven’t picked up my phone to even ring back to say I saw your missed calls. I have had the intention to get a phone card since last week but the hours I live now are weird. I get to sleep at 7am in the morning cos all night I am doing school work or my final project.

6. I often think about myself in the future with my grandchildren, not my children, never my children, always my grandchildren. I don’t know why, I don’t even know who sits down to fantasize about their kids, let alone their grandkids. Boy! I amaze myself sometimes.

And there you have it, I'll be back since I seem to be on blogville so much these days, wonder why.

I tag jaja, atutupoyoyo, bumight, la reine, jaycee, and pink-satin

Don't know wot happened to my lollipop song but here's the video, u can knock urselves out.

Stuck in middle of my crossroad.

2008-04-22T14:23:00.000+01:00

Don’t y’all find the word who’s your daddy during sex utterly disturbing? Isn’t it the sickest ish you ever heard in your life? For starters why would I want to have sex with my daddy, second why should I picture my daddy having sex with me when u are pulling my hair in hot xtacy??? All I can say is y’all have a nasty nasty mind. Lol! (for the randomness).

Sure u’re wondering what came about this mind, I miss love. Damn! I haven’t been in love for what seem like 2years now. HELP!!!!! Am frigging lonely. I never thought ill ever say this, but there you have it, I am shouting it, LIGHTY IS FRIGGING LONELY.

I can’t be bothered to start a relationship with the people asking. They are not my cup of tea, and even loneliness would not claim the better part of me. Can u imagine I almost entered into a long distance relationship because of loneliness? I am talking Nigeria- England kind of relationship. Nahhh menh! Ern ern.

I know you would conveniently say it is not about the distance but the person. Yeah yeah yeah wotever. It is so about the distance, mehn I can’t. Am sorry.

The guy in question is good looking though, got his own business and all and oh so dresses to impress. But along with all this comes his arrogance. That I know am fly and I know you know kind of arrogance. That is one absolute turnoff mehn. I can’t deal with that. But to be fair he’s been on my case for what seem like 4years now though. He was in my Uni before he finished and transported himself to naija to settle into family business. Obviously when he was on my case I had a boyfriend and didn’t even give him the time of day, with his fly self and huge arrogance lol! After I broke it off with my ex. His plea was very much intense and I actually considered a relationship with him then the goat picked himself up and did a marathon all the way to Nigeria. Now he’s back to hunt me again. This time he wants me and long distance. That is 2marks down for the guy. Arrogance and distance.
On the other hand Lighty is in like with someone else. Someone that I don’t think is in like with me though. Now isn’t that a damn shame??? Argh! Life is so funny.

This person I talk to a lot of the time, almost everyday and have shared a few ‘fun’ times with too. Only for him to turn around to say am his good friend. F good friends. The funny thing is in as much as I have a lot of pride and ego. I just can’t get this person off my head. Note; he just might be reading this and I really don’t give a F if he is. I believe my blog is made for my mind and even He wouldn’t stop me from saying exactly what I want.

As I was saying, I really like this person that may be reading this post but does not like me in the way I want, I can’t stop myself from liking him still. Even though I have never told him this, I expect he knows I do.

Damn! I need to fall in love, and I think he is holding me back because 1) I cant like 2 people at the same time, I have a problem doing that and ever since I started rolling round this guy i have refused to like any1 else. 2) I have missed out on 2 of what I presume would have been good relationships.

I am beginning to think maybe I really don’t like him that much, and maybe because I am still trying to figure out why he does not feel a certain way about me, I am so attached to him. So until I get to the bottom of it I am going to be chained to Him. Honestly, sometimes I think I punish myself sef. Thing is I have never had any1 I am close to not like me in that way. I guess there is a start for everything or should I say welcome to the real world Lighty, alas! the world doesn’t revolve round you. Damn! That hurts. Lol.

His excuse is he is not ready for a relationship; my explanation for this is I am not his type of person. But my question is why all this then? I think the phone conversations and visiting should stop because he is really getting in the way of what I am feeling.

I also believe that no matter what, if anyone comes across their kind of person, they would be ready regardless or what do y’all think.

So here I am, stuck in the middle, cant move forward, not ready to pull back, giving guys a hard time and lonely as hell. Damn! Am lonely.

P.S. if you are reading, I really don’t give a shit. I still like you anyway. I have never said this to you before, so there you have it. Prove is prove. Lol!

My next post would be from: THE ROLLERCOASTER OF AN ALLEGED PLAYER. stay tuned.

Unacceptable Ordeal

2008-04-03T21:27:00.000+01:00

Sad story, every time I remember it, it chips the top left corner of my heart. Lol.

Here is the gist.

I think there was something about me in high school that made people automatically think the worst of me. I swear then teachers look at me and just want to give me a whipping. Why? Cause as far as they were concerned I was bad. Not like I made it easy on my self though, my school skirt was short and tight, my school shoes were always high but I was mighty good and clever. I only wish they gave themselves time out to know me before head-on judging me.

An incident occurred one day. A terrible, terrible one. It was a week after mid-term break of my last year in high school. My friends had spent the short holiday in my home but we decided to stay a week longer just so we didn’t have to sneak out of school to attend a party we were dying to attend. It was either staying home the extra week or not going to the party at all. Sneaking out of school was one thing I never saw myself doing even though I had friends who went clubbing frequently and didn’t seem to have a problem with sneaking out. I on the other hand was extremely grounded and too deciplined for all that.

Getting to school there was a meeting in the main hall of for final year students and all the teachers and soldiers (in case u do not know, I went to a military high school) seem to be there. Unfortunately one of the girls (C) that went home with me had a brother in the same year, the other (L)’s father was a teacher. Apparently, L told her father she was spending the holidays at C’s house because L and I lived in the same city, it would have been pointless saying she was coming to mine. Now because C’s bother arrived school a week before C and L, it was chaos in school with L’s father worried has to where his daughter had spent the mid-term break. So as soon as we arrived, there were messages waiting.

We were summoned to the teachers department by my English teacher, and she took it upon herself to do the questioning. At some point during the holidays, she had waved at me from a moving car while I was with a friend in front of my friend’s house. At another point, she had walked passed my house with me standing in front of the gate with my bothers and 3 of my bothers’ friends (six guys in total) and we had a little chat on how the holiday was going.

Would you believe the heifer after this took it on herself to say she had seen me with my friend wearing a micro- mini skirt and an extreme low cut top? What a huge lie. I was bewildered because 1) I didn’t have a micro mini skirt and even if I did I was never going to wear it to my friend’s house, for her father is a pastor and they don’t even wear trousers in that house, let alone mini skirts. 2). my skirt was below knee length and my top covered every inch of my upper body. 3) I had no idea why on earth she was lying.

The idiot didn’t stop there? She went on to say I was prostituting and that she had seen me with guys in front of a house, she said there were about 11 guys. At this point I was weak. I actually spoke, told her that she knew they were six guys and that half of them were my brothers. This woman went further to say she knew my brothers but that on the day, none of them was there.
She said she knew I had a boyfriend and she wants me to give his name. This was before I had a boyfriend (B) and prior to B I had never been in any form or sort of relationship at all. So I was oblivious to what she was saying. She started whipping me and slapping my cheeks telling me to give her my boyfriend’s name. I told her except she wants me to make up a name, I had no boyfriend.

As her mission was not yet accomplished, she looked around and told the other teachers that it was such a shame I didn’t have a boyfriend, what a pity that in all the guys that use me, none of them was happy enough to make me his girlfriend. The others opened their mouths and one of them said ‘oh my God; so u mean they use u and dump u?’ u wouldn’t believe what happened next. All the female teachers started to cry, they said they were crying for me and asking why a beautiful intelligent girl like me let men take advantage of me like that? They cried because they said the world is such a cruel, cruel place. They cried because they said they wonder how my future was going to turn out with me being a disaster at such a tender age. So I decided to break down and cry with them. I cried because I wanted God to answer my prayers of not prospering any of them in life. I cried because I could see them bear pain all through their remaining years in life. I cried because all their daughters would be used and dumped in the future.

After an hour of interrogation and serious tears in the teachers department, they let me go and do u know that through all of this no one paid attention to L and C? Absolutely unbelievable.
It turned out that L’s father didn’t have a problem with her spending time at my house or coming into school a week late, because there was no teaching that week for some strange reason. Although he was angry with her for not letting him know and getting him worried.

After the ordeal, that stupid English teacher had the audacity to enter me into a nationwide poetry competition. Idiot, idiot, stupid idiot. I gave her the nastiest piece of art imaginable; I just couldn’t be bothered with. At the time, I wasn’t thinking about myself. Too bad.

I don’t think I can ever forget that day of my life, my meeting with a bunch of useless haggard looking fools.

When a good girl goes bad. It might be for a season not forever.

2008-03-12T23:06:00.000Z

I wasn’t lonely, nor heartbroken, nor insecure. I was angry, very annoyed and even though I don’t believe cheating was the way forward it in some way calmed me down.
I know what you all thinking, how could cheating calm me down? It subdued my anger in some very funny way. But you know what they say right? Once you cheat with some person you end up finding yourself in the same position with that person.

Yes I had a boyfriend, yes I loved him pieces, yes I was very able to separate my cheating life from my loved up relationship, and yes I find it weird myself.
Yes he was in a relationship, yes he knew I was in one too, yes we shared each other’s relationship problems, yes we were mighty good friends, yes his girlfriend knew me; in actual fact she grew to love me even though she met me through her boyfriend.

Of course I felt guilty, guilty with the fact this girl trusted me, and angry with the guy for cheating on someone you say you love so much.
I asked him constantly why he was cheating, and he had no valuable response, only that he was some what attracted to me. I asked him if he was aware I didn’t see him in that light; if he knew I would not leave my boyfriend to be with him, if he knew that even if he decided to leave his girlfriend it wouldn’t be to start a relationship with me.

He went crazy, I asked him why he was so crazy, he told me I cut him deep, he told me he just couldn’t believe I had no feelings for him on that level. I told him it might sound harsh but I didn’t. I told him I see him as a brother, but with the occasional filling up when necessary. He told me I was talking crazy, I told him I really didn’t care if I was. It was what it was.

I hung out with his girl whenever she was in town, we went shopping together, theatres, cinemas and occasional eat ins’. He introduced me as his kid sister; I shook my head and called him a bastard in my mind. I hated him for doing this to her. I felt disgusted for betraying her so.

My boyfriend was acting dumb, working all the time, snapping every now and then constantly, constantly got jealous whenever I told him I was with friends. He would go into a rage and feel sorry all at once and blamed it on the hard work and how he had no life but I was enjoying mine. Well that aint my fault is it? I sincerely believed he sensed I was cheating, knew something was going on but just could not put his finger on it. Why? I constantly answered his calls, I showed nothing but love because I genuily loved him anyway. If he called me 18 times a day, I pick up 18 times a day regardless. The other guy was jealous, I couldn’t understand why. I mean that wasn’t the plan, well there was no plan.

I met guy through a friend, he just moved into my town for educational purposes, I thought him attractive, it was in his house. My friend said she was going visiting a friend and said to tag along. There were his other friends too, we had a steamy conversation about relationships, they thought me clever, I was youngest in the group and they wouldn’t believe my age. We all became friends, with all of them but him, I was closer too. We started visiting each other, we laughed togehter, we listened to music together, we had the same taste in music, he was witty, he was handsome but I didn’t see me with him though. He wasn’t for me at all.

I had not spoken to my boyfriend for 2days he calls me and starts with a non-chalant attitude, and his constant nagging and beating around the bush kind of ish. Guy invited me to his place for sleep over, guy has been asking me for this in the last week but I turned him down. Why did I do that? He slept at mine? Just the other day guy and I were having a sleep over at mine when I had one steamy argument with my boyfriend, it ended with me crying into guy’s cuddle and we slept off. So on this day guy asked for me to have a sleep over at his I couldn’t turn it down, I thought that’s what friendship’s for, I had to return the now regular sleep overs guy bestowed on me.

I was in guys’ house, we watched a movie, we ordered Chinese, we dimmed the lights, there was soft music playing, I turned my back, I was horny, I was mad cos I was horny, I was mad at my boyfriend cos if not for his stupid acts I would not have run into guy’s arms, I was mad cos I needed guy to touch me so bad and angry because I felt that way. Guy touched me, and waited, I did not resist. First it were my thighs, then my tummy, then my left breast, then tightens my left nipples in between his fingers, I liked it and that was all it took.

So guy and I started this, but we never talked about it, it was great, I loved to tease, he liked the chase, so it was mad, he would chase for thirty minutes sometimes before I would eventually give in, I knew I was gonna give in, I loved it when he begged for it, but I loved my boyfriend more and I blamed him for this.

So now guy wanted feelings attached, that I couldn’t do, I didn’t even bother trying, I wanted it to go no where, I wanted my boyfriend to come to his senses, I never talked about me and guy, except to my best friend, I told myself I wasn't doing anything with guy, I convinced myself nothing ever happened, I believed it, I guess that was how I managed to pull it off. It was getting too crazy for me, the sex was hot like fire, more like fireworks, no more like volcano eruptions.

Guy seemed like he was genuinely falling for me, he loved to take pictures of me, he was obsessed with me, his girlfriend got angry with him one day, and told him to delete all my pictures off his laptop, her reason; he had more pictures of me than her, I guess that’s a good enough reason. I stopped answering guys calls, I stopped seeing guy, I was more concerned with her than him, I didn’t want to hurt her, cos I know how it’ll be if someone tried to take my man from me, more so, I didn’t even want her man.

Guy went crazy, I ignored him, He came knocking on my door, I didn’t open, he came another time at 2.30am to knock on my door, still I ignored him, I wasn’t going to have anything to do with him. Then my boyfriend started cheating, female intuition, so I let guy back into my world just for payback. Was on it with guy when I confronted my boyfriend, I was with guy when I got my boyfriend to confess, still was with guy when I left my boyfriend, in fact I was with guy until guy left town. Then I deleted every contact I had with guy. I wished guy a happy life.

I chatted with guy the other day he told me to send my pictures; I said no. He asked if I’ve changed my number; I said yes. He asked if he could have my new number; I said no. I asked him when he was to get married; he didn’t respond. He said he hated it when I talked about that part of his life; I said well it is your life what you gonna do? He said if I would take him he would break up his relationship; I said I wouldn’t. He asked if I hated him that much; I said I didn’t hate him and I had to go. Msn; logged off 2:35am 06.04.06. I am never cheating again.

AND so.. IT began.

2008-02-26T17:16:00.000Z

Dad has ten kids, a total of five women, my mum, the last and the legal one. You see the rest of the women, call them concubines. The first had five boys, the second had a boy and a girl, the third had a boy, forth one a girl, and my mother had me.
As far as I can remember, mum was the only wife and the only one who lived in our house with all the kids. We grew up in a twin duplet with my dad and his twin brother who has eleven kids combined with my nine siblings.

It happened on a Sunday, dad was to go to his farm filled with animals of all kinds and aside from his farm he also had a sculpturing company he managed with his brother. My mum, sister and nephew were to go with him. I had just come for the holidays having always been in boarding school, I remember it was the Easter break. We set off to the farm an hour from home, I was thirteen. Getting there the state of the farm was a sight and dad was not happy, the grasses over grown with weed everywhere. Dad decided to take the job upon him to clear up the place because he was so angry the workers had not done their job. I, excited to do the job with dad joined in but dad said not to bother he would do it himself, his excuse; I was too young. Twenty minutes into the job, he started complaining of a headache and my mum told him to take a seat but he felt worse and we had to leave, he got cranky and started to argue with mum and whenever this happens I cry making this day no different. We got home watched the football match that was on and went to bed.

That was the last I saw of dad that day. I woke up the following morning to go see dad but the door was locked I went round the back to peek through his windows but saw no one except red stains all over dad’s white vest hanging on the door handle so I ran to my siblings to ask what had happened and if they had seen dad and mum but no one had.
Mum came home around mid-day to get dad a change of clothes apparently he had been coughing blood all night however unfortunately I couldn’t visit dad at the hospital because I was due to go back to boarding school.

It was on a bright Sunday after, day of good food in school, jollof rice and the rest. Yummy I was looking forward, skipping away to the dinner hall with friends a can of sardine in my hand, when someone ran up with news that my family was waiting for me at my guardian’s house, a surprise to me as I wasn’t expecting anybody so soon having barely just left home a week ago, I decided to think the worst. Getting to my guardian's house I saw her outside her door talking to one of my uncles and in the process wiping what I thought was tears off her eyes as I approach she composed herself like it was nothing. My uncle made me relieved by saying I was to go home for a thanksgiving for dad’s recovery, I was told to pack up my school uniform because I was coming back to school the following morning. Excited as I was, I gave the can of sardine I was holding to a friend.

In the car were two of my cousins, Remi whose school was thirty minutes away from mine and Tola her older sister. Remi told me she had seen Tola cut up a black string attached to her wrist when she was approaching, a traditional form of mourning. I thought to myself what I would do if dad were to be dead, I thought I would cry my eyes out but there was a voice that said to me I would have to take it as a man. The thought quickly left my head and suddenly I couldn’t wait to give dad a big fat huge happy for his recovery. The journey on the other hand was too artificial; too much to eat, too much to drink, extremely unusual coupled with an awkward atmosphere. We got closer to home and drove in high speed past dad’s sculpturing company, I found that very peculiar because I could see posters and dad being into politics my question was why dad was already contesting when he has just recovered. My mission was to take it up with him when I get home.

We got to the house and I could see some relatives I hadn’t seen in what seemed like forever standing on the balcony, I turned to Remi and told to her that we only see these relatives when there was a party going on, how come they never visit on a normal day?
I looked up towards the gate and on it was a huge obituary poster of my dad on the right and R.I.P written in bold on the left, just then Remi burst into tears, I; was in shock, Tola held me tight in tears but told me not to cry. We came out of the car; I went past the crying relatives and made my way straight into my mother’s room. She was dressed in black, all black. She gave me a big huge and whispered into my ears; don’t worry my son, God be with us.

It occurred to me then that dad was dead and every other thing added up. This seem to be the true start of my life, a passageway to the man I have become today.

N.B: This is neither fiction nor imaginary, it is the biography of a friend who is not into writing but have long wanted to share his experiences with the help of someone who would take up the assignment. Hence it being on my blog.
So in between my post, this might come up, just so you are aware. Hopefully I dont get carried away with writing his story.

LESSONS.

2008-02-20T18:16:00.000Z

So am sitting here, in the library trying to do some work for my dissertation, bored as hell because the electronic journal system is not responding and tired too. For some reason the back of my body is throbbing, all the way from the back of my neck to the back of my ankles. Strange because I cannot remember exercising but then MIMI was thinking it might be because I was brisk walking 2days ago, anyway that be that.
Sitting here just looking for what to do got me thinking on my educational life, isn’t it coincidental that most lessons learned in life are actually learned in school? You learnt to be smart, lie, be moral, be conniving, bitchy, selfish, delirious, hilarious, hardworking, good citizen and that some people are just messed up in the brain.

Talking about people being messed up in the brain, it’s just a pity that Nigeria allows that, I mean it’s totally safe to be a downright paedophile. I remember once in primary school, primary 2 precisely I had just changed schools because I moved from the south of Nigerian to the east I think. If my geography is correct of which I doubt but that’s beside the point. So it was new environment, new school, new uniform and new I don’t care attitude. I hate not knowing people, it could be really daunting for me, it weighs me down and turns me into a complete shy rabbit of which amongst friends I am not. Problem is I don’t make friends easy, I would say am too picky when it comes to friends, one of my flaws, call me shallow I sincerely agree. Sorry.

Well I noticed that a group of girls always rally round the teacher’s desk and I noticed they were the beautiful girls in class; all of them had something in common; maturing at 160kph speed rate. I was about 7 and am sure most of them were about the same age as me. Thing is everyone in class somehow knew what was going on although I was oblivious to whatever it was. I just could not wait for closing time each day, for the first year in that school that is the whole of primary 2, I had no friends, not one. Lol, how sad, I just couldn’t be bothered.

Well so there was this maths test we had and the books as normal were supposed to be distributed by either the class captain or the teacher, every1 got their books back except me. I lifted up my hand to alert the teacher of this strange happening his response was for me to come over he would like for me to go through the test with him
Already the peculiar girls were batting their eyelashes at me but like I always do I totally pushed them to the back of my mind, I just could not be bothered. There I was with the teacher, he was marking my maths test with me of which I considered weird. Next thing I knew I felt his fingers slide my panties to one side. I was shocked. 1) Because I couldn’t comprehend how he raised up my skirt without me being aware and 2) I was confused about why his fingers would be sliding my panties. This was primary 2 remember? I was 7 and he was my class teacher. I quickly slapped on his hand, pushed my skirt down, left my book and ran to my sit. Guess what he had to say? He looked at the peculiar girls with a smirk on his face and said isn’t she strange? They all nodded in accordance to his statement.

When I got back to my sit, the girl beside me patted me on the shoulder and told me I did well, he does that to all the girls round his table, in her particular words, ‘they are all silly girls’
I did not report the issue; I was too scared and shy. He didn’t try it with me after that time but the other peculiar girls still rallied round his table. The psychotic bastard!

Primary school lesson learned: some men are extremely messed up in the brain and would go to any length to satisfy their sexual orgies. What a lesson to learn at such a young age even though it was equivocal then, it was still something to ponder on.

Ah ha. The electronic journal thingy is working now, am going back to work. Will be back with school experiences. Laterz.

My Apologies...

2008-02-08T11:48:00.000Z

Yes! i know i know, i have been a terrible blogger lately, but ive got a good excuse. my laptop is pissing me off so much i dont even want to touch it, i cant even be bothered to take it for repair and i want no computer other than the vaio cr series. so am saving.

that stupid laptop of mine has problems, the thing goes off just like that while am using it, it runs serious temperature as well forcing me to do my dissertation at the library and go on the internet on my phone even when i am at home, which is really annoying. so bear with me lovely people. ill be with you soon as can be.

love u lot loads.
signed LIGHTY.(100%).

A SHRINK'S OBSERVATION.

2008-01-10T18:04:00.000Z

My role: a psycho-analyst, analysing your situation. take note, everyword written is total role play, i dont want any of you taking things personal ok loves?
for those of you mentioned in this post, u can leave ur comments following ur reply. if u're new on the matter u could comment on the previous post, and ill edit this for you posting my observation on how u're handling matters. hope that works for everybody. lets get this ball rolling. (by the way thx to kitty-catwalq for the idea of posting replies, fantastic stuff).

@ zephi... u'll run far far away? r u sure thats a good idea? cos u know u cant hide from this kind of stuff, not @ this age. think of all the betraying years you've grown into, just to hear this. i agree its gross. extremely bizarre, more bizarre than gross. so are u gonna be running into the woods with little red riding hood? i suggest u come down that tree and face the matter.

@LMM... hate is such a strong word u know that right? although it was sick for father to av done this, but how about mum loving it and actually marrying him? wouldnt u think she was probably hypnotized or sumn'? maybe she still is. whatever it is, u av to forgive 70*7 times. on that note see me next week.

@afrobabe... thatz all? darling, u av to let it out, surely keeping things in would one day burst out. i know u're feeling something, tell me what it is, what exactly do u feel, release urself.

@don... dats a good start; to ask. mom would still be mom? come on don, the sicko married her father surely u av sumthing to say than mum would still be mom? or r u and mum...? no no surely that can never be. i hope not. well the next time you come for ur session, i hope you have more to same concerning your intake with what you really feel about mum.

@unnaked soul... u do know drinking would only drive u 6feet under in this situation, coz u might not have the courage to stop. as for the ganj u'll blow ur head out.
so now u're telling me that this has happened and all u can think of is making money? guiness book of record, i mean come on boy. who does that?
as for the psych test, i run that not you. so here is what you would do, next session i want u to have a list of what you really feel and what exactly you would do. ok? thank you, ur meeting is now over.

@naapali... absolutely a way forward, i hope they understand what mess you are really in and open their hearts to you. cos for all you know they just might not want anything to do with that lineage, judging from the fact they av never seen u or asked to speak to u or meet up. i wish you all the best, fingers crossed it would go smooth. good luck

and you have something in mind you want to say? it would speed the healing process, trust me. so what do you say? see you next session? yes? no?

@DL... absolutely, and they fucked u up in the process. what would u do about that? think about it. and come back to me.

@Ugo... nope! its a scenerio. is it for u? (lol, no mind me, am still in role play).

a bit too late for that now, u know already. so what u saying? u just might end up in a mental hospital? i can understand that. but wouldnt u like to book another session so we can talk things through before u finally go wild on insanity?

@QOMC... i agree with you, this is absolute shit in the real sense of the word. disgusting, i wish u all the strenght meeting your family, hope they agree to see you. a good thing you're remaining sane. you didnt say anything about contacting ur parents/grandpa. so u're just gonna forget about them?

for ur wedding, would u rent parents or????

@30+... and where would that leave you? on a regular to my office or are u gonna go for cleansing???

happy new year to u too sister mi.

@guerreiranigeriana... right! i guess by writing them letters for money u're still accepting them as ur parents. literarily they are anyway. a good thing u're not in denial. looks like i wouldnt be making money from u, judging from the fact you just might never come back for more sessions. on the other hand thinking money in this situation is u making reasons for urself like this matter never arose in the first instance, stop holding back. come back next week 4pm.

and guerreiranigeriana... dont forget, next week 4pm. ok? ill be waiting.

@ isi... in other words you are just going to pretend like you didnt here what ur parents/grandpa had to say and go back to bed shea?

well when u wake, ill be standing in front of your door staring into ur eyes until u let it all out. am guesiing u're gonna be sobbing or probabbly run out the house with ur nighty and no slippers.

@toyintomato... so u're telling me u've just been told this and u are willing to live life as normal? no no nope young miss. thats the first stage of denial, its either u tell me wot u av in store for those two; because i can see through u, u look like u've planned to burn the house down. now unless u pour out ur heart to me, i am afraid u are not leaving my office.

@baroque... and after u stone them to death, where does that leave u? remember killing them doesnt change the fact of how u came into the world. i suggest u sleep for 2days straight, wake up and book an appointment with my secretary.

@darkelcee... u cannot run forever. there is no place to hide remember? come into my office, its ok, u av nothing to fear, am ur friend. now tell me, how do u feel?

On that note my fellow clients, ur sessions are booked, ill see u next week. b4 then give me a brief on how far u're coping.

WHAT WULD U DO? I (DADDY GRANDPA)

2008-01-01T19:18:00.000Z

So? It’s the new years again right? Good. I know what you are all thinking. New year means new decisions, targets, goals and everything that follows along that line of strenuous-ness with fulfilling your dreams. Here is what am saying, I wish you all the best of whatever you wish for. Miracles and blessings darlings, and kisses too.

Well I have decided this year to start a series called ‘what would you do’? So you beautiful people can always have something new to read whenever you come round. Kind of like a skit in between my diary updates when nothing interesting is going on in my life, I will give you something to ponder upon. Orite?

Here’s the first one.

What would you do?

If you were sat down by your parents and informed that in true fact, your father is your grandfather as well. They both started this ludicrous liaison when your mother was eight, and instead of your mother to feel disgust and hate towards your father/grandfather like most normal people would do, she loved him, and would do every and anything to satisfy him including agree to marry him and have you,

Obviously now it's all clear to you why you have never seen your cousins, you don’t know of any blood tied aunties and uncles and both your maternal and paternal grandparents died before you were born.

It comes clear why mum has so much respect for dad and why he is way older to. She doesn’t argue with him, she does everything he says and he treats her just like he treats you.

When last two years you stumbled on mum talking to someone on the phone and she used the word ‘sister’, when you asked she told you it was a nun on the phone, one she used to know a long time ago. It felt strange because you were sure of what you heard, it couldn’t have been just a nun, it was well personal, she talked to the person on the receiving end as being the only sister she had and why nobody is acquiescent with the fact that she loves dad very dearly. You could have sworn your grandparents were not alive, so who was mum referring to? Well she managed to soothe the turbulence in your temperamental soul, so you forgot about it.

but now this is it, mum and dad sorry granddad, no, dad-granddad, oh granddad dad arrrh! whatever; are sitting staring at you waiting for you to speak.

Go on darling, what do you say? Speak.

8 things that could officially make me a weirdo.

2007-12-16T13:22:00.000Z

Imagine how busy i have been, it took me almost a week to post this. i started by writing one at a time until i finished 5days after i started. This is serious. some1 please help i need ideas for dessertation anyone? (what do you know about globalisation and UK trade market? i cannot narrow it down and am sweating. i need a target point, otherwise i might have to change my topic altogether, that would cut like a knife after all these research).

Finally anyway here it is;

Written, Stamped, Signed, Approved and Tossed ur way

i laugh to relieve tension and any sort of confronting emotions.

say some1 is in a rage with me and attacking me on the aspect, i start to laugh, very annoying i know. but as every1 says now, its not you its me. lol! that line is the perfect shut up line.

i talk to myself on a regular

conversations, question and answer sessions, arguments, confrontations, everthing u can imagine, i even rebel against myself, just to make my alter ego get the point. it's so bad sometimes that i put on my ear piece so on-lookers would think am talking on the phone. lol! i know, horrible shea? but i really enjoy it.

i sing alot.

on the road, at work, on the train, on the tube, in the bathroom. and trust me, i dont have the best voice but i just love me some singing. reason why i love musicals; so i can sing along, and why i cant do without a music player. dont sit beside me on the train if u dont like people who hum to whatever they are listening to.

music is my fix

u'll see me having a dancing fit with any song i consider good enough to move to, on the road i shake side to side in what i consider an un-noticed way, am sure u'll notice. never try surprise hook up with me at a bus stop, ill surprise u if am alone, u just might find me grooving away. lol. most of all, i bounce alot in the car, like a little spoit brat. ha, sometimes i tire myself, honestly i dont know what ill ever do without me though.

i stand infront of my mirror naked

every morning when i wake, i take off my pj's or nitey and stand in front of the mirror, when am in my bedroom alone that is. so dont think u'll be seeing me naked if u come spend the night. sorry, that wouldnt happen.

i am a sucker for books.

i love reading, novels, manuals, intructions, everything. ill get a new phone and read every single little booklet that comes with it, or buy cereal and read every writing on the box. i guess thats how i successfully set up a glass dining table and 4 leather chairs i bought my mum from argos for her 50th almost 2years ago, that took me like the whole day. my mother was so amazed, and no mistakes were made too.

i have also formed an habit of buying two books every month; like i pay my rent, phone bill, card bills, cable bill and whs bill for 2 books lol. as much as i love reading books, i hate love stories i cannot stand reading a book based on love. yuck! mills and boon pure trash, i've read two my whole life, absolute waste of my time, i wish i could actually have the times i spent reading them back. in as much as i love reading, when it comes to studying, am a lazy bugger! thatz my weakness, i find it really weird.

i am terrible at keeping records

here is the thing, you take me to a restaurant and believe me, by the next day i dont know what area it was in or what the restaurant's name is called, i just know i had a good meal. this happens all time especially when some1 takes me on a night out, my friends get so pissed off with me cos i come back to talk about how lovely the bar or club was but never remember what location or name it is. all i need is my mobile phone and bank card and i believe i can follow you to the ends of the world and come back home in one piece, by His grace.

i lost 3 ipods, a psp and a mobile phone all in one year.

tell me that aint weird? trust me, am extremely careful i dont know how i managed that? now i have gotten the gist, there's an ipod karma working against me. am totally on mobile walkman now. my house mate who loves morning sleep ran down the stairs from sleep one morning on my way out to work because i told him the night before that ill be borrowing his ipod. guess wot he came to say? he went lighty, with sleepy eyes and all, please i beg u, dont lose my ipod, please please please be extremely careful with it, and bring it back home. how embarassing is that? he could lend me his life and not worry about me losing it, because he'ld be sure i wouldnt but with ipods? *shaking my head* different story. Sorry apple that product is not just made for me, OBVIOUSLY. as for the psp and mobile phone, total fluke! it just so happened.

$h£&$pa^kl*

2007-12-13T19:55:00.000Z

So long it has been with me and blogville but never mind people I have just been busy. Hail and hearty though, plus my birthday was last saturday, wish me a belated one.

Down to this.

I went for this get together one of my male friends invited me to, it was full of young black and sexy people, beautiful faces, smily and happy. umm I wonder what makes so many people all happy at the same time. Am guessing it was the alcoholic drinks though cause that kind of excitement was far far beyond me.

AJ the friend that took me to this get together warned me about some guy chilling on our far right; keep away from that nigger, in his exact words and before I could even ask why he made his way to say wotzup to some prettygirllies in corset tops.

So there was me sipping on the champagne some guy poured me and thinking to myself when we gonna start making it home, not that I wasnt enjoying the party or nothing, it was full of cool people I presume but with no one I knew. In my thinking someone tugged me from behind, it was that nigger on the far right, I didnt even notice him making his way, this guy was so irrestibly cute. umm so cute I thought Ill melt into his eyes alone, kind of reminded me of Scofields eyes, some fine boy like that. If not for what AJ said earlier, I was ready to start my great rapport skills with him.

Am AY he said (trust me, its not AYO incase u started thinking that. AY is the combination of his first and last name). Well am lighty then, lighty kopearl LK lol! um lighty kopearl? he asked, looking at me with curious eyes. Yeah whatever, the guy was already pissing me off sef. I was about to walk away from him when he told me he was a good dancer and would like to show me his skills on the dance floor. Shea I like dancing now, I followed him to the middle where it was already noted to be the dance floor.

Imagine this idiot boy ohh, the energy he used in grabbing my butt was outta this world, I was more shocked than embarassed but his grip was too strong on me. I bagan to shake like a jelly fish, trying to break myself free, but his grin was extremely evil extra extra evil. Before I knew what was going on AJ came in and landed a punch on AY's face, AY broke me free and staggered all at the same time. In what seemed like a minute he threw a punch back at AJ that caused him a nose bleed. At this point, I was so confused on what to do, a couple of guys held AY has it looked like he was about to do something else.

AJ grabbed me and we left the place, I was so sorry for him and sad because he warned me about the silly surd, but then what would I have done? The guy looked decent at first, I thought AJ was being over protective, maybe cause the guy is cute and he thought I would probably be too happy to mingle with him but heyyy! am sorryyyy AJ about your broken nose, dont sue me. as for the knuckle headed roughian AY bugger off. U silly salami.

Well I helped AJ in dressing his nose when we reached his house and *cough* you would never guess what happened, he kissed me. This is serious, I mean AJ is fine and all but ehn I kind of see him more as a brother and this kissing thing made me extremely uncomfortable. I told him, he shouldnt have, and the look on his face was like someone gave him another punch that blew off his ears. Even with that, we managed to watch a movie and listen to some of the new songs on his playlist. He actually introduced me to AYO's down on my knees, one of the songs on my playlist, never heard of her till then. she's really good I think plus the girl is Naija, I couldnt believe it.

As for now things are cool with AJ and I but is it me or is he looking at me in that kind of way guys look at girls when they are attracted to them? Whatever! I think i'll have to shove the thought down, all the way to the back of me head.

Blogville, am sorry, I've been mad busy and still would be till like middle of febuary.

NB: That guy I blogged about thinking I could have a relationship with, if you remember that is. It turns out I cant. Infact I've kicked him to the kerb already and that one is a story for a another day. He had a twitch I just cant deal with and am not even ready to start trying this early. so, there.

30 DAYS OF THANKSGIVING. DAY 20.

2007-11-25T07:02:00.001Z

Join me in the Thankfulness Chain....if you've been tagged, please complete the tag on the assigned dayexample... if you're tagged for November 20... that is day 20 and you should title your post 30 Days of Thankfulness 2 - Day 20provide a link to the person that tagged you previouslyAlso provide a link to the two people that you're tagging for the next day so we can all follow the chain... DO let them know they're being tagged.. why they're being tagged, and how to grow the chainif you're unable to do the tag on your assigned day... still choose the day to reflect the date you do it (if you're choosing not to back date it) ...example... if you're tagged for November 25 but dont get to do it till November 27... and you're not back dating.. it's okay to do it as Day 27 you can post these rules or something to this effect to help it along.. :-) (From Diamond)

I WAS TAGGED BY LAST KING OF SCOTLAND, 30+ AND OLAMILD.

I give thanks to God for after three boys HE finally granted my family's wish and blessed them with one beige colored looking girl, guess who? MEEEEE!

I thank God for through the years I have not seen suffering and he has always swiped me dry after the rain.

I thank God for the few friends I have, because they; I can truly call friends

I thank God for the confidence in me, that which has taken me places.

I thank God for up coming close friends, with them I know I can lift up my face and smile.

I thank God for the whistles on the street, even though that is really rude, it only means he's work is beautiful.

I thank God for always watching my back and lifting me up when I need to be lifted

I thank God for good music, its my drug, my daily dose of living.

Thank God for high fashion and couture, what could be better?

Thank God for that spirit in me, that gives me the bad vibe radar (rings the alarm; you are now stepping into a foolish territory, use your head and step outside the line, I repeat place both legs outside of the line).

Thank God that I have never suffered the loss of a loved one, every one is safe and kicking.

I thank God for blog, it brings out my free spirit. (singing: am like a bird I will only fly away. but I know where my soul is and I know where my home is.).

Thank God for the love that surrounds me from family and friends

Thank you for my mother who if does not hear my voice for 2days in a row, we argue for 15mins based on why my love is fading (seriously mum, you call like 3times a day, 2days isnt that bad, remember my mailbox is full of your voice messages too? what chance do I have in calling you? you've taken it all from me. I love you really, I do but don't always make the first thing you say 'where are you'? whenever you call. like I would be somewhere in a cave, eating corn on a cob with Osama and discussing what we make of the foot and mouth disease).

oh yeah! cannot forget this, Thank you dear God, for my Husband. the loving, caring, understanding, grounded, respectable fun-loving and most of all God fearing good looking man. I know I have not met him yet. maybe I have and don't know it. but you know dear God. Thank you for helping him find his way to me.

I thank you for hugs, kisses, and more hugs that you provide me with in abundance enabling me to share with blogville. They've been wonderful.

xoxoxoxoxoxox.

I tag: Zerkhezi, Zephi, Baroque, Teediva, Queen of my castle, C for Carl, Isi.

This is me.

2007-11-17T21:59:00.001Z

Well am back from the rollercoaster ride of different kinds of illnesses. First I thought it was flu, then I thought maybe fever, but doctor said it was tonsillitis coupled with crams. So I have not blogged and I am sorry about that, I have been weighed down. But missed y’all though.

Since my brain is still on its way to recovery, I think ill just do the meme, that was tagged on me by Baroque, Zerkhezi and Zephi all in this post roll with me.

I am … sleeker than your average.
My ex-boyfriend was … too much of a liar.
Maybe I should … take my clothes off and dance in the rain
I love … high heels and skinny jeans, they bring out the sexiness in me.
I don't understand … why people are so ignorant of the fact that we all are born different.
I lost my… babyphat wristwatch in my bedroom a year and some months ago, still have not found it. it beats me.
My current boyfriend is … somewhere in the world, thinking am somewhere in the world. find your way to me babes, i have been waiting.
People say I'm … a light, ill shine regardless.
Love is … what you choose it to be.
Somewhere, someone is… thinking; 'what da hell is inside her head'? and i will tell u, it is what it is. lol!
I will always … be to you what you defaulted your brain for me to be. open it up, come on, see the true me.
Forever is … forever.
I never want to … wake up in front of my class naked. oh my God, that was a nightmare.
I think the current President is … ummm! who??? is it Yaradua? oh my God am disgracing myself, who is it? I know Gordon Brown is the prime minister though, does that let me off?
When I wake up in the morning … I listen to Andrian Rogers on ucb radio on cable or put on my music player, depending on what time it is.
Life is full of … pretenders and skimmers.
My past is incredibly … the stepping stone of my future.
I get annoyed when … people underestimate me. ill surprise u. you can count on that.
Parties are for … happy people. we all need a break.
Girls are … the greatest snitches alive. thats why i operate around women.
Sex is … overrated. you know it is. but no one ever admits it. i can already guess ur replies; speak for urself lighty. maybe I will. OVERRATED!!! lol!
I wish … i could soar on wings like eagles'
Tomorrow I'm going to … see Anthony Evans in the morning and Jill Scott at night. wot a day, wot a dayyyyyyyyyyyy. I have waited 4 months for both of them. hurray hurraay hurraaaay
I really want some … Baileys cheesecake. I see myself growing fatter just thinking about it. God help me.
I have low tolerance for people who … just cant clean their shoes. cant u see it looks like shit, come on, do the nation a favor, give them up for recycling or wash the damn thing.
If I had a million dollars … i'll rather it were a million pounds. regardless, ill sleep for 2 weeks.
My job makes me … feel i can achieve a lot in life. something like my stepping stone.

and the other one, from Z and Z.

um: my life seem interesting, you will be surprised to hear I consider myself extremely boring, but I do have a great sense of humor though.

dois: I have often wondered what it would be like to have a white boyfriend, but whenever a white guy comes up to me the thought disappears, ummm! Thatz interesting; thinking out loud.

tres: I consider poetry an escape route to free thought. I can write what I feel and you can think what you want of it. now thatz fair, dont you think?

quatro: I have always considered myself a lucky head. I think I did really good in my past life, if a had any.

cinco: sometimes I wonder how my life would turn out, I really want to be on television(not as an extra though) receiving an award. Ask me for what, I have no idea. Lol. I want to become a dancer someday, but a famous and well respected one. Same time, I want to be the hottest banker on wall street. So many things my people, many many many.

sies: I once fell face flat when I went for a university open day. I never went back to that uni, bad omen! Lol! More like the shame was too much to bear.

siete: My life is full of butterflies and rainbows, I have my God to thank to that. Thank you Jesus.

Memoirs of B and I

2007-11-05T01:49:00.000Z

Happy people hope u’re lajesting good? Been on my feet 4 two weeks now. Am sure by now y’all know am an Ajala (traveller), the greatest one that ever lived. Been to the 4 corners of England, but as usual my Blackberry has kept me connected to your lovely blogs.

I was chatting with one of my ex-boyfriends, I have managed to still keep in contact with all of them or should I say they have managed to keep in contact with me. Ummm story for the rats in the hole.

Well I was chatting with one of them, the very first one; B. haaaa B, I have nothing but sweet memories of B. you see ern, I wasn’t one to have a boyfriend until B came along. Thing is I use to enjoy the chase, it felt so good having all these guys coming up to me and knowing that none of them had anything buzhi to say about me to their friends. It felt even better that they always tried to guess if I had a boyfriend out of city or somewhere they didn’t know about. For two years, I had an imaginary boyfriend, I always use him to wave guys off me, trust me my imaginary boyfriend had a complete profile compiled with siblings and all. I cooked the guy up good.

When B came my way, it was a different ball game. Then I was in my last year in senior secondary school (ss3), an all boarding military school. Being one of the girls on the hot list in school now, it was only normal B came along like many of them did. Um honestly, my secondary school years were the bomb, you could always spot me from miles away, light skinned, short fitted skirt, highest school sandals in the school, long sleeved rolled up shirt with black bottoms and pinned down bottoms on the collar, plus I carried a bright yellow school bag. You would always know who it was from a distance. This got me in mega trouble with staff members. Eyyy, I suffered ohh.

B on the other hand cool, neat, level headed fine boy, together we made bonnie and Clyde. Anyway, B came up and I disregarded him like I did the rest but B had his ways. I told y’all I was in an all boarding school right? I went home for Xmas and on one of those days our maid came up to me saying there was these bloke outside the gate wanting to see me. I wasn’t surprised because for some reason even blokes I don’t talk to in school find their way to my house during hols, they had an habit of coming in threes and fours, (I have 3 elder brothers, the last one of them is 3years older than I am + I am the only girl and last child in my family. Guys coming to check on me was war, as in battle field kind of waring lol!) Don’t ask me. So I went out to the gates shaking and trying to watch my steps so none of my brothers would decide they wanted to take a walk with me to have a chitty-chat. At the same time, I was thinking who it could be.

It wasn’t B, it was B’s friend. He had a message from B, I was thinking ok, let’s hear it. Told me he was hanging out with B the day before and B got some things to give to me, since he lived not too far from my house, was told to hand them over to me. Me being who I am told him to tell B to shove those things up his arse. If he thinks because of the said things I would be his girlfriend then he has a screw loose in his head. that’s how this boy started to plead oh, saying there is no way he could take the things back to his house because his mother must not find them, he cant start to explain where he got them from. On the long run, I agreed to take the things from him

Happy people, if you had seen the size of that basket, you would run. I was so scared. Even more scared that my brothers may decide they wanted to take a stroll and find me with this thing but with the help of our maid, who was actually my confidante then, I managed to hide the basket in one of the huge barrels we keep in the kitchen for dry food. Happy people you don’t want to know what was in the basket but I will tell you, a quick run through some; there was 2 wrist watches one Tommy, the other Gucci, an Oscar de la renta and Tommy girl perfume, a gold necklace and pendant, and loads of assorted biscuits and wine, along with two little Christmas cards and a huge red one too. I don’t know if y’all remember those cards with big red envelopes, the extra large ones. Kia! I was fear. More fearful than impressed. I thought I was going to run mental but at the same time I felt so good inside, ladies you feel me?

Well after the holidays I went back to school more determined than ever that I was not going to be B’s girlfriend because then he will be sure I could be bought. Meanwhile I was wearing the Gucci wrist-watch ohh. Lol! *shaking my head* silly ( it was safer wearing them in school than at home otherwise, my brothers would cut off my wrist for supper). Thing that amazed me the most is I didn’t see B for like a week but every one else saw him around, I saw him after the second week and all he did was reply to my hello, nod his head and walked on. I was so amazed it angered me. Here was me thinking I can’t wait to tell this boy off, does he think gifts are the way forward? Me I thought soon as I enter school the boy would be thinking he had the right and would start sending juniors to call me to see him. Not B. B carried on like nothing was between us for like two more weeks you know? By then I felt so rejected and sad, believe. Then one faithful night after prep soon as I stepped out of class to walk to my hostel someone pulled me by the hand and asked to walk me to my hostel, it was B and I felt my first tummy tickle, I had waited so long and the process had softened me. We had a good chat and I thanked him for the stuff instead of reprimand him like I had planned to do.

I still proved hard to get but I couldn’t hold it on for too long. His ways of doing things drew me closer to him more and more. I remember when I told B I would give him a TRIAL that was a real funny night. Soon as I said that you wouldn’t believe B sprung round and started running, lol. I screamed him to come back, he came back panting and we both busted out laughing. Asked him why he ran and he said he couldn’t believe what I just said and he was trying to run as far as possible before I change my mind.

I always got into trouble with female soldiers; if it’s not concerning my school sandals, it would be my ever shiny baby curls hair or my school uniform (skin cling skirt and breaking all the rules shirt). B seemed to love the whole show and some what encouraged me further. Lol. I remember the first time my hair got cut off in a cross in school, he snuck out of school that night and bought me a school bag full of hair products and told me “start all over again, they are just jealous”. Surprisingly B was that boy in school all the teachers loved, he was really clever, neat and his house captain, they would have never have guessed he was almost totally behind my goose chase with the female soldiers. He had a good balance of a good+bad boy image, that tripped me the most. Our relationship was so beautiful that with time the whole school and a lot of the teachers knew we were together and untrue as it may sound for naija schools, especially mine, they were very cool with it (the teachers, i mean).

The only time we had a misunderstanding was when some silly SU guy went to tell B I was flirting with him, that day I was so shocked I couldn’t even defend myself, plus B had never gotten crossed with me. Read this; the foolish boy was reading a physics text book in the library, I went up to him to ask what he was reading curious as a cat that I am. The boy asked me why I wanted to know after all I study art, what business have I got with physics. I said to him I have never thought of it but now, it all seemed interesting so I would like to know. I think at some point I must have placed my right hand on his left shoulder because I was standing and he was sitting, we were side to side. This boy just shouted GET THEE BEHIND ME, THE DEVIL IS A LIAR. ern? Strong things, I was mesmerised I just left the boy sharply. I noticed B didn’t send for me throughout that day after class, but after night prep I went to meet him on the basket ball court. It used to be so lovely at night and most of the senior student hung there every night after prep for a while. Soon as I spotted him, he walked towards me and the next thing he said was we need to talk, gen gen.

Cutting the long story short, omo guy went to tell B that me, I went to him with a purpose, to seduce him and that B should tame me. B was so vexed that on a normal day, omo guy should not come to him to chat shit, not to talk of reporting his girl? That got him really mad. Well I couldn’t say anything, he kissed me on the forehead and bided me goodnight. Ill see you in class tomorrow he said. I went to my room and cried myself to sleep. Awww poor little lighty crying. Awwww. The second day I went to find that boy, it wasn’t hard because the silly boy was my class captain. I raked for this boy ern, he cried back to his hostel. I was so unimpressed as to how dirty his mind could be, being an SU that he claimed to be.

In loving memoirs of the times I shared with B, I thought I would share this little part of me with you. Stay happy people. X.

By the way, I hope you lot know my talent is not to be wasted on empty space. Kindly check this out. http://lightystalent.blogspot.com/

Help! I see sweaty and almost naked men.

2007-10-22T23:32:00.000+01:00

Firstly, a huge thank you to everyone who left wise words and sound advice on the post prior to this one. To be honest those words have left peace in me, you guys worked tremendous magic. I find myself more relax and open, may the good Lord's will be down. Wherever my compass points from here, I promise to fill you in on it. A big thank you, *mauh*.

Now...

In one of my previous posts I told y’all I started out at the gym and frequented my visits, well this was another one of my visits only this time I was curious. Isn’t it a damn shame curiosity killed the cat?

After my normal round, I decided to go in the sauna, in my gym you have to put on your swimming costume plus it’s separate for male and female. Usually in the shower room.

I’ve been seeing this fire exit door with a note on it saying please wear costume before getting in the sauna boldly written on it but because it’s a fire exit door I restrained myself from opening it. Na so amebo carry me open this door oh, one faithful day like that.

As soon as I opened and got into the room, the door shut behind me. What did I see next, half naked men walking up and down the shower room, this is me with my swimming costume, and a little towel wrapped around me. The men didn’t seem to mind. I thought something was out of place because I couldn’t seem to find the women and all the men said was are you ok sweetie? I said yes and went on to look for a sauna to sit in, totally oblivious to my surroundings.

I found one packed full with four sweaty men, imagine what lighty did, I entered into the sauna and bid the men create space for me. Na so I siddon ohh staring into space and wondering why I still haven’t seen any women yet. Trust me, sweaty men reek in the sauna I wonder if my friend's fantasy of sweaty men would still remain if she was in that sauna with me. Anyway the men didn’t seem to mind, until one guy bless his heart came in and asked me if I knew I was in the men’s shower room. This is me thinking to myself; dang lighty, you should have known.

If you see how I blushed errrr, you’ll think me a plum. I was immensely embarrassed, so I stepped out the sauna room back into the open shower and couldn’t go out the front door; apparently it leads straight to the gym, noooooo. No one’s gonna see me coming out the men’s shower room with a little tower and swimming costume, HELL NO. So they called one of the guys that work in the gym and he organised a woman to go open the fire exit door for me, it took good ten minutes. In the space of ten minutes you should have seen me having a laugh with these men, you would think it were my place to be there.

I wish I was a dark fantasy writer type person; it would have been a whole other ball game how wild my imagination would have been. Anyway, I put anyone who is capable to the test. Use my experience as a basis to your imagination on your next post. Iight?

Hell... let my imagination run wild, Here goes….

The sweat dripping down his chest, bring the hairs on my body alive, I feel them charging as if trying to explode the softness of my skin, out of the corner of my eye a DARK CHOCOLATE hunk makes his way to where I am standing, stood so closely behind me I could feel his breathing on my back. He gently pulls my hair to fall my head on his chest and devours my lips with a hard kiss that sends my spine to work. He, full on hard against my voluptuous backside, our hips swaying to the rhythm the music in our hearts is playing . Slowly, his right hand with a mind of its own make it’s way from my lower abdomen to my right breast. I make a ah sound of welcoming, my SWEATY SENSATION bends, takes hold of my legs, slowly and steadily licks his way up and settles in-between my already parted legs while DARK CHOCOLATE is getting ready to take me... STOP.
My oh my. There, I tried. Abeg make una no vex ohh I am not a fantasy nor raunchy writer. So you might want to continue this one on your blog Orite???
So, which one of you is taking up the assignment?
lol!

Serious thoughts of a mature mind

2007-10-16T20:31:00.000+01:00

Lovely people, I am glad to tell you all that since my broke weekend, my life has bounced back to normal except I am still single, and true to say, I don’t know how I feel about it at this point. Thing is I actually think I have a problem, I am not sure what it is though so I’ll rely on you lot to help me out.

I’ve been single for 1year and 3months, and I still can’t be bothered getting into a relationship. I find myself pushing guys away intentionally, for no reason. Cool able guys for that matter too.

On my phone you’ll see random names like ‘don’t pick’, ‘disturber’ etc. could it be that I am scared of getting into a relationship? I don’t want to believe my last relationship is having an effect on me because I believe I am a strong woman, but psychology is a b**ch and it just might be the reason.

I believe I was everything a man would want in his woman, I was down with pleasing, motivating , advising, playing, cooking, looking fly on his arms and he cheated, in a cold way too. Can somebody tell me why men cheat? Because up to date he is asking to get back with me even though the mofo stayed with this girl for 4months after we broke up plus his mother still calls me.

Anyway, that is by the way. I have been talking to this guy for a while now, but every time anything relating to relationship between us comes up, I shut it down. I really am feeling him though and he is not hiding the fact he wants to WIFE me. Lol! we flow really well, my kind of guy.

So why haven’t I accepted to be his girlfriend after 6weeks? I don’t know, and to be honest, I don’t think I would for the next 4weeks either. Here is where my problem sets in, even though I like him, it doesn’t seem to bother me if after two more weeks of these, he decides to move on because he is not getting anywhere with me, of which I really doubt but then I cant be too sure of myself, it just might be. Hey! It doesn’t seem to matter though. I don’t know if I want a boyfriend.

I would like for us to be together, only if I had more time, then again how much more time do I want? I have shut myself from everything that represents a relationship, I don’t miss cuddling, kissing etc, it doesn’t even touch me to see couples fooling around, I just can’t be bothered. My heart has been closed and I really don’t know when it’ll open up again. I believe it wouldn’t be fair to enter into a relationship with a closed heart. To be honest I could do with another year of being single, I have learned a lot, grown spiritually and mentally too. It’s like my life took a boom in every aspect and I am grateful to God.

Why my heart has refused to open beats me, because when it comes to the list below, he foot’s the bill

Cute
Good Rapport
Religious
Level of intellect
Dress sense
Style
Attentive to my needs.

I don’t make up list but these are some of the many things I like about him and now because I know we could be starting something beautiful, I look for every excuse not to go places with him, meet up or go for a meal. I am always busy, tight schedule, dissertation stress, work, etc. I am afraid of starting anything because in any relationship; I am extremely committed, very loyal, giving, loving etc and all these just might be kicked to the kerb again or am I just enjoying being single and making excuses? I am not getting any younger, in fact in less than 2months, I will be a year older. What if this is the only chance i get of a good man and end up missing it because of my blasé attitude?

Blogville, I need your help on this one, I don’t think I can go through this alone. I need strong words of advice, honest and open minded. Don’t worry I am strong enough to take any shots you might want to shoot at me. Let’s hear it from you guys, bring it on.

In between your words of advice, make your way to my talent blog: http://lightystalent.blogspot.com/

Broke ol' me III (cont'd)

2007-10-08T15:18:00.000+01:00

There was a knock on the door, it woke R and I up from our deep sleep. After that stressful and scary event, that deep sleep came natural. R asked who it was and it turned out to be L, it was 10.30am. She said she was worried about us and was wondering where we were, she was apparently sat in the lounge for some time until one of the guys told her we were in the room.
I asked L when we were to be heading and she appeared to be clueless about it, that didn’t make me a happy bunny. Just as we were talking J let himself in, told us he was making his way to a library, telling us in other words it was time for us to get our asses out his crib (that would have been the first thing we would have done, if we knew how da hell we were to make our way to the house punk). It would have been easier to get the bus home, but R was not dressed comfortably for that, plus she had no jacket to conceal herself in.
Well so far so good, J managed to arrange a cab to take us back to the house. It was an extreme long journey but at least we got to the house safe.
Suffering 3 cleared.

Suffering 4.
Remember my close friend I was supposed to chill with in the first place, the one I sat on my suitcase and waited for fruitlessly? We had been talking and she was really sad and sorry for how it all turned out and pleaded that I at least come spend some time with her before I finally left the area. So I conformed,
I spent a day with her; it was blissful, fun and refreshing, different from all the madness of the previous days.

If you recall, I told you I had enough funds to last me 7days and I had managed to blow it up to minimal, I was convinced I had enough to at least get me to the station so I could take my broke self back to my work area, to my house (take note, not my home). So I packed my stuff and made my way to the station while my friend made her way to work.
Got to the counter and the sales guy said it’ll be £4 from my friend’s vicinity to get to the station that would take me out the area. No biggie now, I should have that in my account, WRONG!!! Behold I didn’t, and so at this point I was back to square 1, plus my train out of the area was to leave in 45mins. (missing that train would cost me a lot more, plus I’ll miss work the next day, I couldn’t afford to miss my latter train) so I thought to myself; lighty think, think think think, what to do, what to do. First I stepped out the station shamefully, and decided to use a cash machine to at least know what my balance was. It was £3.75. Damn! Just 25p short? As I looked across the road, I saw my bank, which happens to be a branch of the one I work for.
Shamelessly, I walked into the bank, looking all fly and sharp and extremely broke not to forget. I plastered a huge smile on my face and told the cahier:
Lighty: hello, I would like to withdraw some money please
Cahier: hi, how much would you like?
Lighty: precisely £3.75 please.
Cashier: oh! Ok, I see you’ve got a gold account with no overdraft facility, would you like to set up one?
(Why? Because I am broke? It doesn’t mean I would be broke all the time does it chicken head? Does it?).
Lighty: love, 'your-bank' wouldn’t set up one for me, you know how they do.
Cashier: oh you’re an employee?
Lighty: doesn’t it state that on the account?
Cahier: oh yeah, I see it, well then lighty, would you like a receipt?
Lighty: what. For £3.75?
Cashier: money is money love, you never know.
Lighty: well it wouldn’t really matter; I am using it now anyway.
Cashier: there you go, have a nice day.
Lighty: you to.
My goodness, going in the bank to get £3.75 out? Ah that just has to be the lowest anyone would go. I guess when there is a will, there is a way. I wonder what she was thinking in her head. Well not that it mattered, I needed to get on the train quick as possible.

I had a pound on me already, so I got myself on the train quick as can, and made it to the train that got me out the area.
Suffering 4 cleared, I made it safely to the house. I hope you all had a beautiful weekend.
The End.

N.B: Am sure everyone is wise enough to manage their funds wisely when short. I know now, am over bogus lifestyle, especially when my bank account light is blinking, or am I? At least I know to stay put when am broke, no going ANYWHERE, NO CAN DO.

Now make your way to my talent blog: http://lightystalent.blogspot.com/

Broke ol' me II (cont'd)

2007-09-24T20:08:00.000+01:00

Right… so where did I stop.
Suffering 3.
OK, the three of us went outside and stood, wondering what will become of our fate?
L remembered that some Malo (Hausa Nigerian) guy, her friend told her to come chill over at his place earlier that night and she had turned him down because she didn’t see much sense in it. At this point, we felt the need.
She decided then to call him up to see what he’s saying. Unluckily for us, the guy was still bent on her coming over. I’ll call him J.

L told J she was coming over but she was with two of her friends, the night had turned out messed up so we could do with the chilling. Little did he know we were stranded in the cold and little did we know what they had in stock for us.
J arranged a cab to get us and I must say, J lives in the very posh part of the area. As in, this part is where you’ll see the likes of Henry taking out his trash or Ronaldo jogging round the area, you get the gist?

We got into the apartment; it looked like there was a miniature party going on. So I loosened up, plus we received a warm welcome. ‘Welcome of doom’.
It was brought to my attention that most of these youngsters were influential, as their fathers are very well to do and well known Nigerian men, from the Malo (Hausa) side. If you’re Nigerian, by the time you think of two very well to do Hausa men in Nigeria, know that their kids were amongst this gathering. That night they were all under the influence of something because most of them were not acting right.

They offered us drinks, drinks they brought from within the house. Whatever drinks were in those cups I wonder, only God knows. I refused to drink anything so did R but L had some, oh well. Shortly after, J spoke to L about going indoors and she followed.
R was falling asleep and I couldn’t just imagine why she should since we were in a strange environment.

I tried to make conversation just to keep everybody focused and got to find out that one of them actually writes, he is more of a Nigerian critic who wouldn't blog (I asked if he ever considered blogging) because he doesn't believe in hiding his identity and wouldn't like to make known his identity because most of his write ups focus on the fathers of his friends ( he told me this in confident. i saw some of his work, Good stuff).

R was fast asleep on the bed we saw in the lounge area when we came in, so I joined her in order to cover myself up under the duvet, I was feeling uncomfortable with all the vulture eyes around so i decided to go into hiding.
T one of the guys brought in another mattress and placed it close to the one R and I were laying on and started stroking my hair, can u imagine? I scolded him and he stopped. So I decided to act asleep so they don’t be getting any ideas.

A, the most influential of them all came into the lounge and you wouldn’t believe what I heard him say. He said ‘why are these girls sleeping, wake them up I want to fuck’. I thought I would jump out my skin. Before I knew wat a guan this stupid guy was bending over me, I screamed so hard at him and he took a standing, the other guys were like why you are bothering her, leave her alone, she’s sleeping (Dear Lord save me tonight I promise I would never go out broke, that was my prayer).
They began to speak Hausa, I was so scared at this point I put the number 999 on standby in case anything was to go down. I was so scared I thought of calling my mother to save me from this hell hole. I tried calling MIMI but this was about 5:15am in the morning, her phone was going voicemail. I tried calling my close male friend K voicemail too.

Before I knew what was going on, A started going about them waking R up, why is she sleeping he said, and was about to pull the cover off her when I told him to go find somewhere to lay his head and leave her to sleep.

The guys left the lounge, and I quickly woke her up, telling her she must be crazy to sleep in this mad house. She woke up feeling confused and I told her what had been going down. She asked after L and I said L hasn’t returned from where she disappeared to.
The guys came back into the lounge with some girls that were chilling in the kitchen, apparently, one of them was supposed to be A’s girl, the other was super high and was chatting super shit. The one that was A’s girl told A they need to start heading home, so the two girls and A headed out only for A to come back into the house and head towards me with his phone.
A: can I have your digit?
Lighty: what for?
A: to take you out for lunch sometime
Lighty: not interested in lunch
A: dinner?
Lighty: I try avoiding dinner.
A: breakfast maybe?
Lighty: I don’t eat breakfast.
A: you must be on a mega diet; you don’t seem to eat at all.
Lighty: oh well that’s the way it is.
A: since you wouldn’t give me your details, it’s Lighty right? You will most definitely be hearing from me.

Was that supposed to be a threat because it damn right sounded like one to me, P the writer suggested since we were sleeping already, it will be more comfortable to go in the bedroom. I thought he meant R and me, in truth he was suggesting me and him. What? I decided to play along. He wanted for him and I go in the bedroom and R and T remain in the lounge area. R had drifted asleep again. I wonder how some people can have such peace of mind.

Well P came back to me to let me know the room was ready. I woke up R and told her they had set up a room for both of us. she was ok with the idea, the way the girl was sleeping sef, one would think she was drugged.
So R and I followed P as he led us to the bedroom. We got into the bedroom, and R tossed some pillows to P telling him he would need it to sleep in the lounge. He took the pillows from her and said ‘I’ll come join you girls shortly’.
R looked my way as if to say wot da hell is going on?
As soon as P left the room, we both raced to the door, to check if it had a lock, thank God it did, locked the door, lay on the bed, feeling safe but sorry because we still didn’t know how we were going to get back to the house.

Broke ol' me.

2007-09-13T03:26:00.000+01:00

Before I start on my suffering ranting, if you ever hear me say I am going out with no money in my purse and my current account close to 0.00, don’t hesitate to hit a terrible slap on my face and shake me until the wool over my eyes fall off because for me to say that believe I must have been jinxed.

Remember in the post prior to this one, I talked about suffering in the past weekend; well here it is, brace yourselves.
I’ll split it into 4 categories.
Let me take you through the prologue before I start
I had sufficient fund enough to last me precisely seven days before my big bucks arrives. Haven spent so much on important things in life alas I was left broke. But I would rather be broke than not pay my bills. Stupid I though, even in my broke days, I still find myself living a bogus life (I believe when there is a will, there is a way and there has always been a way for me, so I am spoilt).
If you have ever read some of my old posts, you will know my party area is 4hrs 20mins away from my work area.
Whenever I go like that, I go for 4days as in enjoy myself to the max. This was not to be different and I intended to have my fun, broke! Lol!
I booked my trip that was no problem, arranged to chill with a close friend, that became little problem and partied for 3nights that became a huge problem.

Suffering 1: well I arrived at my party area, I was over joyed, and I had my outfits planned out as I had done some shopping specially for the purpose, damn! I thought to myself; its gonna be so much fun. I called up my friend told her I was in the area, and she said should give her a call when I get to her vicinity. Blogville, only for me to get to my friend’s vicinity and call her to come pick me up and her phone was winding up on voicemail. Dolls, I called for two hours and thirty minutes, VOICEMAIL!
I was tired, weak and confused actually more frantic than confused. Damn I had no where to stay, time was running out. Shit shit shit. I was calculating in my head, I am very picky when it comes to staying in people’s houses, I don’t sleep in just any house its hard enough to get me out my house cause I love my bed so so.
I know my friend said something like her being in training but she also told me that it wouldn’t be a problem contacting her when I reach her vicinity. As if, this has become a major problem. Now my phone battery was running flat chai wahala, I am there sitting on my suitcase like a motherless child, I had to quickly transfer some 2-3 number that are important on this journey onto my blackberry I hardly use it to make calls don’t ask me I use it mainly 4 emails and the lot. But on this day, it really saved my butt. Fortunately I succeeded in saving 3 numbers before that phone went off. Problem now is my blackberry had just one bar of battery life left, been on the net all through my journey, reading your blogs. See? Its’ your entire fault, blogville and its addictive stories.
In my thinking and tiredness as I have gone seven hours already without rest, I decided I’ll just go home and forget about this party. Sad shea? I know. By the way, home is 45mins away from party area and it doesn’t make sense traveling to party area from home things are different there. Like no transportation at all during late night and bleak roads, too quiet. Just when I was about to pick up my suitcase, another friend of mine called and asked me where I was, she was like she’s been trying to reach me that I need to bring my butt round she already organised her cousin’s place for us to chill. Let’s call this friend L. I told you, there is always a way for me.
Suffering 1 cleared. After 3hrs and 15mins suffer head.

Suffering 2. That first party was ok, no biggy, second party, I, L and L’s friend R couldn’t get a cab number so on the mission to get a taxi to the second party we were lucky to ask some young dudes who were actually going next door to where we were going, they offered to give us a ride delightfully, it was fun, the trip I mean, little ranting, complimenting and exchange of numbers. They actually gave us a ride back to the house and asked to give them a call tomorrow if we would be going out. awww how sweet. Moreover, it was £30 just to get into that party let alone the Moet and things, in order words; I totally blew up my 7day sustainer. I officially became Broke. Lucky we got that ride back to the house. See? Always a way…
I was supposed to party with some of my homies, in short all I needed to do was get to the arena and all will be sorted, VIP and things, it was bound to be fun, but the problem now was getting there as home gal lighty was dry on funds. Behold R gets a call from one of them dudes of the night before and he offered to come for us. Yippee! Only for this dude to arrive at 1:10am at least he came. We got to the venue, this guy said he was gonna park his car and guess what he did, he ran off. Lol!!! Now how da fuck! Are we gonna get back to the house. WE WERE ALL BROKE and stranded as well, yea ohh! Lol! We went in, I saw some of my folks and this place was kind of dry. I mean I didn’t dress this nicely and bring my broke ass done here for this place to be dry. This was 2:10am, the place shut down at 2:45am what???? I look around the few people I knew damn which mouth am I going to use to say I cant get home, not me, they don’t expect that from me. Luckily, L spots a friend before I could say Jack Robinson there was yet another means of getting to the house. But there was this little commitment to it, we had to follow him to another spot where he said the music was live and they will be kicking it till 5am in between since he doesn’t live too far from where we were crashing he’ll drop us off
So we all went to this place, getting there, the door was closed, there was no more entry allowance but the guy kept to his word, he pulled some strings and they opened the doors. There is always a way, but not this time. Got behind the doors and it turns out there was £20 to pay. Lighty has reach rock bottom lovies aint no 20quid coming out from no where. Wait for it; this boy told us to go wait for him outside till he’s done partying.
Chai! Lighty you have suffered for fun ohh I mean how did I think anything would be fun if it doesn’t involve money? On the other hand, how broke is this boy? Not that I was expecting him to pay, I promote independence in women, if I were in his shoes, I would have handled it, so I half expected him to, although I have never met him before sha! And coming out while broke, WRONG!
We were to wait for this boy from 3:05am till like 5:00am in the cold before we could get to the house, I looked down at myself and thought HOW DA FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TO YOU. So we went outside and although we didn’t get to the house with the boy, the night took on a whole new dimension.
To be continued…

Ciara didn't do well ohh!!!

2007-09-02T15:47:00.000+01:00

Well bloggers, I have got so much to talk about, very importantly is the sufferings that came on me last weekend which i will talk about in my next post. Chai! I suffered ohh. But before I start on that one, here is one very embarrassing yet funny moment in my life.

What is it with guys these days sef? Can’t a beautiful, intellectual and young lady be single no more? You tell them you’re single and they leave their mouths a-gap. This one is by the way let me tell u about one very horrible shall I call it date? No. I will just say hang-out I went on.

I don’t wear my glasses all the time so my vision is forever blurred. On my way from work the other day, I thought I saw someone waving at me and maybe nudging at me as well, this is what I do when situations like this arise, I wave back because I never see the person and I choose not to be rude, it just might be someone who would not take it kindly if I didn’t respond.

The person decided to walk towards me, and I found out we’ve never met. I was pained. I actually mumbled shit* to myself. Well he introduced himself and started with them lame lines silly guys start with. Funny though, we heard a decent conversation after. Turned out he speaks five languages which I found very interesting. So time for me to find my way and he asked for my number; on a normal day I wouldn’t give it out but I thought; we had a decent conversation nywayz, I meant as well. WRONG DECISION.

I have not gone 3mins before my phone starts buzzing, I just refused to pick it up, because I needed time to breathe. 5minutes later, text message. Nsi duuuu ( what is itttt???) ahhh!!! It goes; you touched something special in me, dah dah dah please text back. Hissssssss*I wasn’t in the mood at all.

Anyway this went on for over two weeks, calling and texting. Sometimes I pick my phone up most times I just watch it ring, that did not stop the voice messages coming through though. I felt choked. In fact I had to warn him to watch the way he calls which he agreed on.

Rush hour 3 came out and he said he wanted to see the movie plus I was dying to see that movie too, so I thought yeah since I am not busy this weekend, why not? There ain’t no harm. The beginning of my ordeal.

The day came, this boy turned up in a suit, not blazer oh, as in suit. Oh shit* I thought to myself, for goodness sake, we are going to the movies, what da hell came ova this boi? I was so turned off, I had to ask him why he wore a suit. Nywayz it was 30mins before the start of the movie, so we chilled somewhere for a drink, that wasn’t bad, saw the movie and it was hilarious in every sense of the word.

My flatmate was around town so she told me to chill for her so we could make it home together, at this time it was like quarter to 12am so I decided we should go dancing for a bit while I wait for my flatmate.

We got on the dance floor and after downing a bottle of red wine, this boy decided to go crazy on me, he was doing all the dances you can never imagine, jumping like this and that, until, wait for it, he decided to do the Ciara bend. Any of you seen the like a boy video? Remember the bend Ciara did? The one that her head was almost touching the back of her ankles? Yeah that one, he did it, I was so so so so so embarrassed, guess what, he could not stand up. Ahhhhhhhhhhh no. no no no. I just stood in akimbo looking at him, I was so angry, thinking whatever took you down there should be able to bring you back up now.... sha after struggling and struggling he managed to get up. My intention was to walk out that place, but I thought, I would stick with it till my friend finishes. I called her up and she was already making her way to where I was, lucky me, I just wanted to call it a night.

So I called him a taxi and said my goodbye that was it, I was done with this one. I can never ever forget that embarrassing moment.

And I thought racism was dead.

2007-08-10T00:09:00.000+01:00

Imagine ohh , was at work today and some 66year old man called to renew his policy. From the begining of our conversation, I felt he was awkward. I noticed his reluctance when I ask for his policy number because he went silent for like 5 seconds until I said hello before he gave me the details. Below is how the conversation went;

Mr: all I want to do is change the card detail because I don’t want to use that card this year
Me: I do understand, but I would have to run through the policy before I take the payment.
Mr : I don’t want you to go through the policy if you just cant change the card number I would take my business elsewhere
Me: the problem is not changing your card detail, it is just that I have to follow procedure (before they decide to start suing because they didn’t know this or that, we have to thoroughly cover ourselves).
Mr: the problem is not the procedure, the problem is 'you bloody people'. He hung up the phone.
Which bloody people?????

I took his number down, my intention was to call the heifer to explain himself better to me, I was so very angry, but I got another call and this was such a lovely man, he actually made me laugh half way through the call. So I thought no point wasting my time on primitive people who don’t want to move on.

This also takes me back to when I first arrived in this country, after finishing high school in naija asper I finished at a young age, I had to go back to high school now. So there I was ohh in my English literature class, I had two classes for that, one of the teachers loved me because her class was first and I made an excellent first impression on her. My believe is she must has told her colleague about me because from the first day I entered that woman’s class, she gave me attitude.

I found myself failing in one class and passing in the other which was very weird so I decided to talk to that foolish teacher. First she asked me if English is my first language, my head went spinning. Guess what she did next she pulled out a year 5 English book, all them tenses, nouns, and pronouns kind of books with short stories inclusive. God! I could feel the tears gathering behind my eyes. But I made sure I beat her to her own game.

At the beginning of the class, she presented an essay to us saying it was the best in class and the rest of it was shit. This essay was from the girl I compete with in the other class ohh, and most of the time I had a higher score than the girl sha, so I wasn’t even bothered.

Unfortunately for the crazy woman, she set exactly the same question half way through the class and what did I do? I looked at the girl’s essay she gave to us months back ( I kept it because I personally thought it was shit), pulled out like 5-6 shitty sentences from the shabby work and put it in mine untouched, pure and shabby like she wrote it.

I couldn’t wait for the results to come out, it did and all the 5-6 sentence were marked out in red, along with so many other sentences, it was my day. After class I went up to her to discuss the essay along with the girl’s original, I asked why I got such a terrible mark and why most of my work was marked in red, she told me because it was bad and asked me if I have been reading the book she gave. I told her bad uh? How come when the girl wrote it, it was the best work to the extent she had to photocopy for the class? She asked what I was talking about, and I pulled out the essay and pointed at it sentence after sentence. She stared at the essay and wouldn’t look up to my face and wouldn’t speak too. Just then someone knocked on the class room door. Saved by the bell.

I went home and cried my heart out to my mum and from that day I never went back to that school. So much for civilisation uhh?

Drunken Self

2007-08-05T18:31:00.000+01:00

So now I am sitting on my bed, still feeling weak as hell, a result of getting drunk last night. I wonder why people actually get drunk; it is so not fun and funny how in this part of the world if one is not getting drunk one is not having fun.

So, I set myself on a mission last night to get drunk because I have never been drunk in my life. Not because I am immune to getting drunk but because I refuse to let my guards down, I am extremely conscious of my surroundings and would probably be the last person you would take advantage of.

It was my friend’s birthday get together yesterday, and she lives literarily behind my house so I and my housemates made our way there. At first I was just munching away while everyone was dancing and drinking. After like two hours, I noticed I have not heard a drop of alcohol which was surprising and I was beginning to think there was something wrong because usually I am first to grab a glass. Mind you I have a rule, strictly no larger, cider or beer, I personally don’t think it speaks well of a classy woman like me.

So last night I thought to myself, why don’t I just get drunk? This is just 3mins away from my house, I have my housemates around me and I have never had the gust to be drunk. I started with 2 tumblers of white wine and pulled out a bottle of red wine (my favourite, I just can’t get enough of red wine uhhh.) and downed the lot.

As at the time they were leading me home this morning, I was floating, got up to my room slept for a bit, woke at 7.30 to throw up and that’s what I did every 30mins till 5.30pm. Awwww what a horrible, horrible, horrible feeling. How do people get by this? I threw up until I almost gagged out my intestines, funny though I had no headache but I feel so so so weak am surprised I am actually even writing now.

Well at least now I know when I am drunk I don’t talk shit or act a fool and experience no headaches at some point though, I was thinking of calling paramedics because I thought the vomiting would kill me.

On that note I am never getting drunk again in my life, I think I have done my part.

Animal Fetish

2007-08-03T09:56:00.000+01:00

Ok, here’s the deal, I am sick and tired of so many strange things all happening at the same time. Was watching television the other day, day time TV for that matter and there was this documentary kind of talk going on, it was about humans having sex with there pets or random animals.

Apparently, it is illegal to have sexual intercourse with animals and anyone caught in the act would get a prison sentence. Don’t know how many years though cause I was in the middle of getting ready for work.

So this man came up and said he is a farmer and a few days ago he heard something strange going on in is barn, he went in there and in the hot afternoon was a man having sexual intercourse with his horse. He declared he beat that man black and blue (lol! I personally think he should have cut off his balls instead. But hey! Datz mi tho. Lol!).

Anyway, another man was found having sexual intercourse with his dog, and when he was arrested for it, he said ‘why should he get arrested, after all he owns the dog’ thing is the dog is a male dog too, so you know where what was going. Hewlllllllll….
They arrested a woman after suspecting she was having sexual intercourse with her poodle, but she always denied it. Finally while in public, her dog decided it needed a lick and proceeded by going under her skirt, which confirmed the suspicion, she was taking into custody.

Well people, that just goes further to show you how dirty the world today is. May God help us.

P.S. I was thinking that I would like to start smoking. Any recommendations on what cigarettes brand to go for? I am giving myself two weeks before I start fully. And don’t ask me why, because I don’t know, plus it is not influence or peer pressure, I believe I have past all that.

Witchcraft ban ends in Zimbabwe

2007-08-01T10:30:00.000+01:00

By Steve Vickers BBC, Harare.

I just thought I would share this with you all, isnt it amazing what the world is coming to, right before our eyes? Programmes with the likes of Harry Potter, Charmed etc have a great impact on how the matters of witchcraft is viewed today. Now to be a witch is 'supercool', to the extent that children write series of letters to 'JK Rowling' writer of Harry Potter to join her fantasy academy believing it to be real. Well people what can I say? Zimbabwe on the other hand decided to take full charge, read through the article.

Zimbabwe has lifted a ban on the practice of witchcraft, repealing legislation dating back to colonial rule.

From July the government acknowledges that supernatural powers exist - but prohibits the use of magic to cause someone harm.

In 1899, colonial settlers made it a crime to accuse someone of being a witch or wizard - wary of the witch hunts in Europe a few centuries earlier which saw many people burned at the stake after such accusations.

But to most Zimbabweans, especially those who grew up in the rural areas, it has been absurd to say that the supernatural does not exist.

In fact, it is not hard to find vivid stories about the use of magic.

Alfred, for example, believes that he was bewitched at work some years ago, making him partly bald.

He described how after supper one evening as he and his wife were retiring to bed his hair disappeared.

"When my wife came into the bedroom she look at me and said, 'What happened to your hair? Where's it gone?'

Claims of witchcraft need to be investigated instead of putting down every disorder in society that is taking in our society to witchcraft or modern magic
Thomas Deve, social commentator"She saw a bald patch from the forehead going back on the side of the head. There was no trace of it," he says.

He spent seven months visiting traditional healers to make it grow back.

"She made some incisions round the bald patch, put some powdery muti (medicine) and lo and behold within a few day the hair had grown."

Fetishes
There are many other accounts of the use of magic, and the new law effectively legitimises many practices of traditional healers.

'If you have that knowledge to capture a thief in a cattle kraal when he comes for the cows, well and good. It's like electrifying the fence round your house'
Traditional healer Claude Mararikei

Do you believe in witchcraft?

These include rolling bones to foretell the future, divination, attempts to communicate with the dead, using muti - traditional powders and fetishes - to ensure the desired sex of a child.

But there will be some legal grey areas, like whether it is legal for a husband to place some charms in his bedroom - charms that may injure his wife if she is unfaithful.

Professor Claude Mararikei - a sociologist and the chairman of Zimbabwe's Traditional Medical Practitioner's Council - argues that witchcraft has some positive benefits in the modern world.

He cites the example of a man who stole some bewitched cement that became stuck to the thief's shoulders so he could not remove the bag.

"So if you have that knowledge to capture a thief in a cattle kraal when he comes for the cows, well and good. It's like electrifying the fence round your house," he says.

'Waste of time'
Others believe that the country would be better off without elevating the supernatural.
"I think it's a waste of time and energy. The urban areas are not really caught up in these supernatural issues," says social commentator Thomas Deve.

"Claims of witchcraft need to be investigated instead of putting down every disorder in society that is taking in our society to witchcraft or modern magic," he adds.

The church in Zimbabwe has always believed that witchcraft exists, but it has been careful to establish the source of such supernatural powers.

"As Christians we've got to recognise that supernatural forces are good if they originate from God - now witchcraft is one of the things that originates from the Satanic world," says Reverend Roy Musasiwa who runs a theological college in the capital, Harare.

The Witchcraft Suppression Act was used fairly frequently, but prosecuting someone under the new legislation may prove difficult.

The new Criminal Law Codification and Reform Act will demand proof that a person has supernatural powers and that they are using them to harm others.

"It's not going to be easy task," says Custom Kachambwa, a judge with years of experience in the legal field.

He says witnesses will often be traditional healers, who could be accused of practising harmful magic in the future.

But whatever the problems, the repealing of the witchcraft laws is another sign that Zimbabwe's government is continuing to move away from Western values and placing more emphasis on the country's own traditions.

Fellow bloggers, this is disturbing.

2007-07-30T23:23:00.000+01:00

I went home yesterday because I need a break, I have been working really hard since I got back from the States so I arranged with my family friend to come spend some time with me because we have not spent much time in each other’s company lately. I picked her up from my party area and we headed to my home.

She discovered that her friend whom she hasn’t seen for a very long time lives not too far from where I live and arranged with him to come over so they could have a miniature reunion. We could not host him yesterday because we were both tired. I on one hand had come a very long way, made a stop over at hers’ and got back home to cook some lovely dinner. On the other hand, she wanted to get settled and familiar with her surrounds before having anyone over.

Anyway today we met with; call him RF as in for reunion friend. RF came round and we had a fantastic time. We all went round my beautiful town and RF loved the fact that the major stores were at your convenience and promised himself to come back shopping. He ended up getting my friend and I a pair of shoes each. Those shoes are Gorgeous and he insisted so who am I to say no. we went to the movies to see transformers, good movie, so overall like I said we had fun.

Got back home and shortly afterwards RF gave us a call. He spoke to my family friend for a while and she handed the phone to me. This is the conversation that ensued.

RF: so Lighty I was talking to your friend and the thing is I am very lonely.
Me: ha ha why are you lonely?
RF: actually I need a girl in my life I use to have one that your friend knows about, I put everything into it and it ended in a muddle.
Me: why what happened?
RF: after I left Nigeria, the girl became an aristo chic and she suggested we break up after realising I found out.
Me: how long ago was this?
RF: its been three months now and when I see what I like I go for it. I talked to your friend but it seems like she has someone already and I am not someone to break up a happy home. So I saw you today and I like you.
Me: say what? (now I know this boy is on drugs, I think he grows weed on his head).
RF: I am saying I mean we are not kids here, plus I need a girlfriend and I think you will be the right person.
Me: ( err ehh… so that is what those shoes are about? I have always known that nothing goes for nothing in this life, no wonder). Love, I think you are broken hearted, and what you are looking for is a rebound. This is not the way forward boi! You just cannot float amongst friends and expect to get something real out of it.
RF: I mean I know what I want and I think you will be right for me.

To cut the story short RF decided that asking my friend to be his girlfriend and she turning him down was liberty enough for asking me the same on the same day, what a fucking liberty. I told him I don’t even fancy him in any way and he said we could start on friendship, it might lead to something. I told him that there was no point starting from somewhere when it would lead nowhere.

Guess what the guy says to me, he ask if my friend is still awake, I tell him to hold on I will give her the phone and I hear them talking about me and how he said I said I wasn’t his type in a horrible way. Anyway after that, he returned to asking her to be his girlfriend. And she let him down nicely.

Ahhhh!! What a desperado, or on second note what does this guy take us for? Is it the shoes? Because that would be the last time I will accepting a gift from any man.

Entrapment

2007-07-29T16:43:00.000+01:00

Have you ever been pinned to a corner and feel the walls are closing on you? Or been in a relationship that feels like you are bonded by a chain with a lock on it as if a slave? Trust me, it is more freaky than scary.

About being trapped, let me get down to that. I had been with my ex for like 6months and in that 6months, my life was snatched away from me. Let’s call him X. My life was snatched away because by six months, X had let his mum know about me, literarily forced me to tell my mum about him, I was twenty. Ode me, I thought I was living the life because I believed it was love (actually i think i had a stupidity wool over my eyes, bless my lil' heart lol).

Anyway, X lives approximately one hour away from where I work but I had no problems seeing him as frequently as I wanted (or should I say ‘as we both agreed’?). So when X told me that his mum was coming over to see 'us' because she lives where I party, I had no troubles making that happen.

Well I got to X’s house a day before his mum was due to arrive and it was a nerve wrecking 24hr wait (ladies can feel me on this, when it comes to meeting your guy‘s mum for the first time it is bloody scary). X’s mum’s anticipated arrival finally came, and guess what? She came with his grandmother, haaa! His grandmother!!!!!!! from Nigeria? I thought to myself OMG this is crazy. I mean I knew she was around but I didn’t know she was going to travel such long distance as the grandson had just visited her the weekend before why would she come all the way?

I found out why shortly, after I was introduced as X’s wife by Mama X. Omo. I wanted to pass out, I was thinking sh*t if my mother should hear all these, she’ll break my head and ask me who gave my hand in marriage? Well the two women ate and after they were settled, Grandma X decided to make a calling. She beckoned on X and I, you will never guess what happened.

Cool down let me brief you. Grandma X told X and I to kneel down she wants to say a prayer for us. Darlings, this is where my entrapment comes in. I wanted to run away but I couldn’t, it was not possible. I wanted to scream my mother’s name and call for her to save me but that was not even an option. I was so freaked out that I don’t know if anyone noticed how unsettled I was. Umm… Well I managed to fall on my knees and the prayers started.

Grandma X: may you two love one another till the end, may you have as many kids as you want, may anything that tries to separate you be put in asunder yadi! yadi!! yada!!! As she was praying it, I was bouncing them off with the prayers in my head because it felt more like an oath taking session than a prayer to me. what??????? This is six months mate! What’s up with all these?

Anyway the ordeal ended and I was grateful for that until after 24hrs when it was time for mama X and grandma X to leave. This bit is the freakiest bit ever, and it still freaks me out when I remember it. Grandma X decided that she would not leave until she takes a photograph of X and I. There was no camera anywhere in the house and boi!!!!! Was that the happiest one minute of my life? (Not). Grandma X sat down and said she was not going anywhere until she takes a photo with her. Wahala oooo. I on the other hand was seriously praying that a camera would not turn up, camera for what nowww? Peoples, a camera turned up sha to my disappointment and ask me how?
Because she was so strong on her decision X’s younger brother had to go to the shops to get a disposable one and that was how Grandma X sat in-between X and I and younger X took the photograph, Grandma X was happy, she slipped the camera into her bag and they said their goodbyes. I was dazed thinking; what was all of that about?

Well sometimes you will find yourself believing in superstitions, menh! I prayed every night about that freaky encounter, every night. And I am glad to let you know that I have been out that relationship for exactly a year today. I just thought I’ll share a little bit of it with you, and when I think back on it, it scares the hell out of me.

Do you think I am overly thinking it? Could it be that it really meant nothing and maybe Grandma X was just expressing her joy?

Gay Torment

2007-07-23T01:34:00.000+01:00

Ummm… people, I am in trouble. I mean what is going on around me? Why is it that every moving picture I focus on, there is gay action happening? I am thinking there could be three possible answers to this;

1. Either the world is now standing on its head or free will is overly expressed.
2. I am a bit too slow with the world’s revolving.
3. I have been oblivious to my surroundings.

I believe in free will and I have nothing to say about gay people, for or against. I mean literally, I don’t have anything to say. I don’t think about the issue, I don’t debate on it and as far as I am concerned it is just another trend people in the world have decided to follow. However, in the last month it has become too frequently thrown in my face.

It all started when I was in the States a month ago and I picked up a book titled ‘On The Down Low’ by J.L King, I read with great perplexity as to what the world has turned into. Like that was not enough dose for me, the Sunday programme on BET ‘Meet The Faith’ decided that the DL issue was to be the topic for that week. I decided to watch the programme with my mouth shut, leaving my head spinning.

I know by now most people are familiar with the DL issue. Its basically about men who in the eye of the society are 100% straight, some of them married with kids, but seek sexual intercourse in private with other men of their calibre and in the process increase the rate of HIV/AIDS among their women. These men are black men by the way, African American. But I am sure African men in Africa are guilty of the same.

However that’s not the issue for today. The issue for today is why gay attitude have become full-on in my face. Anyway, I came back from the States, forgot about the matter and carried on with my life, but nooooo, it had to come back to me.

I have been a member of the gym for a long time now, but just recently became a frequent visitor. I go for a 20mins run, 100 sit ups, 15min sauna a little bit of this and that routine, which includes a movie to take back home just to ensure my return to the gym the following day would be happening ( because knowing myself I probably would be too lazy to return. The movie keeps me in check).
Problem now is all the movies I have taken out recently have turned out to have gay substance in them.

The first one was ‘Broke Back Mountain’, how come nobody warned me about that movie? The sight of two men kissing is not attractive, nor appealing nor sexual nor anything. Anyway, that was that and I thought well it is over. Haaaaa not. The next movie I took out was ‘Night Whisperer’ based on a true story, good movie but surrounded by gay attitude, as if that wasn’t enough I worked round the clock on the few days following that, only for me to wake up on Sunday morning happy to have a day of rest (I go to church in the evenings), sat up on my bed, put my TV on, and what did I see??? I am sure by now you know, yes oooooooooo umm… It was two men touching on each other’s face in the omnibus ‘Hollyoaks’. At this point I begin to trace back my week and I become very aware that on each day of last week, there has been a content of gay nature popping it's head from my TV screen. Now, why I have decided to write this is not because of any of the above but because to top it all up I was walking into the train station from work this night and guess what I saw???????? Two men kissing and groping on each other.

Diary, am I imagining this? Or has homosexuality become part of the world’s day to day activity? Like you wake in the morning, take a shower, brush your teeth and step outside your door to see two men kissing?
Whatever it is, it is ringing a help alarm in my head. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!

while at work....

2007-07-22T12:55:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, I was at work doing my normal saturday 8hr shift and believe me, I thought the day was never going to end. It was so damn busy and I was on red light all day long. The least number of calls I had waiting on my "aspect" was 23, just imagine!!!!! dem won kill me ( are they trying to kill me)??? anyways, whenever I was not feeling it I just sat there and stared at the red light or went on the internet and chatted with my loved ones. abi wetin man pikin go do now ( wot would the son of man do)? But out of everybody I sorted out yesterday, I remember this one guy very vividly.

It was a Nigerian man who called, a Nigerian igbo man to be precise. surname was Opara. noramlly I hardly get Nigerian calls I guess thats why when I get calls like dat, I am kind of excited (dont ask me why, cos I dont av an answer). except for one woman like that ohh some mrs Akinyemi woman..... imagine ohh this woman must have called and asked to set up insurance policy in the most yorubaish accent ever. that didnt even budge me. what bothered me the most was her rudeness.

Some Nigerian older people should learn to be respectful honestly... na so mrs Akinyemi do ohhh, land 4 my red book. (here's how mrs Akinyemi wind up in my red book)

mrs A: ehh I want toe set up an insurance policy foh my car

Lighty: would it be in your name?

mrs A: yes nau it is my car

Lighty: can I have your surname please?

mrs A: look it is a toyota corolla nineteen ninety sebin ( I spelt it out so u lot can get what I mean when I say she heard some strong accent) I dont have that much time can you please tell me how much it is.

at this point I knew it would be better if I didnt let her know I am nigerian, I thot am better off being professional and not friendly.

Lighty: madam I cannot give you a quote without entering ur details, it is through ur details that your premium is generated.

this woman no gree mi ohhhh (this woman wasnt having it)

mrs A: errr wo I dont av time to be answering all ur questions can you jos give mi the prise and let mi set it up.

Lighty: madam if it is a quick quote you want, you can go on our website www... and get one, if you have any problems give us a call back and we'll talk you through it.

mrs A: why suld I go onlye (online)? but I am speaking to u now why cant u jos tell mi the prise (lol! as in price)

abi woman yi ti mad ni??? (is this woman crazy?) abasi nbong nsun ton npo ( please lord, what is this)

Lighty: ok wotz ur surname please?

mrs A: ayy I have told you before it is jos a toyota corolla nineteen ninety sebin why cant you jos tell me the prise? why is so difficult 4 u to hear wot am sayin jos give mi the prise I dont av all day.

now mo mu 'pe woman yi ti mad ( now i know this woman is crazy). I swear, sometimes some of us Nigerians can be extremely difficult.

Lighty: I have to take your details mam

mrs A: then u wuld av to call me back, take this numba down

Lighty: what is the number?
am not one to be disrespectful to customers some of my collegues just tell rude customers off in a professional way and I that sometimes, but because I know my people, I could not be bothered to do that, its just long tellin her off.

mrs A: the numba is 020.... call me back now now. I dont have all day, I have things to do.

Lighty: I will call you

mrs A: ok, I will be waiting, call me now now ohh.

Lighty: alright then ill call u now. thanks for your call goodbye.

ha ha ha ha story....... I was thinkin.....just imagine how rude and you expect mi to call u back? when am the one tryin to help you out here. mrs joneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssie, about callin u back, errr.... no can do. sorry mate!!!! lol! nywayz the last thing I was goin to do that day was call mrs A back. I will rather take off my underwear, stand on my desk and dance with it on my head.

By the way where was I? ok mr Opara. so I tell mr O am nigerian and boiiii was he pleased? in his igbo accent too. am like r u igbo. he's like yeah how did u know? am like ur name ( not. more like I can tell from the accent). he's like what did you say you name was again so I tell him; Lighty. where r u from ( thing about my name is, its one of them names that you can never guess where it's from unless I tell u. its classic and very unique, most pple actually think its a nickname).

Anyway it turned out mr O lives not to far from where i live and he is like haaa after this we shuld hook up. I laugh it off. and because we keep full details of our customers, you have to register their fone numbers too, so i ask for mr O's fone number boiiii!!! was he happy, am like sir it is for company use. he's like save that number. read it to me again so I know you got the right digits. At this stage I decide to be strictly professional with mr O and coninued with my job, yadi yadi yadi. annual premium was told and mr O's voice went from high key to flat note. to be honest it was quite expensive am not gonna lie. and mr O was not happy too.

but somehow he managed to say well since ure my pipu and yav been very hepfu I guess ill just have to take it. my credit card no is ........... and err please call mi ehh wen u finish from work ayy, so we can hook up. ( ay ay ay as if. lol!)

am lyk thanks for your call enjoy ur day.......... I hung up the fone and laughed my head off. so there u go, something to lighten up my busy day.... ahhhhh honestly work gives me jokes sometimes.

diaryyyy I honestly love my job.

The Birth.

2007-07-22T12:01:00.000+01:00

ok people..........................hi to y'all, this is me: fynnn as hell, light skin (my skin colour is one that intrigues people the most, the blend of it. not shockingly light, not brown, almost beige like and very rich in moisture and softness) extemely confident, cocky at times, true to self and dwell on facts. listen, dont get me wrong I encourage fantasy sometimes and I have just a few friends.

Here's the deal, I dont like keeping things in, because I beleive it makes it worse, so I've decided that you lot are going to be my diary. The good thing about this is that now my diary would share its opinion. ummmm!!!! I find that very fascinating. ha ha ha. the joy of it alone fills my heart.

I am Nigerian by birth, UK citizen by location, dual nationality that is. I party 45mins away from where I live, study 4hrs away from where I party and work 20mins away from where I study (estimated times by train) all in UK. I am your insurance consultant in UK, am saying this because you never know, if you live in UK you just might be speaking to me regarding your motor insurance. I deal with almost every single one of them, from BMW to Vauxhall to Tesco, you name them and thats because I work with a partnership governed by one of the major banks in UK.

Now.... I know this blog thing would require a lot of commitment, I will try my best to write to my diary (you) every now and then to share my daily joys, blessings and disappointments.

Let's get the ball rolling.